Alternate Title Part 1
by Lady-Pleasure
Summary: A reluctant love story between Peter and Micky. Part 1-How two straight men come to terms with their feelings for each other. Warnings: Sex, drugs, language, etc. Disclaimer: Fictional...obviously. I don't own the Monkees...what a bummer. AN-This is not a new story. I'm just reorganizing it.
1. Alternate Title Part 1 Chapter 1

So it all started on a night in early June after a show at the River Pavilion in Austin. The show had been very successful.

There had been a great circle of energy. The band had fed the crowd and the crowd had fed the band.  
The music had come to life.  
The after show party was also a hit.  
Booze was flowing, grass was burning.  
Needless to say everyone was in _high_ spirits.

People...fans...wanted to get close to them...to be a part of something  
...to be a part of them.

* * *

About 10 months ago Chris Baker had called Mike about the _Spirit Tour_ saying it would be a great promotion for the guys.  
_It was._  
Since then, they had been booked for _Spirit_ every 3 month and had managed to gather a small but firm underground following. The fans were dedicated and the guys knew many of them by name.  
Especially the girls.  
It was a far cry from having groupies but they were well on their way. Not that they didn't get any action for their efforts.  
_They did._

* * *

The Pavilion was a venue they had not yet played and it was _big_.  
They would be playing in front of 800 people - way over the 100-200 they usually played for on these little tours. The show was put on by a musical critiquing group that had a lot of influence over underground music.  
Needless to say everyone was nervous.  
And with good reason.

The morning had started off poorly.  
There had been a fight the night before.  
Some kids had been hurt and the police threatened to shut The Pavilion down until guilt could be established.  
Luckily the threats were empty and the kids themselves admitted to the disturbance.

Then there were equipment issues. The bass amp shorted out.  
It had actually sparked and almost caught the felt covering on fire.  
Berry Lands, the bassist from the opening act, Kingsly, was kind enough to lend them his amp.  
... But then they discovered one of Micky's toms was missing.  
It was an important tom tuned just right for _Steppin' Stone_, a crowd favorite.  
Well... Maybe they could get by without _Steppin' Stone_?

An hour before their set, the guys were panicked. They had spent all day dealing with these issues, had not even rehearsed and still didn't have a tom.  
All was lost.  
Then Chris came in with the tom. It had been in his cab since San Marcus, where it had been left backstage by the one of the tour roadies.  
Chris had been thoughtful enough to grab it but drunk enough to forget he had grabbed it.  
Yea Chris.  
But small things like small toms really do make or break a day. Optimism and excitement returned.  
With or without rehearsal the guys were ready to tear it up.

And they did.

* * *

"Ohh...ahh..ahh fuuck... Cynthia"

"It's ... ahh ...it's Vanessa"

"oh...uuah..oh?..._fuck_, I'm sorry..."

.

They've been going at it for about 5 minutes or so.  
She had come up to him after the show with a friend and a beer.  
The friend was for Pete. The beer was for him.  
She had an air about her that said _FUCK ME_.  
Micky had a feeling that was exactly what he was going to do.  
Then after a bit of "How do you do's?" and pleasantries that are required when meeting someone for the first time, his suspicious feelings were confirmed when she put her hand on his shoulder and whispered "You want to go somewhere?"...pretty cliché.  
But he did, He did want to go somewhere.  
He took her to the only place he could, his recently proclaimed home away from home. It was the RV that the band had bought for their tours.  
She was wearing a very short red leather skirt and much to his surprise ...actually, no not really to his surprise,  
...he had a sixth sense about these things ….she wasn't wearing anything underneath.  
As soon as he got her inside she pushed him down onto one of the sleepers along the wall and proceeded to straddle him.  
No romance, no foreplay, ...hell they weren't even lying down.  
She kissed him once and then with a sleight of hand she had his pants unbuttoned and he was deep inside.  
_Very deep._

And he had just called her Cynthia?  
_What was her name again?_  
Oh well... She's probably been called worse. Clearly this wasn't her first rodeo. She'd done this before.  
But he hadn't...not really...

There was something about that thought that suddenly brought everything from the last 9 months to the forefront of his mind.

Last year they had been working really hard just to get local club gigs.  
They were usually rejected for bands like _The Flaming Mermen_, an interesting enough name but no personality to back it up.  
They had been the epitome of the words 'starving artist.'

But now they were on the road…along with the _Mermen_.  
They were making money. Having the time of their lives.  
Lots of parties, lots of music, recreational drugs on occasion, meeting new walks of life, they had _fans._  
..._Fans_? Could he really call them that?  
...Yeah he could...

And now he was fucking a fan...a wanna be groupie.  
A 'Band Bitch' as Davy had so eloquently put it. And she probably got with every band member...  
or maybe even entire bands that she thought had potential.  
..._Potential_...an interesting concept and a promising one.

Then Micky realized that he was deep in speculative thought instead of enjoying this 'band bitch's' company.  
She was in his lap, grinding away.  
Around and around and around...a little bit up...and then down..HARD.  
..._ohh goddd_.  
and around again.  
Fuck, this girl was good. Effortless. In perfect rhythm.  
Perfection that only one that's been around would have.  
One that's been with enough different shapes and sizes to know exactly what to do with his shape and size... a real dirty...dirty girl.

_Not _that it bothered Micky. Not in the least. It took all kinds in this world and women with this kind of cock pleasing ability were few and far between.  
It was a gift...her calling. It would be a shame not to embrace it. Not to get every ounce of pleasure out of her.

_Not_ that Micky was a pig, not that he thought that women were only on the earth to please men.  
_  
Not_ even cheap women.  
Even if he was using her for her 'abilities', tonight she was also using him.  
Girls like her fucked guys like him, guys in bands, guys with 'potential' in hopes that maybe one day one of those guys might make it big and might…. just might….remember her and throw her a bone of a different kind.

So really, it was a fair tradeoff, right?  
He was just helping her out and he respected her efforts.  
_Boy did he respect them..._

Besides, he knew her type all too well. She was like Linda, his long term girlfriend at home.

_Not _that Micky was being unfaithful to Lin.  
No, not at all. They had an _arrangement_. They had an open relationship...

_Not _that he wanted it that way.

She worked at a high-end nightclub in Venice called _Ella's.  
_Occasionally clients would want a little extra and pay a pretty penny for it. She would be called upon for _her_ 'abilities.'  
It was not part of her job description and it happened rarely but she made an amendment to their relationship that accounted for these little 'instances.'

Thus an open relationship  
...but not too open.

There were rules.  
Sex outside of the relationship was just sex and nothing more.  
There were no feelings, no strings, no unnecessary communication.  
And you NEVER EVER fucked anyone you knew.

He used to hate the arrangement even though everyone thought it was a pretty sweet deal, especially for someone in his shoes.  
Little did they know that he was a bit of a romantic. He had never taken advantage of it… _until now_.

Yeah he was as horny as the next guy but he loved Lin.  
He was under her spell. And she knew how he felt but she was a ree spirit and amendment or not she was going to do what she wanted.

But now that they'd were on tour, he was finally coming to realize that 'hate' really was a strong word for how he felt about it.  
'Dislike' was even a bit strong.  
He had started to understand the sexual power that he, as a musician, had over women… well, 'band bitches' anyway.  
And Lin had given him her blessing to fuck them.  
_What was he doing?!_ Why not embrace it?

He'd been kicking himself since Santa Fe where he'd met this cute, sweet as pie, blonde who had confessed her love for him.  
Love was out of the question and she'd accepted that but she'd still been willing…-  
-No, not willing- _anxious_… to sleep with him.  
He'd run.  
_Why?_  
He wasn't sure but tonight, when Cynth-  
-_No, not Cynthia, her name is Vanessa DAMN IT!-_  
When she had come up to him, he had been ready to go.

_Ah, Vanessa in his lap_, going to town. It was great.  
He didn't have to feel bad.  
It felt so raw, getting down and dirty with a stranger like this.  
He didn't have to worry about her; her feelings; her as a person.  
He could just enjoy the sensations she was giving him.  
_So then why did he feel guilty?_

Because Lin had him whipped. Simple as that.  
Lin had power. That was what she was all about.

Micky had met Lin through Peter's girlfriend, Tyler. She went by 'Ty' for short -her mother had wanted a boy.  
Ty had also worked at _Ella's_ a few years back when Peter had frequented the place. Peter never asked for special favors but had taken a shining to her. They started dating and got serious pretty fast.  
That was when Micky had been with Sabrina.

Sabrina had been amazing. She'd been everything Micky had ever wanted in a girl.  
She was beautiful, smart, funny, good as _fuck_ in the sack...  
Then she'd found religion.  
Things weren't the same after that.  
She'd closed him off.  
Their sex life slowly became non-existent. She started treating him differently, like a peon, someone below her, someone she pitied.  
The funny thing _was_ that she'd never even tried to convert him.  
The funny thing _was_ that he probably _would_ have converted.  
He'd loved her so much. He would have done anything.  
But she must have thought he was a lost cause.  
She eventually broke it off telling him he wanted too much from her. That she needed to be pure for her future husband.  
He'd asked her how she could be pure after everything they'd done. She'd only shaken her head and told him he didn't understand.  
He'd cried. He'd begged, he'd even asked her to marry him if that was what it took.  
She'd declined.  
He'd been heartbroken. Depressed. He slept for a month, only getting up to eat, shit and practice.

Then Peter had asked if he wanted to go out with him and Ty and Ty's super-fuckable roommate.  
He'd said no, wanting to bask in his gloom.  
Peter had not accepted that. "Come on man, she just broke it off with this guy she's been seeing for almost a year, she needs to get out."  
The guilt trip had worked. They went skating..of all things.  
It had been fantastic.  
Lin was beautiful. Shoulder length black hair, bright blue eyes, full lips and that body… Micky had been uprooted from his depression the moment Lin had skated towards him, grabbed him by the belt loops and pushed him against the wall. She had kissed him passionately.  
More passionately than he had ever been kissed by Sabrina.  
They'd lost balance on their skates and fallen to the floor. It hadn't bothered either of them in the least.  
Lin had climbed on top of him and continued kissing him until the skating rink's staff had come and asked them to leave.

They didn't make love that night or the night after.  
But the next night Micky had gone with Peter to _Ella's_.  
Lin was working.  
She had glanced casually in his direction when they sat down.  
She ignored him for a couple hours, letting the other bar maidens help him and Peter.  
Then without any notice she'd come up behind him, slid one hand down his chest and said "come with me."  
She'd led him into the walk-in freezer, where she'd pushed him against the wall…again, and began unbuckling his belt. "I want you right now" she'd said.  
Micky had been speechless. He'd finally nodded and said "Okay." She'd pushed him to the floor and fucked him.  
He hadn't looked back since.

Lin was fun.  
Being with her was fun.  
He never knew what to expect.  
She was wild.  
Working at the club had certainly given her unique perspective on life and how people can live it. She was usually up to anything and everything. She'd try anything once, twice or a 1000 times. She got to see a side of the world many don't see.  
The obscure parties, fascinations and fetishes 'normal' people do not show other 'normal' people. And she had a front row seat.

There were the drugs.  
She was a handler. She could get anything and everything anytime.  
She was the bands primary source for recreational substances. Not that they overindulged but having that kind of connection sure made sobriety a thing of the past.

And of course there was the sex.  
She was into a lot of kinky stuff. Stuff that Micky hadn't known about before meeting her.  
She was perpetually horny, she was dirty, she was dominating.  
She liked having sex in public places. She liked giving Micky hand jobs under the table at nice restaurants.

Yeah, she was fun.  
But sometimes… sometimes she wasn't so fun. Sometimes being with her, hurt.

They had a fantastic physical relationship but Lin wasn't very good at the emotional stuff. She never let Micky in. She never let anyone in..except Ty…_maybe_.  
Emotions showed weakness and Lin was all about power. She played mind games.  
She was brilliant actually…the way she could manipulate to gain control.  
And sometimes she could be a real bitch with no other reason than the fact that she just felt like being mean.

But that all came with the territory. A territory that Micky wasn't about to give up.  
He felt alive around her. He needed her. He loved her and...

_"oohohmygod...aahh..ffff...ffuucckk..."_  
He had drifted, he'd adapted to Vanessa's pelvic grinds and let his mind wonder and ponder...  
...again.  
But, fuck... if that last thrust...or whatever it was girls did, hadn't brought him right back into the present.

No more drifting...This was getting intense.

.

And of course, that was when Peter and Vanessa's friend, Cynthia barged in.

They were hanging on each other...lost in each other's bodies and mouths. They were here to do the same thing he and Vanessa were doing. That much was obvious.

Upon spotting them on the sleeper, Pete somehow managed to reel his tongue out of Cynthia's mouth.  
"Oh, um... hhhuhh...sorry..., I didn't know you were in here..."

Yet he wasn't making a move to leave. Neither was Cynthia... and when she dragged Peter to the sleeper that was against the wall adjacent him and Vanessa, Micky got an up close and personal view of Cynthia's back, Peter's face and the bulge in Peter's pants.  
_Are you kidding me?_ Not only were they staying but they had set up shop less than 5 feet away?  
_What the fuck?_ Couldn't they at least use the sleeper in the back? The one that Davy slept on?

To his credit, Peter did seem to have the same inclination. He kept glancing toward the back of the RV but his attention was quickly diverted as Cynthia pulled the same magic trick that Vanessa had pulled earlier. Straddle, pants down and IN!

_Okay..., so they were really going to do this... fuck right in front of each other?_...well, it certainly seemed that way.

It also seemed that Vanessa didn't mind. She even gave Cynthia a quick smile and a nod... with a "hey babe" to boot. Maybe this was their shtick?

Well...he was quickly losing his manhood. He tried making eye contact with Peter, to give him the '_get the fuck out of here'_ look but Peter's attention was elsewhere.  
_  
Elsewhere _was where Micky's attention should be too but he suddenly found that he couldn't tear his eyes away from Peter.  
He'd never seen his friend like this before.  
So worked up.  
Turned on.  
It was actually kind of hot.  
_WHAT? No it wasn't hot._  
_Nothing about it was hot!_  
...Well maybe Cynthia was..._but nothing else!_  
_It was weird and awkward….and NOT hot!_

Yet his manhood was coming back.  
Well that was kind of weird...

.

Peter was feeling bad about barging in on Micky but what was he supposed to have done? He'd been in danger of busting a nut before they had even gotten to the RV.  
…Well that wasn't really true. After all, HE was a man and, By-Golly, men had control over things like that...  
Yeah, they probably should have gone somewhere else,  
but he had been ready to go. He didn't want to waste time looking for another place.  
Besides, there really wasn't anywhere else _to go_.  
...Well maybe to the back of the RV... but...  
well...now they were in the 'Throes of Passion'  
_'Throes of Passion?'_ Where did he get that? A romance novel? He didn't read those.  
Still, it did sound a little too romantic for this slummy encounter.  
Whatever... 'Throes' or not, he was being a real dick to Micky...a real asshole.

.

Micky was still watching Peter. His expressions and body language were very different from what he usually saw.  
_...Obviously! Obviously they're different, you dumbass!_  
...When you see him he typically doesn't have a hottie in his lap pumping his joystick.  
Now he does...  
And so do you...  
He really should focus. He should….. he should but instead he continued watching. He wondered if this was what Peter looked like when he had sex with Ty.  
He'd like to see that sometime.  
….not Pete! but Ty.  
Yeah he would _love_ to see _that_.  
_Fuck._

He'd had plenty of fantasies about her. Nothing _too_ dirty.  
After all, Ty was an angel.  
His angel…  
At least that was the way he thought of her.  
She'd helped him through a lot of shit the past couple years. A lot of shit concerning Lin.  
Ty was his emotional backbone. She'd filled that void for Lin.  
He confided in her and she confided in him. She'd told him things. Things like: how she really felt about Peter fucking other girls on tour.

Lin had convinced Ty to let Peter screw around when he was on the road. She'd said Peter would probably end up getting some action anyways.  
"This way he doesn't have to lie to you." Like honesty was really something Lin was interested in.  
In reality, Micky thought Lin just wanted to mix things up. Or maybe she wanted Peter fucking other girls in hopes that Micky would follow suit and Lin wouldn't have to feel guilty about what she did with her 'clients.'  
Feel guilty? Yeah right. Not Lin.

Ty was smart. She saw through Lin's bullshit but Lin had a power over her that went back to when they were little girls. Micky had heard the story but he didn't know the exact details.  
In the end Ty had gone along with it but Micky knew she didn't like it. He knew that she had insecurities and Peter screwing around only made them worse.  
Peter had to know that too. He was intuitive although self deception could be pretty powerful.  
Still, if Micky had a girl like her, he wouldn't be caught dead fucking some stranger in an RV while his best friend watched.  
No, he decided, this couldn't be what Peter looked like when he was having sex with Ty. This was much too dirty, too raunchy for her.

Still, it was hot.  
_Hot?_ There he was with that word again.

.

Cynthia really knew what she was doing. Peter didn't have to do anything. She was in his lap doing all the work. Usually that didn't fare well; usually the girls he banged didn't really know what to do but it was like she was anticipating every move he would make and saving him the trouble.  
Her breasts were at eye level and he couldn't help but watch them move up and down with her rhythm.  
Funny, she still had her top on. The red lettering on it boldly proclaimed 'I Love The Flaming Mermen.'  
_...really Cynthia? Really?_ You love _The Flaming Mermen_? That talentless, bland, cookie cutter band?  
He supposed he was just biased. But how much did Cynthia 'love' the _Mermen_?  
He was almost willing to bet his entire pavilion check that she 'loved' them the same way she 'loved' him right now.  
Oh well, it went with the business. Still, he now found that looking at her breasts was just a bit irritating.

He'd been making it a point not to look in Micky's direction. Not to invade his privacy anymore than he already had.  
It was bad enough that they were practically at arm's reach. If he started making eyes at him... well…  
But..., it wouldn't hurt to just steal a quick glance and check him out. To fulfill an unspoken curiosity that most people have from time to time about the sexual habits of their friends.  
He glanced over and was surprised to find Micky staring at him.  
Micky quickly looked away...  
an impulse to be expected in those embarrassing, _caught-you-staring_ situations.  
But just as quickly he returned his gaze.  
Now this was interesting. They seemed to be caught in an eye lock.

It was an oddly intimate scenario. He felt uncomfortable. He felt vulnerable.  
So why wasn't he looking away?  
And why did he feel a sudden rush of...of what?  
He felt light-headed.

.

Well, this was awkward...  
He hadn't meant for Peter to catch him. And now Peter was watching him too.  
Things had gone from weird to weirder.  
From hot to….  
to what?.._hotter?_ Is that really what you were thinking?!  
He never realized he had these voyeuristic inclinations.  
_God this wasn't happening._

.

Peter felt hypnotized.  
And the way Micky was looking at him…_fuck._  
Who would have thought?  
He could hear Micky's breathing. He could hear it hitch and then level out and then hitch again…_and why was he listening to Micky's breathing?_  
Come on Pete, don't be weird.  
Well, with all the chaos and energy of the day, plus the emotional highs and the chemical highs something bizarre was bound to happen.

But it's not like it meant anything. It wasn't anything to get worked up about, right?  
No way would he be turned on by Micky under normal circumstance.  
Besides, it wasn't like he was turned on by Micky anyway. Obviously he was turned on by Cynthia and her ginormous plastic breasts.  
Which made him wonder _when exactly had she taken her top off?_

_._

_It was the DAMN sleepers!_ They were positioned all wrong! Being adjacent to each other like they were was an utter design failure! Didn't the manufacturers understand? He shouldn't even be able to see Pete! Didn't they think about things like PRIVACY?  
NO! They probably just wanted to see how many sleepers they could cram on this thing.  
Maybe they would win an award. "Well folks, this RV sleeps 72 and each bed can turn into a couch, a table, a spa and of course who could forget the teleportation device that actually renders the RVs traveling capabilities useless. But hey, at least it's versatile!"  
To hell with what people needed. To hell with PRIVACY! Those Assholes!

Micky knew that he was being _COMPLETELY_ irrational but he was getting real close and he didn't want to share that moment with his best bud. They shared a lot of things but this shouldn't be one of them.

.

Suddenly Vanessa leaned back and stopped rocking. "Cynth?"  
"Yeah"  
"You ready?"  
"Yep"  
Vanessa got off Micky and stood. She turned toward Peter and waited for Cynthia to get up.  
She then then took her place as Cynthia leaned over Micky.  
"Wh…What?" Micky looked at Peter. _They were switching?_ "Hey wait a minute"

_"Shhh"_ Cynthia said as lowered herself onto him. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

Micky looked at Peter. Peter's expression matched Micky's confusion.

When the girls were _settled_ again, Peter started laughing. "Oh my god this is so weird."

Yeah it _was_ weird.  
And Peter laughing was weird.  
And Peter laughing was great.  
Micky began laughing too. They continued laughing until their laughs turned into sighs and moans as things heated up again.

.

They still kept an eye on each other but most of the awkwardness seemed to have dissipated.  
Micky even caught Peter grinning at him a few times. And even though he knew it should bother him...it didn't.  
Actually...he kind of liked it.

He was getting close again. His senses were starting to take over. He felt himself tightening up, preparing for the inevitable.  
And there was Peter. Still there. Still watching him.  
Oh well...fuck it. It looked like they were going to share this after all.

.

Peter could tell it was about to happen. Micky's breathing was getting ragged, a lot faster, a little bit louder.  
He knew he should look away and let Micky have this moment to himself but he was transfixed.

When Micky reached his happy place, Peter got a real shock to his senses.  
He really hadn't expected to feel anything. I mean, why would he?  
But Micky, _that son-of-a-bitch,_ had looked directly at him at his critical moment.  
Then his eyes had glazed over, they had become liquid... right before shutting... right before he let out a short but sweet cry.

Peter almost followed him over the edge.

He was floored...breathless. He was having problems processing.  
That look in Micky's eyes...it burned into his mind...  
if only he could record that vision onto something tangible. The replay value would be priceless.  
He closed his own eyes.  
He was circling his own happy tingly place of no return.  
When he opened them he saw that Micky had recovered and was watching him again.  
And that look was still there.

That was what did it. He fell hard, intense. Every muscle in his body tensed up until he thought he would implode.  
Then the release. _God_-the release!  
Powerful and pulsing. He jolted against the wall.

He stayed there until it subsided. Until his mind cleared. Then he opened his eyes.  
He felt dazed. He felt good. The post orgasmic energy was washing over his body.  
His heart was pounding, so was everything else.  
He was light-headed and laid his head back on wall.

Vanessa had disengaged herself from his body and was sliding her red skirt down to cover herself.  
He had a fleeting concern about failing to satisfy her.  
It was only fleeting.  
He looked over at Micky who was in a similar state of relaxation.

Micky smiled and shook his head.

Peter laughed.

Micky laughed.

Peter laughed harder.

So did Micky.

They laughed until they were crying.

At some point Vanessa and Cynthia left. They hardly noticed. Finally the laughter died down.

"Oh my god, what was _that_?" Micky said as he lay down on his sleeper.

"I have no idea." Peter answered.

They grew quiet and Peter realized that Micky had passed out. He watched him sleep for a little while.  
Something had changed between them. Deep down he could feel it but denial was a great ally and a safe one.


	2. Alternate Title Part 1 Chapter 2

The next day at _Franky's_ the guys were getting breakfast. Everyone had had an eventful night and breakfast was usually a way for them to share and get back on the same page.

.

"So I got some action last night." Mike said.

Davy looked at him with mild interest."So?, you real proud of yourself or somethin'?"

"What?, No… it was just...just more interesting than usual, that's all."

"Oh, well please tell us about it."

Mike looked annoyed but continued "Okay, so these two chicks came up to me while I was at Merle's after party...we chatted a bit and then they took me into one of the rooms and started kissing each other...and-"

"-That's funny...You know that happened to me too." Davy cut in.

"Oh, ...well of course it did Davy. You're a real asshole, you know that?"

Davy ignored the remark "So did they let you join in?"

"Yeah,... well, I mean I made one of them wait outside while I banged her friend and then-"

"-You're an idiot!"

"What?...Why?"

"You made her wait _outside_?"

"Well yeah...I don't know, I guess I just like one on one...but that's not the point! I got to bang two girls last night in a matter of _15 minutes_..."

"15 minutes? You're a real winner, you know that?"

Mike tried to ignore the comment.

"Ok," Davy said. Well, I did it right. See...you should have done what I did. I had 'em both all over me, all over each other...they were kissin'...rubbin'..._VERY HOT_..." He emphasized. "Well maybe not as hot as the time with April and Jess...Jess? Was that her name?... Well... anyway, after all that we went back out to the party and here's the kicker...We did it again right in the kitchen."

"What the fuck ever Davy" Micky said.

"No seriously...Well, I fucked one of 'em anyway...you know, not both of 'em in the kitchen...that probably wouldn't have worked..."

Micky was shaking his head. "How? I mean weren't their people around?"

"Yeah, there were but we went in this corner by this window, behind a curtain. See, she had on this super short faux leather skirt...R E D...you know she's a real slut right?...Anyway she wasn't wearing panties. It was easy."

.

At the mention of "super short", "faux leather", "RED" and "wasn't wearing panties" Micky and Peter glanced at each other.  
..Vanessa.  
that skank!

.

Mike started to look confused "Hey wait a minute...Where did you meet them?"

"Merle's… what, you didn't know I was there?"

"Yeah but you said red skirt? You're not talking about Vanessa are you?"

.

Micky had been resting his chin on his arm. He gave Peter a sideways glance. Peter acknowledge by shaking his head and closing his eyes.  
So they had all had the pleasure of meeting Vanessa and Cynthia.  
Great.

.

"What? …What do you mean?...How do you know her?"

"Are you kidding me? That's….I mean..she's one of the girls…" He trailed off. "What time was this?"

Davy was shaking his head slightly still not quite understanding what Mike was getting at. "I don't know...maybe 3?"

Mike looked thoughtful for a second and then shook his head "Oh, ok then, that's great. Wonderful...so you got to them before me.

Davy still looked confused but he was catching on. "Wait...whoa, wait, are you sayin' that you fucked one of the girls I had a threesome with?"

Mike nodded. "Both of them, I think."

They stared back at each other, both had an almost comical look of disgust.

"Well that's real nice, that is." Davy finally said.

Peter and Micky had been sitting quietly and avoiding eye contact with Mike and Davy.

Peter started to laugh. "Oh if you only knew."

"What?" Davy asked "knew what?"

"How nice it really is!" His voice had gone up an octave and he lost it. He couldn't help it. He buried his face in his hands and when he came up again he had tears streaming down. He looked at Micky. Micky had his hand over his mouth, trying to hold in the hysteria but his eyes told a different story. "Isn't it nice Micky?" Peter choked out.

Then Micky lost it too. They must have looked like lunatics…but fuck it..this was too great.

Mike was growing alarmed. "Peter! What in god's name are you talking about?!

But he couldn't answer, not now. He only shook his head and looked at Micky. Micky could explain. At that thought a new round of laughter took hold.

.

Micky was crying. He couldn't believe the weird that had gotten weirder had just gotten even weirder. God he hadn't laughed this hard in forever.  
Actually, that wasn't entirely true. He'd laughed pretty hard last night.  
The funny thing was that this wasn't even _that_ funny. It was twisted. It was fucked up.  
Well…actually it _was_ funny…kind of.

He felt their eyes on him. He knew Peter had just passed the torch.  
_Ah, gee thanks Pete_... leave it to me to explain..._real nice._

He finally got himself together and looked up at Mike and Davy. They were looking at him questioningly.  
_Real nice..._  
Well he didn't have to play the game did he? He stared back at them and tried to play innocent.

Finally Mike said, _"FOR FUCK's SAKE WHAT IS GOING ON?!"_  
Then he quickly looked around to see if his outburst had affected other breakfast goers.

"Micky?" He said quietly. "Can you please tell us what's going on?"

_Ok fine,_ he'd better talk.  
He took a deep breath and smiled sheepishly."Yeah I can."

"Well please enlighten us."

"Well, …it just so happens that Pete and I _also_ got to make the acquaintance of the _lovely_ Vanessa and the _lovelier_ Cynthia"  
He smiled a winning smile and then after a few seconds he turned to Peter and said loudly "Didn't we Pete?!"

This got Peter laughing again.

"Yeah we sure did. Lovely aren't they?"

"Yes quite."

Mike and Davy stared at them.

Finally Davy spoke "What, so we all-? ...Wow, that's _really_ fucked up."

"Yeah it is" Micky said.

After a minute, Peter, who had finally gotten a handle on his insanity, said "Well you know, I mean in a way, maybe it kind of like, solidifies us as a serious band….I mean…well,…when bands get big I'm sure this stuff happens all the time, right?"

They were quiet, thinking.

Then Mike said "Yeah maybe. I guess we could think of this as some sort of demented bonding experience then."

Micky and Peter looked at each other. Oh,..if only they knew…

The rest of the tour went equally as well as the night in Austin.  
They were hot. They knew it.  
The crowd knew it.  
They did no wrong. The _Mermen_ could suck it…

In some strange way the whole girl sharing thing had brought them closer, made them more cohesive. It was rock and roll. Weird things happened on tour. In retrospect it really wasn't even _that_ weird.  
They teased back and forth about who was better and what kind of noises they got out of the girls.  
Micky and Peter certainly participated in the banter although they never shared the fact that they had been together.  
What had happened was personal, between them…they didn't feel comfortable talking about it, not even with each other  
…especially not with each other.

On occasion when the subject of 'the twins' came up; 'the twins' being Davy's label for Vanessa and Cynthia, Micky and Peter would share a look that said _yes, I know what happened. I know what we did, what we saw, what we felt, now let's forget about it. _  
It was the only way to keep things normal.

* * *

When they returned home they were happy to get back into their regular routine although it was a bit of a shift. They were so used to the idolization, the girls, the parties, the drugs. But it was good to get back to reality. It would make their next tour that much more enjoyable.

Micky and Peter were happy to see their girls. They spent every opportunity with them.  
Lin and Ty had wanted to know everything about their tour.  
How had they done? Who had they seen? What was it like being in the road?

_Who had they fucked? _Didn't come up.

They resumed their daily rituals of sleeping late, having practice, hanging out at the beach and doing odd jobs here and there to supplement their rent.

* * *

A couple weeks later Lin and Ty showed up with a gift. Mushrooms.  
It seemed like a good idea. They weren't doing shit.

Mike and Davy had taken the bass amp over to Chris's to get it rewired and pick up some other equipment.

Sure, what the hell? Mushrooms were fun.  
The day got brighter. Everything was entertaining.

Peter had become obsessed with the floor. He strongly believed that there were fish swimming around on it. He'd followed one of them into the hall that connected the living room and the carport. When they realized he'd been gone for a while they went on a search and rescue. Of course the place wasn't that big and they found him in the hall. He was lying flat on his back. The fish had moved up to the ceiling.

Actually there _were_ fish on the ceiling. They all saw them.  
Micky laughed. He knew it wasn't real, but _why_ were they all seeing the same thing?  
_Weird._

"Wow you know I bet the energy would be through the roof if you took mushrooms before a show." Lin said "Can you imagine?...I mean if we are all seeing the same thing we must be connected by _some_ sort of energy. If you guys did this and started playing I bet you come up with some far out shit."

"Yeah maybe," Peter said "but I don't know. I mean this…this is weird. I've never had this before. I've eaten mushrooms plenty of times and never had a shared hallucination. What if we all took them and did our own thing? Or maybe we'd start fighting or get naked or freak out. Fuck, we'd probably end up in jail."

"Yeah maybe" Lin said "but at least you'd have one of those weird band touring experiences you always hear about."

Peter and Micky shared a look. "Yeah I think we're good on that." Peter said.

"How's that?. Did something weird happen on tour?"

_Oh shit_, he shouldn't have said anything.  
"Uhh.. no..._no_..not really no."

"Uh huh." Lin looked skeptical.

Suddenly the floor became very interesting. Maybe not as interesting as the ceiling but certainly more interesting than Lin's prying gaze.  
Micky seemed to think so too.

"Is there anything you guys want to talk about?"

Peter shook his head but he was looking at Micky.

Lin looked at Micky. "Micky?"

"No, I'm good."

"Ty, you think these boys are hiding something?"

"Certainly seems like it." Ty said.

Micky and Peter shared a conspiratorial look trying to silently communicate the pros and cons of talking.

Finally Micky said "Look, it's nothing really."

"Ah hah. So there is something. I knew it!"

Micky looked annoyed. "No, I mean, it's just this weird _little_ thing that happened when we were in Austin."

"Which is?" Lin looked very interested. The ceiling had been completely forgotten.

"Fuck Pete, why did you have to say anything?!"

"Oh my god! This _is_ something then huh?...Something _big_?"

"No it's not big, it's _little_!" Micky snapped.

Peter looked sheepish. "Sorry Mick."

By now Lin and Ty were both giving Micky the 3rd degree with their eyes.

"It's not that bad..It's not bad..we just-"

"-We all hooked up with the same chicks." Peter finished for him.

"You _all_? Lin asked slowly.

"Yeah, you know, me and Mick and Davy and Mike."

"What like a gang bang?"

Peter looked at Micky questioningly. "No..?"

Micky shook his head. "No." he said adamantly.

"No" Peter agreed. "Not really."

Lin looked amused. "Not really?"

"No." Peter said again. Fuck, he was digging them a hole.

They got quiet. After a few seconds Peter said "Well see, no, because we weren't all together. It was just me and Micky. I mean Mike and Davy hooked up with them later."

Micky was shaking his head at Peter. "You're such an idiot."

"Yeah." Peter agreed.

"Ok, so then it was just you two that did the gang banging then?" Lin was enjoying this.

Micky looked like he wanted to kill Peter.

"It just sort of happened like that. And it wasn't a gang bang _ok_? We didn't have anything to do with it. It was them. It was both of them. I swear they were acting together. They had it planned out or something."

"Seriously Peter, do you know how you sound right now? 'They tricked us into having sex with them..those bitches.'" She laughed. "Oh and, by the way, Micky congrats on getting some road action. First time right?"

Micky had been caught off guard. He looked embarrassed.

"So, did you guys screw around with each other?" Lin asked casually.

Peter and Micky looked startled. "No! Fuck no!"Micky said.

"Ok." Lin laughed again. "Sorry I asked, did you at least watch?"

She didn't need an answer. It was written all over their faces. Yeah, they were guilty.  
"It's pretty hot, isn't it? I always thought it was anyway."

Peter looked up. "Wait... you always thought it was?...So you've…you've done that sort of thing then?"

Lin smiled. "Please Peter, I get that this is your first time to go a little 'wild' but come on. Who are you _talking_ to?"

"Hey I've gone wild before."

Lin rolled her eyes.

"Who were you with?" Micky asked Lin, not sure if he really wanted to know.

"Well, I don't remember their names, …do you?" She looked at Ty.

Ty was put on the spot. She stared daggers at Lin. Lin only smiled back. Finally Ty shook her head. "No."

Peter was amused. "Really? You two? I didn't know about this. Micky did you know about this?"

Micky was shaking his head.

"Why didn't we know about this?" Peter asked.

Lin shrugged. "It was a long time ago...before we met you guys."

"Ok, well then, is there anything else that happened a long time ago before you met us that we might like to know about?"

"Oh yeah." Lin laughed. "I'm sure there are tons of things you guys would like to know about."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, why don't ask something"

Peter looked at Micky. Micky shrugged. Peter turned back to Lin. "Did the two of you ever screw around?"

Lin looked at Ty and smiled a coy smile. "A little."

Peter smiled a shit eating grin and looked at Micky again.

Micky's own shit eating grin was beginning to surface. "That's...uh...that's kind of hot." Micky said.

"Yeah it was…and that reminds me...you never answered my question."

They looked at her dumbly.

"Was it hot for you guys?"

"What? No, we didn't do anything with each other. That's weird!"

"No, I meant was it hot _watching_ each other?"

Once again, there was really no need for an answer. Their faces told the story. But this time she wanted to hear it. She waited them out.  
They were looking at each other again, afraid to be the first to admit that it was.

"Kind of." Peter finally said.

Lin smiled "What about you Micky? Did you like it?"

"Come on Lin, what are you doing?" He asked.

"Nothing. Just answer the question."

"I don't know…I mean it was weird."

"Weird in a good way?"

"Yeah I guess."

"You want to do it again?"

"What?"

"You want to do it again? Do you want Peter to watch you fuck me...right now?"

"No I wasn't asking-"

"-I know you weren't asking" Lin touched the inside of his thigh and squeezed causing Micky to jump. "Doesn't mean you don't want to." she said while she moved up to straddle him.

.

Micky didn't know what to say. He looked at Peter for help but Peter seemed pretty surprised by this turn of events as well. He just stared back stupidly.  
Then Lin started rocking.  
It felt good. Real good. Better than it should, which probably had something to do with the mushrooms.  
He was starting to press hard against his jeans. He let her continue.  
She started to bite at his neck causing just the right amount of pain. He leaned his head back against the wall and let out a long ragged breath.

"I'm going to fuck you Micky. I'm going to fuck you while Peter watches. Isn't that what you want?"

She stopped rocking and began pulling at his shirt. The break from stimulation cleared Micky's head.

_No this was different...this was Lin. This was too weird._

"Wait, No, Lin. I don't want….I mean this isn't... …" he trailed off.

She stopped pulling on his shirt. "You don't want to do this?"

Micky looked at Peter. "I don't know…it's just…I don't _know_…"

Lin got a gleam in her eye. She quickly got off of him and sat next to Ty.  
"That's fine. You know it's fine if you don't want to fuck me in front of Peter." She laid her head on Ty's shoulder and looked back at Micky.  
"Maybe you'd rather fuck Ty in front of Peter."

.

She got the reaction she'd expected. The one she'd hoped for.  
Micky, Ty and Peter were all looking at her. Their faces were priceless. Oh, she liked pushing boundaries. Mixing things up. Creating tension. It kept things interesting. She couldn't help but notice the uneasy looks that were going back and forth between Micky and Peter.

Finally Micky looked back at her and shook his head slowly. "_No_."

"Of course you would." She brushed through Ty's long hair with her hand. "Why wouldn't you want to? You _have_ seen her _haven't_ you?"

He didn't answer her. He was just shaking his head.

_Micky_ was being _defiant_?  
Oh well, time to bring out the big guns.  
She turned to Ty. "Ty, would you please fuck Micky for me?" She laid the charm on thick. "See...he _wants_ you to."

Ty glanced sideways at Micky. Lin followed her gaze and was amused to see a bewildered expression on his face.  
"and I want you to" she continued. "and I think...maybe...that you do too."  
She looked over Ty's shoulder at Peter. He looked a little peeved. Nothing major. She wasn't going to worry about it. She gave him a wink before looking back at Ty.  
She could see the gears working in Ty's head. Ty was no fool. She knew exactly what Lin was up to and Lin knew that it didn't matter. Ty would always give in. They'd played this game countless times….ever since they were kids. "What do you say?"

After looking at Lin for a few more seconds Ty looked back at Micky. "Ok."

And without even a glance at Peter, she made her way toward him. What a good girl. So obedient.

.

Micky was stunned. Did Lin really have this kind of power? She could just will Ty to fuck him?  
Fuck...was Ty really going to _fuck_ him?

"No No, no Lin, Come on, _what the fuck_?"

"Come on Micky, she wants you."

"No, she doesn't want me. She just wants to make _you_ happy."

"Oh Micky, that's not true. She adores you."

He looked at Ty. She had her long skirt hiked up and although he couldn't see anything, he knew that she was sliding off her panties. He swallowed hard.

_Pete! _Pete would stop this madness.  
Micky looked at Peter. He was watching Ty.  
"Pete?!"  
Peter didn't respond.

"Come on man!" Micky sounded a little desperate.  
Peter met his eyes. He looked uneasy but he wasn't stepping in.  
_What the fuck?_

"Pete?"

"It's ok..."

That hit him like a ton of bricks. "_What?!_"

Peter only stared back.

This didn't make sense. He was reeling. He couldn't think clearly. Maybe it was the drugs but...no. _No!_, this just didn't make sense!

Ty had removed her panties and was moving in closer.  
She put her hand on his shoulder while she moved up to straddle him, just as Lin had done, not even 5 minutes ago?...

Then she was in his lap.

.

This was Ty. This girl in his lap was Ty.  
He _knew_ Ty.  
He'd known her for years.  
She was Pete's girl.  
She was Lin's best friend.  
She was the beautiful blonde who was always around but always out of reach.  
She could knock anyone dead with a wink or a smile. He was certainly guilty of having a fantasy or two about her.  
She was smart and intuitive and creative.  
And shy and insecure.  
Passionate. When she sang, painted. And according to Pete, when she made love.  
She was a sweetheart.  
So vulnerable. An angel.  
_His_ angel. His friend.  
She was perfect, untouchable...and not his..._not his at all!_

Well it seemed that a few things were changing.

.

She'd situated herself and had starting fiddling with his belt. She leaned in and whispered. "Did you know that I have a crush on you?"  
It echoed in his mind becoming lyrical and beautiful. He inhaled sharply and closed his eyes. When he answered it came out choked and barely audible. "No..i didn't".

Then everything turned to slow motion.  
He couldn't breathe.  
He couldn't move.  
He couldn't think.

But he _could_ feel.

His heart pounding in his chest. His stomach fluttering. His muscles tensing up.  
He could feel the blood pumping through his body. He could feel it filling his lower region...making it swell. Making it throb.  
He felt weak.  
He felt light headed.  
He felt excited.

He opened his eyes and brought them up to meet hers. What he saw in hers was the same nervousness that he was feeling. But under that they were swirling with anticipation.  
He could actually see the swirls. He wondered if his eyes looked the same.

Then she was pulling at his shirt. Then it was off. Then she was pulling at her own shirt. Then it was off also.

He tore his eyes away long enough to glance at Lin and Peter. He wanted to make sure that this was really happening, that he was really here, that this was ok… what they wanted..and not some elaborate set up or prank.

There were no objections. Peter still looked on edge but he wasn't stopping it.

That thought was pushed aside when he felt Ty tugging at his pants.  
She had them unzipped but was unable to get them down far enough to access his goods. He instinctually lifted his butt off the ground enabling her to free him of them. Then they were off. And although Ty's long skirt was covering them both, there was nothing to separate him from her.

Micky realized that he was breathing hard and he wasn't even inside her yet. He let out a nervous breath when she brushed against him. He slid his hands under her skirt and up her thighs.  
He was afraid to look at her. Then she was lowering herself and he _had_ to look. He had to see the swirls in her eyes again.  
They were still there...swirling faster. Just as he went inside they darkened.

.

The first few minutes were strange. The mushrooms and emotions and the weirdness of the situation were having a great affect on Micky.  
He felt amazing but he couldn't move. He felt like he was in a dream. One of those dreams where you try to walk or run but never get anywhere. Those dreams were usually frustrating. This wasn't. This was great. He just wished he could get his body to catch up to his mind so that he could do all the things he was imagining.

Ty leaned into him. She placed her hands on either side of his face and brought it up to hers. She kissed him.

And then he was free. Her kiss had unlocked his body.  
He wrapped his hands around her back and pulled her closer. He needed her closer. She already had a faint rhythm going and he matched it, accentuated it with his own. She responded by pressing herself into him even more. She wrapped her arms around his neck and grabbed handfuls of his hair.  
He kissed her.  
Then he kissed her again and didn't stop.  
She became part of him. They were breathing together, moving together, feeling things together. Sensations took over. Took on a life of their own, becoming music, becoming color, becoming life itself.  
Micky lost himself. He lost her. He lost the world...time...They didn't exist.  
They had become this feeling. This moment. This motion. It was the only thing there was and ever would be.

It went on forever.

.

"Oh my god." Someone said from another dimension. Another time.

It was Lin.

Micky reluctantly separated his spirit from Ty's and re-entered the world.

He was dazed. Ty looked dazed too.

He looked at Lin who had brought them back. She was captivated. So was Peter.

He knew that under ordinary circumstances he would feel very uncomfortable to have someone watching him with this much attention, even if he wasn't being intimate.  
But now….now it actually seemed right.

They were a part of this.  
He felt so much love for them.

As if thinking the same thing Ty leaned backward towards Peter who was sitting against the wall behind her. She reached for him and grabbed his hands. She pulled him close and laid back into his lap. She wrapped her hands around his neck. He leaned forward and kissed her upside-down. Lin had moved in and was touching Ty's stomach.

They were all connected.

Lin caught Micky watching her and smiled. It was almost too much. He suddenly felt very emotional.

Then Ty sat back up and was pulling into him again. All of his focus went back to her and the other universe...

.

"_What the fuck_?!"

They froze.

Davy was standing in the hallway. He had just come in from the carport and had a load of equipment. He looked genuinely shocked. Mike stepped in behind him.

_Fuck_, they hadn't even heard them pull up.  
They'd lost track of time. What time was it? How long had this been going on?

"Um...I'm sorry" Davy said and walked back out to the carport load and all.

Mike stayed put. He surveyed the scene. Finally he said "Peter, isn't that your girlfriend in Micky's lap?"

Peter didn't answer. He just looked at Micky and fought the urge to laugh.

"Right ok." Mike said. "Well this is real neat and all but I got a shit ton of shit I want to put down and I need to get through." He walked passed them mumbling to himself. "This isn't a bedroom…it's a hallway. Hallways are what you walk through and that's what I'm doing 'cause I use hallways the right way unlike some folks. Pardon me."

Micky had been holding his breath. As soon as Mike was around the corner, he let it out.

The four of them sat there momentarily at a loss for words.

Then Ty reached for her shirt. She turned back to Micky and looked at him regretfully. "I wish…" But she trailed off. Instead she cupped his face and kissed him on the forehead before getting up to dress herself.

"Ok, well I think we are going to go." Lin said.

"Right, that's probably not a bad idea." Peter said.

Ty gave Micky a last look before bending down to kiss Peter's cheek.

Then they were gone.

.

Micky and Peter were left to stare at each other. They didn't say anything at first. Each was bewildered by the events that had taken place in the last couple hours.

Then Micky said "You think we're in trouble?"

Peter cracked. He began laughing like a loon.

Micky joined.

Davy came back in. "I guess it's safe right? I just saw the girls leaving."  
He got no response. He'd walked into madness.

"Right, ok…. you guys are completely crackers..uh crazy. You know that?"  
He passed them with his load.

Finally they got themselves under control. "Ah jeez" Micky said, catching his breath. "You want to leave….deal with this later?"

Peter was about to reply when Mike came around the corner. "Oh. The girls leave so soon?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Listen, I want to have a little heart to heart in the kitchen when you get a chance." Then he left.

"What do you think he wants to talk about? Peter asked starting to laugh again.  
Then he spotted Micky's shirt and handed it to him. For some reason this was also extremely funny.  
"Well I guess we better go face the music." Peter said dramatically.

"I have to take care of something first."

Peter gave him a knowing look as Micky headed to the bathroom to relieve the tension he had built up. Peter bravely walked into the kitchen alone.

.

"Oh glad you could join us." Mike said. Where's Mick?"

"Oh uh…He had to do something real quick."  
Peter sat down at the table. There was an awkward silence.

Davy was staring. Finally he said. "So Micky was just havin' sex with your girlfriend. Did you _know_ that?"

Peter buried his head in his hands and began to laugh again. He managed to look back up and say between laughs "No Davy, are you serious? I didn't know." before burying his face again.

Then Micky walked into the kitchen. When he saw Peter's state he knew that he was going to have to be the one to explain things.  
"Alright...first off, I think you guys should know that we are under the influence of mush..." But he couldn't finish. He went into his own fit.. he had to sit. He pulled up a chair next to Peter and slapped him on the back. They were lunatics…both laughing and crying and falling and leaning into each other.

Mike and Davy were staring, not knowing what to say or do to stop the insanity. Mike decided to let it pass and leaned back with his arms crossed. Davy looked like he wanted to laugh himself even though he didn't know what was so funny.  
Peter and Micky didn't know either.

Finally, for the third time that day the laughter died down.

Mike cleared his throat. "Now at the risk of sending you two into another frenzy, would someone like to explain what the fuck is going on here?"

Micky wiped his eyes. "Well what I was saying is that we took mushrooms. I think that should effectively explain any and all bizarre behavior you have witnessed here today."

"_You think so?_ If that's the case things are going to be pretty awkward between you guys once you come down."

"_You think so?_" Micky asked mocking Mike. "Yeah well I already figured that much."

"Ok ….whatever…. look I could really give a shit what you guys do and who you do it with but I don't want it to affect the band. I had a couple friends that started swinging and everything went to hell. Ok? We got a sweet gig going right now and you two better not fuck it up.  
Oh….and I don't want to see it either. Hallways are meant for walking from one place to another not fucking in. So keep it to the bedroom next time you decide to swing."

"Swing?"

"Yeah well that's what your doing isn't it?"

They looked at each other with realization and slowly started grinning.

"Yeah I guess so." Micky said.

Peter laughed. "So we're swingers then?"

"Maybe." Micky laughed.

"Well I'm sure glad I could help you guys clarify things." Mike said. "Oh and keep in mind that window by the carport. It faces Mrs. Purdy's living room and you know how she is."

They looked at each other in danger of cracking.

"Alright...meeting adjourned." Mike got up and left. Davy stayed and continued to stare at them.

"Jeez Davy, what's up?" Peter asked.

Davy looked down. "Nothin'." He got up and left.

Peter and Micky looked at each other. They grinned.

"Swinging?" Micky said.

Peter shrugged. "I guess it makes sense."

Micky nodded. "Cool man,….well I'm going to go for a run. I got some extra energy from those mushrooms I gotta burn."

"Sounds good…." Peter picked up his bass and began picking at it.


	3. Alternate Title Part 1 Chapter 3

Later that night after he had come down, Micky was in their room attempting to draw the swirls he had seen in Ty's eyes.

Peter came in.

Micky casually covered the drawing. "Hey" he said feeling a little on edge.

Peter sat on his bed and stared at Micky. "Hey yourself."

_Shit was he mad?_  
Micky looked down at his colored pencil and began peeling the wood back from the lead.

"So...you fucked my girlfriend today."

Micky jerked his head up and looked at Peter. He couldn't read his face. Was it accusational? But then Peter's face broke and he smiled.  
Micky let out a long breath and slowly smiled himself. "Yeah I _did_" he said as if he was just realizing it.

"Did you like it?"

"What? Come on man. Don't ask me that. How am I supposed to answer that?"

"Really Micky, I think we are well beyond social codes right now."

"Oh," He laughed "yeah, you're probably right."

"So?"

"Yeah I liked it. Man you weren't kidding about her. She's..." Micky shook his head. "…passionate."

"I know right?" Peter grinned.

Micky was starting to get a little heated. "I wish we could have..." he trailed off.

"What?"

"Oh I just wish Davy and Mike had stayed gone a little longer."

"Oh, yeah."

"So you're ok with it, then?"

Peter grinned again. "Yeah I guess."

"You're not mad?"

He laughed. "No."

"Why?"

"I have no idea. Maybe since it's you?"

"Oh." Micky looked confused.

"But you know you're going to have to let me fuck Lin sometime…you _know_ that?

Micky laughed and then stopped when he realized Peter was serious. He fidgeted with his pencil again before saying "Yeah ok..." He tapped his pencil hard on the desk..  
"Actually yeah that'd be fine…I think...I mean she's already screwing the fuckers at her work. Why should I care if she's fucking you too?"

"Well you guys have that rule about sex with people you know."

"Fuck the rule, man! Whatever! I broke it today anyway. Actually Lin made me break it! Besides, I never liked that rule. I don't know what kind of people her 'clients' are. At least I trust you. You're not going to fuck me over, _right?!_" Micky threw his colored down on the desk.

"You ok there Mick?"

"Yeah I'm fine...it's just weird. This day is just really weird. I don't know what I think yet, man. I mean is this going to change our relationship?"

"Whose?"

"Any of ours."

"Yeah probably."

Micky sighed.

"But I don't know if that would be a bad thing."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean it might be fun."

"What?" Micky looked at Peter confused.  
But then he understood. "So you want to _swing_?"

Peter shrugged. "Yeah why not?"

"I don't know man, I don't think..." He paused and let himself go there. Actually it didn't sound _bad_. "Yeah but the girls would never go for it."

"Are you kidding? Who initiated things today?"

"Ok yeah, maybe Lin. But not Ty."

"I think she would. She has a thing for you."

Micky didn't know what to say. He felt blood moving to his cheeks. "Why do you think that?"

Peter laughed. "Well she not very good at hiding it. Don't worry it's not like I'm jealous or anything."

"It's not?"

"No man, we're solid. She can crush on whoever she wants. It would be kind of hypocritical for me to get upset."

"Hypocritical?"

"Yeah well, I get to sleep with whoever I want on the road so whatever, she can have her little fantasies."

"Fantasies?"

"Yeah, I just said that, I don't know if she actually fantasizes about you…I just think she does."

"Oh." Micky's head was spinning.

_Ty? _She'd told him she had a crush. Peter was saying the same thing. Actually, Lin had said something too.  
Why hadn't he known about this? Of course it wouldn't have mattered if he had. It wasn't like he would have done anything about it...right?  
Of course not….yeah of course not….  
Even if he had _tried_, she wouldn't have gone for it. She wasn't that way.  
She was an angel.  
...But what about today?  
He thought she had just been trying to make Lin happy but maybe there was more.  
She sure hadn't taken much convincing.  
God, it was all so confusing. What did relationships even mean anymore?

Micky was shaking his head. He was surprised when he heard himself say "Ok if she's in, I'm in."

* * *

The next day Peter woke Micky up by throwing a pair of socks at him. Micky slowly opened his eyes and saw Peter sitting on his bed looking at him. He had a stupid grin on his face.  
Micky's mind was still partially back in his dream and he wasn't sure if Peter was real or not. "Pete?"

"She's in." Peter said.

"What?"

"Ty's in."

"In what?" Then he got it. "Oh." He sat up and rubbed his eyes, trying to clear the cobwebs. "Really?"

"Yep. So you want to talk to Lin?

"Lin? Yeah ok." That was going to be a weird conversation.

"So really, she's in?"

"Yeah man I think you are the only one that had reservations."

Micky shrugged. "Apparently."

"But you know we're going to have to have rules and things. She doesn't want to bring anyone else in."

"Anyone else?...No….no, why would we do that?"

"I don't know." Peter jumped up. "Ok, well, talk to Lin. Let me know how it goes." He looked giddy.

_._

_Wow_, Micky never knew Pete was into Lin like that.  
Of course Peter probably never knew Micky was into Ty.  
Actually, he was feeling giddy himself. Not only was he going to have another shot with Ty but Peter and Lin were going to be there.  
Which was kind of weird….but yesterday he had felt so connected to all three of them.  
There was something about that. Something new. Something exciting. He was a part of something. He felt like he belonged in a way that he never had before. Like he belonged _to_ them.  
….and maybe they belonged to him too?  
Or maybe he was still in a daze from the mushrooms.

Well he better call Lin.  
He got up and dressed. Then he went downstairs to use the phone but Davy was in the kitchen.

"Hey man, did you sleep it off?"

"Yeah I guess." Micky said as he sat down at the table.

"So?"

"So what?"

"Well I mean yesterday you and uh….. Ty." He wiggled his eyebrows up and down.

"Yeah."

"So?"

"So nothing..everything's cool."

"Oh"

"Look, I was going to use the phone. Do you think you could-"

"-Oh sure" Davy said. He picked up the phone and sat it on the table.

"Thanks." Not exactly what Micky had in mind.

He waited for Davy to leave.  
He didn't. Instead he pulled up a chair and sat down across from Micky.  
_Great_.  
He waited some more. Davy just wasn't getting the hint. Finally he picked up the phone and dialed. He kept it short not wanting to clue him in.

"Hey..uh..you want to drop by later?" Usually that meant a bootie call.

Lin was happy to oblige..."Sure , on my lunch. It will have to be quick though."

When he hung up Davy was staring at him.

"What's up Davy?"

"Nothin'"

Micky stood up.

"You know you guys are kind of weird."

"Right back at you." Micky said and left.

* * *

Lin showed up 4 hours later dressed in her sexy little silver go-go dress.  
Micky had always liked the dress but wished she would only wear it for him and not to work every day. It was much too short and every time she leaned over a table to take an order or refill a drink the matching panties, which were also a part of the uniform, showed.

Lin was all business. She took off toward the bedroom as soon as Micky opened the door.

"Come on, I only have 30 minutes before I have to be back at work." She said as Micky followed her into the bedroom. She closed the door quickly and turned her back to Micky so that he could help her out of her dress.

"So..um.. about yesterday." He said as he unbuttoned her.

"What about it?" Lin asked as she let her dress fall to the floor and slipped off her panties. She began loosening his belt.

"Well it was kind of weird right… I mean me and Ty….but everything's fine… right?"

"Micky do you want to do this?" She stopped pulling on his zipper and looked up.

"Yeah."

"Well look, I don't have time to talk about feeling and whatnot. I have to be at work in 25 minutes which only gives us 10."

Micky just looked at her.

She smiled wickedly. Suddenly she pushed him down onto Peter's bed and pulled his pants off. She climbed on top of him and gave him a few quick strokes before sliding onto him. She didn't work into it. She started hard.

Really fucking hard.

He tried repositioning himself so that his feet were not hanging off the edge of the bed but when he lifted his chest up to get leverage, she slammed him back down. She twisted his head to the side and began biting his neck.  
Ah, it felt good.

He moved his hands up her back to pull her closer but she seized them and pinned them above his head.  
"Stop moving, damn it!" She said and increased her intensity.

This was what he liked about her...

This was also what he hated about her.

He liked that she took charge and did things to him. He liked feeling dominated.  
_Fuck._ It turned him on like _nothing_ else.  
This was no different. But recently she had been going too far. She just wanted him to lie there and take it...like he wasn't even a man.  
Sometimes he felt like nothing more than a hard cock for her to sit on.  
He wished, once in awhile, she would let him take control... or even participate perhaps. It would keep those thoughts at bay.

But right now he was worked up. She could do anything to him and he would love it. And he did.

She was riding him relentlessly,  
wild  
with no inhibitions.  
Seeking her own pleasure, her own release. But Micky's release was coming before hers, he was sure of it.  
And with just a few more oscillations he was there. He freed his hands from her grip and grabbed her thighs, pushing into her more to increase the sensation. The release was quick but intense. He felt it wash over his body and then it was gone.

Lin picked up her pace knowing that Micky had ejaculated and would soon be losing his erection. The speed and force was almost too much for him. It was overstimulating and just when he thought he couldn't take it any more Lin cried out and Micky could feel her tighten around him.  
She fell forward on his chest and lay there, but only for a second.  
She quickly jumped off the bed and began dressing.

Micky looked at the clock. They still 3 minutes to spare.  
He got up and pulled on his pants. Lin walked over and once again turned her back to him so he could help her with her buttons.

"Hey Lin?"

"What?" She said still out of breath.

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Micky I have to go."

"No you still have two minutes."

Lin turned around and looked up at him impatiently. "What's up?"

"Well... I was..I was talking to Pete...and you know yesterday was...well we thought ….and Pete already talked to Ty..."

"Fuck Micky spit it out!"

Micky bit his lip "We want to do it again."

He looked at Lin. She looked back expressionless.

Micky swallowed. "Or maybe make a thing of it….you know…_swing_?"

Lin nodded and slowly smiled. "Ok sounds good, I have to go." She said and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before walking out.

Micky stood there dumbfounded. _Well I guess she's in_. He laughed to himself.

* * *

A couple days later the four of them were at Lin and Ty's apartment. The apartment seemed like the best option considering Davy and Mike's intrusion a few days ago. Lin and Ty also had a roommate; Mable, but she worked long hours as a nurse and wasn't due in until 3 am.  
They were in Lin's room sitting on her bed. Lin was at her desk rolling a joint.

"So rules?" Lin said handing the joint to Peter. "If we're going to do this we need rules. Here's what I think. I think it should always be four of us… or, at least three anyway. No one on one." She turned to face them. "And this is only about sex. No emotions or anything."

"How can it just be about sex?" Ty asked. " I mean we're all friends here. There are already emotions involved."

"Well…I guess if anyone starts feeling warm and fuzzy …or if anyone starts getting jealous-"

"-So basically if it starts affecting our relationships." Peter said.

"Yeah sure…so what do you guys think?"

"Ok, but also, I don't want to bring anyone else in." Ty said.

Lin sighed. "Yeah … that kind of sucks. I wish we could leave that door opened."

"I don't want anyone else either." Peter said.

Lin looked irritated. "Micky, you feel the same?"

He nodded.

"Alright whatever….anything else?"

They looked at each other. No one said anything.

"Ok then." Lin stood up and looked at Peter.

"So you think you can handle me?"

Peter replied without hesitation "You know I can."

"Wow." Lin said. "Such confidence. I hope you can back that up."

She took the joint out of his hand and inhaled. When she blew the smoke out, she did it slowly keeping eye contact.  
Peter grinned.  
Lin handed the joint to Micky and reached for Ty who was sitting between him and Peter. She grabbed the back of her neck and laid a kiss on her before Ty even knew what was happening. Then she leaned into her pushing her flat on the bed.  
Peter and Micky wore matching slack jawed expressions.  
Lin reached under Ty's dress and ran her hands up the outsides of her thighs until she reached the waistline of her panties. As she ran her hands back down she brought the panties with her.  
She finally broke the kiss and Ty sat up, dazed. "What the fuck Lin?

Lin smiled and looked at Micky. "She's ready for you." Then she handed Ty's panties to Peter. "You still think you can handle me?"

Peter smiled big. "Oh yeah, I got it covered."

At that, Lin jumped up on him and began attacking his shirt. As soon as she had it off she pushed him down on the bed and began working on his pants. Before she could get far Peter grabbed her and rolled her on her back so that he was on top.  
A clear power play.

"So that's how you're going to be?"

Peter didn't answer. Instead he rolled her again so that she was lying on her stomach. He gripped her hips and pulled her up on her hands and knees in front of him. Then he leaned over her and said "This is the way you want it isn't it?"

"What, you think just because you got me on all fours you've won my heart?"

Peter rubbed her through her jeans. "I know I have doll face."

"_Doll face?!_" Lin said and tried to kick at him.

Peter pushed her face down into the bed and held her there.

"That's not very nice Lin." He said unbuttoning his pants with his free hand. "You know, I think you look kind of cute like this, with your ass up in the air."

She tried to kick him again but had even less leverage than before.

Peter freed himself of his pants and released Lin. He immediately began working on her pants. He had them down around her thighs in two swift moves, popping a button in the process.

He grabbed her hips, aligned himself with his target and rammed into her. He quickly pulled out and then rammed into her again. And again. And he kept going.

"Tell me I haven't won your heart yet, doll." He said between breaths. Lin was too busy moaning to retort.

.

Micky was in awe of Peter. Somehow he'd gotten the upper hand with Lin. Somehow _he_ was in control. And Lin had barely even put up a fight. If Micky ever tried to do something like that he'd get his ass handed to him. Why was that?  
Because he had been whipped.  
He knew his role.  
Micky looked over at Ty. She was watching Peter.  
He wanted to touch her. He just wasn't sure how. It wasn't the right time.

_Not the right time? Man, this is exactly the right time. What are we here for if this isn't the right time?_  
Yeah but she looks so delicate. A flower. It has to be right. It has to be perfect.  
_Whoa, wait a minute. What has to be perfect? Micky are you falling for her?_  
No!...no..I'm not. It's just the whole crush thing that has me spinning.  
I couldn't fall for her anyway…she's Pete's girl.  
_Then why does it have to be perfect?_  
I guess it doesn't…I just thought-

But then his train of thought was interrupted when Lin began crying out.  
Micky watched as she collapsed onto the bed, clearly done.  
Peter, however, wasn't and he tried to lift her back up so he could continue.  
Lin rolled on her back and this time she did kick him.

"Get the fuck off me." she said.

"What? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not done yet."

"So?"

"So? _Really_?"

"Yeah you'll just have to wait."

"For what?"

"For me to get back."

"From where?"

"I'm hungry I think I'm going to make a sandwich or something."

"A sandwich?"

"Yeah."

Peter looked perplexed. "Ok."

Lin got up, buttoned her pants the best she could with a missing button and walked toward the door. She turned around when she got to it. "Aren't you guys going to fuck or something?" She said looking at Micky and Ty. Then she left.

"Yeah." Peter said. "Or I could take over if you want Mick. Lin's kind of a bitch….leaving me hanging like that. Ty would never do that. I think I want to trade back."

Ty gave Peter a nasty look.

"Sorry Ty, I guess that sounded a little chauvinistic."

"Yeah you think?"

"Right...Hey do you guys want some pie?"

"What?" Micky asked.

"Pie. Ty do you have any pie?"

"Pie? Peter why are you asking about pie?"

"Cause I want some."

"_Okay_…..um…yeah maybe, I think Mable made some pecan."

Peter jumped up. "So you guys want any?"

"No man…isn't that the sort of thing you save for after sex?" Micky asked.

Peter shrugged. "Yeah maybe ….but that's assuming Lin actually finishes me off. If so I might have a piece then too."

He turned and left, leaving Micky and Ty alone. They looked at each other. Micky felt awkward.  
He reached up and brushed Ty's hair behind her ear.

"Ty...do you think this is weird?"

"Very." She searched his eyes.

"Yeah…me too." He rested his forehead on hers and closed his eyes.

"You know I have a..." He stopped and looked away nervously.

"What?"

He took a deep breath. "I have a crush on you too."

She looked at him and touched the sides of his face. Then she kissed him...gently.

"Ty, maybe we shouldn't do this. The rules..I don't want to do anything that-"

But he didn't get any further. She kissed him again...not so gentle.  
He forgot what he had been saying and let his instincts take over.

.

Peter found the pie. He also found Lin and cornered her in the kitchen. He had pulled his pants up before leaving the bedroom but hadn't fastened them. He reached down and pulled out his cock.

"You want some meat on that sandwich?" He asked flapping it at her.

She rolled her eyes.

Peter waited for her to come back at him with some sort of witty insult.  
Instead she dropped to her knees and had him in her mouth before he even knew what hit him.

"Oh fuck." He said as his mind caught up and began processing.

She went all the way down…taking him in.

_Oh, it felt good._  
He grabbed the back of her head. She immediately stopped and looked up at him with anger in her eyes.

"Don't touch me! I can't fucking stand it when guys do that shit!"

"Oh..um…sorry." Peter said berated.

Lin hesitated. "Whatever, just don't do it again." Then she went back to work.

_Jesus, what was that about?_ Peter knew that Lin could be a bitch but usually he just saw the funny, sarcastic, '_yeah I know I'm a bitch' side_.  
But he'd _actually_ pissed her off?  
Well, he'd better be careful. It was never wise to upset a woman when she had your dick in her mouth.  
The weird thing was, it was kind of hot being put in his place. Not the kind of thing he would want on a regular basis but …_fuck_. She had spirit didn't she?

He was breathing hard and he realized that he needed some sort of support, something to lean against. He reached for the cupboard behind Lin. It was a little far but it would do.  
Really he just needed to stay balanced. He didn't need to be comfortable.  
The movement made Lin stop again.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing." He said out of breath. "I just needed to hold onto something…..since I guess I can't hold onto you."

Lin smiled wickedly. She pushed him back a few steps so that the cupboard was out of reach.

"You think you need to hold on to something now?…you just wait."  
And she began again, only this time she went a lot faster, a lot deeper.

Peter's heavy breathing took on a vocal quality. The way she was going he wasn't going to last long….not long at all…..maybe a couple minutes…if that.  
His knees were getting weak.  
He clenched his hands at his sides. Lin slowed down and began giving his head more attention with her tongue.  
He looked down at her. What a weird site. Micky's girl treating his cock like a lollipop.  
She looked up at him and got that wicked gleam in her eyes again. She quickened the pace.  
Then he was there.

_"Ohh ohhhmygod…ah.. omigod."_

And he was spent. His knees gave out and he collapsed. He sat on them slumped over breathing hard.  
Lin quickly stood and went to the sink to spit out his fluids. Peter noticed.

"What..you don't swallow?"

"Nope."

Peter lay back on the floor. "Really? I'm surprised..a girl like you-"

"-A girl like me?"

Peter laughed. "Yeah well…I mean what do your 'clients' think when you spit?"

Lin walked over and kicked him…not hard but he got the message.  
"Fuck you Peter." She knelt down beside him. "First of all, I hardly ever suck off my clients. And second….when I do, they are too busy writhing in ecstasy to even notice."

"Writhing?" Peter laughed again. "Is that what I am supposed to be doing right now?"  
He began squirming around on the floor. "Oh Lin…my goddess..I writhe for thee."

She shook her head and stood. "You're such a smartass."

"Yeah I know."

"So you want some pie, then?" She asked pulling it out of the icebox.

Peter sat up. "Fuck yeah."

Lin began cutting slices.

"So what about Micky?" Peter stood. "Do you spit with him too?"

"Why do you care if I spit?"

"I don't really…I'm just wondering."

"Yeah…. most of the time I do."

"Why?"

"Because I don't like the way it tastes."

"Does it bother Micky?"

"What doesn't bother Micky?" Peter didn't get it. "What? What do you mean?"

"Oh come on he's so…soft…  
emotional."

"Micky?...well, yeah he is kind of, but not in a bad way. He's cool. What are you talking about? He doesn't get hung up on things."

Lin sighed."No you're right."

"You think he gets hung up on things?"

"I said your right."

"Then what's your deal?"

Lin looked irritated. "Nothing…I just think that there are a lot of things that bother him."

"Like you fucking around on him?"

"I'm not fucking around on him! We have an arrangement!…and you're one to talk."

_Alright he was going to shut up._.no need to go there. He knew Ty wasn't comfortable with him sleeping with girls on the road.  
_Yeah, but she says she is._  
Peter, who are you kidding man? You know her history. Of course she's going to act like nothing's wrong.  
_So why do you keep doing it?_  
FUCK! I don't know…It's a weakness I guess.  
_Well as long as you know…_

"So pie then?" He interrupted his thought process.

"Yeah, this one's cherry but it looks like Mabel made pecan too. Did you want pecan?"

Peter stood there indecisive. "Can I have both?"

"Ok." Lin got the pecan out of the icebox. "Do you think they will want any?"

"They said no, but uh….let's just bring them…..in case."

Lin grabbed a couple forks.  
They walked back towards Lin's bedroom. When they got there Lin paused causing Peter to run into her.

"Wait." She put her ear against the door. She looked at Peter.

"Well?" Pete asked.

Lin smiled a conspiratory smile. "Oh" She laughed. "They're going for it. "She cracked the door just a bit and looked in. Peter got behind her and tried to look in himself.  
He couldn't see anything.  
Lin looked up at him and put her finger to her lips indicating silence. Then she opened the door a little more allowing Peter visual access.  
What he saw brought a flutter to his nether region even though he had just ejaculated.

Micky was on top of Ty. Her legs were wrapped around him…standard missionary…nothing special.  
But there was something there. Something between them. Peter could see it.  
It was the way he was looking at her.  
The way she was holding on to him.  
The way he had one of his hands on her cheek.

They looked amazing together.

It was passionate, romantic, slow.  
It almost made him feel guilty about the 'wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am' style sex he and Lin had just had.

He watched as Ty reached up and touched the side of Micky's face. Micky lowered his head so that it was touching hers.  
They were looking into each other eyes.  
Open...vulnerable.  
Micky exhaled and then kissed her.  
They kissed for an eternity.

Peter glanced at Lin. She had a strange expression. He touched the back of her neck causing her to jump.

"What's on your mind Lin?" He whispered in her ear.

"I don't know….god look at Micky. He looks so _different_."

Peter looked. …_Micky_….he did look different.  
Natural...capable...confident. He looked like a real lover.  
When Peter had seen him in Austin, it had been different. Micky had just been fucking then…or rather, he had been being fucked.  
Now he was in control.  
Now he was making love.  
That gave Peter pause.  
Man, what the fuck was Micky doing here?  
He was making _love?_  
No way was he trying to move in on Ty….right?  
Of course not…no way man…he wouldn't do that.  
Yeah but look at _him._  
…..he's just doing his thing. Besides, you gave him your seal of approval.  
So I don't have anything to worry about?  
No…you guys are solid.

Ty began crying out, Peter knew she was almost there. He knew her cry. It was soft…sweet…but there was the pitch. He watched as her hands tightened on Micky's back.  
Suddenly Micky was crying out as well.  
The same sound he had heard in Austin…..If only he could see his eyes.  
But no, Micky's eyes were transfixed on Peter very own girlfriend.  
Oh…god, how he envied her right now.  
_Fuck! Man _what is_ wrong _with you? You envy _her_?  
He dismissed the thought as Micky spasmed and spilled himself inside of Ty.  
They had both come…within seconds of each other?  
Peter groaned.

Micky buried his face in Ty's neck.  
Ty closed her eyes and nuzzled down into him.  
They stayed that way.

Lin swung opened the door and walked in. Peter followed.  
She sat on the bed next to them.  
Ty looked up. "Hey Lin."  
Micky looked up.

Lin smiled at Ty. "So..is he good in the sack?"

Ty closed her eyes again and let out a long sigh. Then she nodded into Micky's neck.

Micky rolled off of Ty and sat up. He touched her shoulder and lightly ran his hand down the length of her arm before looking at Lin.  
"Hey." He said sleepily.

"You enjoy yourself?"

Micky nodded.

"Yeah it sure looks like you did."

Micky looked at Peter. "You've got one hell of a girl Pete." He laughed nervously. "Fuck."

Peter smiled. "You don't have to tell me."

"Yes but please tell me." Lin said with a bit of an edge. "I want to hear all about it."

Micky didn't answer. Instead he grabbed Lin around the waist and threw her back on the bed, causing her to drop the pies on the floor. He rolled on top of her.  
A daring move but after being with Ty he felt empowered.  
He kissed her neck.

"I have one hell of a girl too." he said and kissed her lips.

She let him. She even wrapped her arms around him.

_Wow they definitely needed to do this more often._

* * *

And they did. They embraced their new swinging lifestyle.  
They typically met up a couple times a week at Lin and Ty's apartment.  
Mable was hardly ever there and when she was she was too engrossed in her soaps or too busy cooking to bother them. Sometimes she would cook them a three course meal while they were in Lin's bedroom. They would come out to find the table set and Mable in the corner watching her programs. She hardly ever talked to them. Hardly even acknowledged them. She was clueless about what they were doing.

The same could not be said for Mike and Davy. They noticed a difference. Peter and Micky were louder. They were wilder. They seemed happier. They were even _more _prone to laughing fits. They would be quiet one minute and rolling on the floor in hysterics the next...with no explanation whatsoever. It could certainly get annoying but they also seemed a lot more focused. Practice had gotten better, more productive..even with the fits. Plus they had started messing around with new material. Which was great. They really needed some new stuff for the next tour. It was like a light had been turned on for them and they were on top of the world.

And they felt like they were on top of the world too. They were living it up. It was fun. It was energizing. It was harmless...after all they had their rules.  
It changed things up and they all got something out of it.

Peter liked getting dirty with Lin. Something he would never do with Ty...she was too delicate.  
He'd had rough sex a couple times before but this took the cake. The things she did almost bordered on abuse. And all the shit she talked, the mind games she played...damn.  
It was a constant power play between the two of them and Peter had gotten pretty good at standing his ground. It was exciting. No emotions, just fucking...mental fucking and physical fucking.  
HARD physical fucking. He was always finding new bruises and cuts on his body.  
Yeah Lin was a firecracker...a firecracker that explodes in your face.  
He loved every second but he often wondered why Micky was with her. Micky needed things that Peter was pretty sure Lin was incapable of giving him. But that wasn't for him to judge. He was just happy that he had a soft sweet girl to go back to when he was done having his fun with her.

For Lin it was a game. She was so used to having complete control. She had broken Micky long ago. But now Peter was a challenge and she liked challenges. She loved his spirit and couldn't wait to break it.  
Not that she didn't want him to have _any_ spirit...she just wanted to control it... the way she controlled Micky's. Things were easier that way.  
But right now she was having fun with him. He could be as dirty, mean and nasty as her...just the way she liked it. And when he started getting rough it took everything she had to stay in the game. Of course she would never admit to him that he satisfied her. That would mean defeat. He was adventurous and did things to her without being told.  
Micky used to be the same but regretfully she had killed most of that off. She hadn't known what she was doing back then. Back when they had first met. But she'd learned a lot since then. There was a fine line between submission and defeat. She should have been more careful. Of course she would never leave Micky. He was perfect for her. Deep down she loved him although she had difficulty with those kinds of things. Things like feeling. She knew she was a little fucked. She'd accepted it. Micky had too...she thought.  
But the interesting thing was that since they had started this thing with Peter and Ty, Micky had been getting a little bolder and things between the two of them had been heating up. Why that was, she didn't know but she was pretty sure she liked it..as long as it didn't get out of hand.

And for Micky, he was feeling like a man again. His balls had been released from their prison. Ty had release them. Bless his sweet angel. He was starting to feel more confident again. More in control. More like himself. Ty was an amazing counterpart. They fit together so well. Lin seemed to think so too. She was constantly pushing them closer together. Which actually seemed a little dangerous. He didn't really understand why she did it, unless she just couldn't see that there was more going on between him and Ty than sex.  
How much more...he wasn't really sure but there was something there and it seemed to be getting stronger.  
They were playing with fire but he wasn't about to put it out.  
Of course he wasn't going to do anything with the fire either. He loved Lin. He wouldn't hurt her...even if she was capable of being hurt.  
Besides, Lin had been responding really well to him lately. Whether she meant to or not, she was giving him a little power...or maybe he was just taking it. But either way he was starting to feel better about their relationship.

And Ty. She was in love.  
She was in love with Peter, yes, but she was also in love with Micky.  
She hadn't meant to be. It had just happened. And it hadn't happened recently either. It happened a long time ago although she hadn't admitted it to herself until now.  
It had happened when Micky came to her one night, drunk, crying and needing to talk. He'd just found out Lin was fucking her clients. He had been so hurt. It had broken her heart to see him like that. He'd opened up to her and she'd opened up to him. They had talked all night about relationships and life. She had told him things about Peter, about Lin. About her insecurities and fears. She'd even told him a little about her childhood and how Lin had saved her from her pedophile uncle.  
She trusted him. She trusted him completely. She felt like they really understood each other. They'd had a connection since.  
She'd always wondered what a romantic relationship with him would be like. She wasn't the type to cheat but she'd practically jumped at Peter's suggestion that they start swinging.  
And _being_ with Micky seemed to solidify that trust and understanding. He was so aware of her. He was gentle when she needed him to be. He was passionate when she needed him to be. He was always _whatever_ she needed him to be. He knew how to touch her.  
And he loved her. She could see it in his eyes.  
When she'd realized this, she had tried to opt out of their little 'club', afraid of where things were headed. She didn't want anyone to get hurt. Lin had just laughed and said she was cute.  
Ty had let it go but she knew that Lin was testing her now. She was testing Micky too. It was like she wanted to see how far she could push them. How far they would go without breaking. How close they could get to each other but still remain loyal to her.  
Lin was crazy but Ty had no intention of failing her test and she had no intention of betraying Peter.

…Of course she was still going to have her fun.


	4. Alternate Title Part 1 Chapter 4

It was a lazy Sunday about a month after their little "sexcapades" had started. It had all just fallen together. They'd had no plans to hook up but sometimes things just happened…for good or bad.

Ty was supposed to have been at work.  
Peter was with Mike tracking down a convertor for the bass amp.  
Lin was at a radio plug for _Ella's_.  
Micky didn't have shit to do.

He had gone to the apartment only to find out from Mable that Lin wasn't home. She had offered him pie which he accepted.  
Ty had come out of her bedroom when she heard conversation.

"Micky!" She seemed really wound up. She did a run skip over to his chair and swung around to the back of it. She wrapped her arms down around his neck and kissed him on the temple.

"Ty!?, I thought you were at work."

"Not me…no way..I got the day off!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, Ruby wanted to switch days with me so she could go to the lake with her boyfriend tomorrow."

"Oh." Micky said putting his fork down.

"Where's Peter?"

"Oh..ah he's out with Mike, getting a converter for one of the amps."

"Oh, that's fantastic!" Then she leaned close to his ear and said in a low voice that Mable couldn't hear, "Let's go to my room."

Micky was surprised. He craned his head back to see her face. What did she mean? Her face gave no indication. She just smiled brightly and grabbed his hand. Then she pulled him out of his chair and led him towards her room.  
Micky cast a glance at Mable, who was already picking his plate up and carrying it to the sink.  
Fuck..that girl had to know more than she let on.

Ty opened her bedroom door and then stood by it like a doorman. Micky went inside. She followed and then closed it behind her. Once closed, she leaned into it.

"Hi" she said.

Micky smiled an uneasy smile.  
He didn't know what to make of this. He wasn't sure what she was up to.  
Well, he had a pretty good idea….  
but it went against everything. Everything he would do, everything she would do and of course…it went against the rules.

As if reading his mind she said "Yeah I know we have rules. We can't do anything."

_So that had been what she'd been up to!_  
"Anything?"

He'd meant it as a question but she took it as an invitation. "Well maybe not anything." She walked towards him. "What can we get away with?"

_Ah...his angel had a little devil inside._

She circled around behind him and pressed her fingers into the muscles on his shoulders.  
"I supposed I could give you a massage." She whispered in his ear. "Rub you down a little." She said as she walked her fingers down past his collar bone to his chest.  
She withdrew her arms and gently turned him around to face her.  
"That would be friendly right?" She asked looking down at his lips.

Micky nodded slowly.

She looked up into his eyes. "And that wouldn't break the rules would it?"

He was getting hot. All he could do was shake his head.

"Good" She pushed him backwards and grabbed the bottom of his shirt pulling it up over his head. She spun him around and pushed him down face first onto the bed so that he was lying on his stomach. Then she jumped on his back.

_Fuck had she learned these moves from Lin?_ He had never seen her act like this before. What was she doing?

"It's a little warm, don't you think?" She asked.

Micky was lying face down and couldn't see her but when he saw her shirt fall on the floor next to him he knew she was undressing. Oh my god.._seriously_…what was she doing?

Then she began stroking his lower back right above the tail bone. She moved up to his shoulders and laid herself flat against his back so that he could feel her breasts on his skin.

"hmmmm", she purred in his ear. "Do you like that?"

"Uh huh" he breathed out heavily.

She moved down a little keeping her breasts on his back. She moved her hands down his sides just above his hips. She massaged him sweeping her hands down and under so that she was on either side of his groin.  
"And do you like that?"

"_Oh fuck_….." he groaned.

Oh how he wanted to be inside her right now. All he would have to do was roll over and unzip himself.  
But he couldn't do that. It would break the rules.  
_Yeah but weren't they pretty much breaking them anyway?_ Hadn't they been breaking them this whole time? He couldn't speak for her but he had definitely had some fuzzy feelings.  
Yeah maybe, but feelings had so many shades of gray.  
If they did this…well, this was black and white…and a clear violation. He couldn't do that to Peter...or Lin.

But then she started grinding against his ass, insinuating sex.  
He felt like he was going to lose his mind if he didn't get inside of her now.  
He rolled over. He had to.

And she let him. And she continued grinding into him.

He reached for her breast. She sat up and stopped.

"You shouldn't."

He was breathing hard. "I know."

"You have to roll back over."

"I know."

But then she began grinding again.  
He began doing the same.  
She started fiddling with his belt.  
She had it unbuckled and was pulling on his zipper when the phone began to ring. They ignored it.

Then Mable was knocking on the door. "Ty? Peter is on the phone."

Ty looked relieved and disappointed at the same time.  
She got up off of him. Micky groaned. She put a robe on and opened the door. Mabel had brought the phone with her. She handed it to Ty.  
Ty took it and fed the wire under the door. Mable got a good look at Micky on his back with a pitched tent in his pants. He gave her a half assed smile. She blushed. Ty closed the door.

"Hey Pete" Ty said cheerfully as she disrobed and climbed back on top of Micky. Micky let out an audible groan. He hadn't expected her to do that.  
Ty put her finger to her lips making a shushing sign. Then she began her rhythm again, driving him crazy.

He could hear Peter on the other end. He was rambling about the converter that they had gotten.

"Oh yeah that's real nice Pete."

Then Peter was saying "Yeah anyway I thought I'd stay on this side and come by to see you at work. When does your shift start?"

"Oh I got the day off."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, Ruby switched with me. You should come over… Micky's here."

"Oh he is?"

"Yeah, you want to talk to him?" She stopped her gyrations.

Micky shook his head fiercely. He was in no position to talk to Peter of all people. She smiled and bit her lip.

"No that's cool."

Micky let out his breath and Ty began moving against him again.

"So what are you guys doing?" Peter asked.

"Just hanging out." She winked. "He came by to see Lin but she's not here."

"Oh."

"You know you should really come by."She leaned into Micky "_We really want to fuck_."

He heard Peter clear his throat.

"But we can't," she continued "because it s just the two of us."

Peter laughed. "Oh nice so you only want me there so you can fuck Micky? I'm pretty useless otherwise I guess."

"No. I want you here so that you can watch me fuck Micky. That's not useless." Peter laughed again. "Real nice Ty."  
"So you coming?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in ten."

"OK, we'll try to behave until then."

She hung up the phone and jumped off of Micky.  
She began putting her clothes on again.  
Micky propped himself up on his elbows and watched her.  
When she was fully clothed she sat on the bed next to him and smiled.

"We almost did something bad."

Micky nodded. He laid back and began rubbing his forehead.

"What should we do until Peter gets here?" She asked.

He looked at her and was about to suggest they continue what they'd been doing, when they heard Lin's voice coming from the living room.

"Yeah it was a load of crap. I hate those radio plugs. You just stand around all day. It was pointless for me to even be there. It's radio, not TV. They don't need me to be there unless they want me to talk." Her voice was getting closer. "Yeah, a complete waste of time."

Mable was saying something. She had a low voice and they couldn't tell what it was.

"Oh really, he's here?" Lin asked. Ty and Micky looked at each other in alarm. Micky scrambled to get his pants buttoned and his shirt back on.  
Seconds later Lin knocked on the door and came in.  
"Hope I'm not interrupting anything." She came in and closed the door. "Ty? What are you doing with my boyfriend?"

"Just trying to keep my hands off of him."

"Oh, having success with that?"

"Not really."

Lin raised her eyebrows. "Oh?"

"Yeah, Peter's coming over so we were going to wait…. _But_, since your here, I guess we don't have to."

She looked at Micky giddily. He grinned and then she was all over him. She pushed him back on the bed again and began kissing him.

"Jeez guys, can't you wait until I'm settled first?" Lin asked but they didn't hear her. She threw her purse on Ty's dresser and realized it didn't matter if she was settled or not. They were so engrossed in each other right now that she may as well not even be here.

Ty was undressed again, this time with help from Micky. He hadn't been able to get her naked fast enough. She was working on his pants. She got the zipper half way down this time. That was good enough. He pulled out his cock and wasted no time getting it into her. He started his thrusts while Ty was still pulling on his pants. Usually they took it slow but she'd wound him up and he felt an urgency. She seemed to too. Finally his pants were down and he kicked them off impatiently. He sat up so that he had more leverage and began pounding into her. She wrapped her arms around his neck to hold on and began crying out in his ear. Her cries spurred him on. He went harder and faster. God he needed this.  
He was already close. So was she if the sounds she was making were an indication. Suddenly she pushed him down on his back and lifted herself off of him so that he was no longer inside.

"OOHH!" He cried out loudly in disappointment. _What was she doing?!_ He looked up at her. Her eyes were closed. Slowly she regained her composure and opened them.

"Fuck Micky, we have to slow this down."

"Uhhh." he groaned "Why?"

"Because I want this to last longer."

He dropped his head back, breathing hard.

Ty slid back down on him and pressed her hand against his chest indicating that she wanted to control the pace. She started out really slow but he was quickly worked up again.

His need for release was intense. But every time he got close she would change things up taking him down a notch.  
She was teasing him.  
He liked it.  
His muscles where on edge. He could feel them twitching involuntarily.

He barely noticed when the door opened and Peter came in.  
Ty paused. "Hey Pete."

Micky opened his eyes but they were having trouble focusing. Finally they cleared and he saw Peter standing by the door. He looked like he was in a trance.

"Lin got here so we started without you...I hope that's ok." Ty said.

The trance broke and Peter looked around the room, spotting Lin in the corner at Ty's desk.  
He smiled and walked toward the bed. He got to the edge and took off his shirt. Micky looked up at him dazed. "Hey Pete."

"How's it going?"

"Fucking amazing."

Peter grinned down at him and rubbed his hand through Ty's hair before turning to Lin.  
"Darling? What are you doing in the corner there?"

"Darling?...Really?"

"Well I know how much you hate 'Doll Face'."

Lin smirked but she rose from her seat and swaggered towards him."  
When she got to him he grabbed the bottom of her shirt and lifted it over her head.  
He sat down on the edge of the bed in front of her and hiked her short skirt up to her waist. He slid her panties down and grabbed her ass, pulling her closer so he could access her better. He began at her thighs and made his way up between her legs, slowly licking. She put her hands on his head.  
He was tempted to give her hell for that… the same way she'd given him hell when she'd gone down on him the first time.  
But he decided not to when he heard her breathing become uneven.

He smiled. She was enjoying this.

But after only a minute she pushed his head back and climbed on top of him. She leaned into him forcing him to lie down. He was in an awkward position with his head butted up against Micky's hip and Ty's knee. She shifted around on top of him before saying "No, this isn't going to work...you need to get on the bed more." She got off of him so he could reposition himself.  
He moved up on the bed beside Micky. It felt kind of weird lying so close to his naked best friend but it was for the greater good.

Besides, what were boundaries between them anymore, anyways?

He looked up and saw Ty. She looked so beautiful. Her face was flushed, her lips were full. Her hair was a mess. She looked exactly like she did when she was riding him.  
But she wasn't riding him. She was riding Mick.  
Lucky bastard.

Lin had moved between his legs and was aggressively pulling at his pants. He wasn't sure what kind rough housing she had in mind but it was probably going to be difficult on Ty's small bed, especially since they were sharing it. Maybe they should wait. Lin had his pants halfway down when she seemed to have the same thought. She sighed and stopped pulling on them.

"You want to just take this to my room?"

Peter was going to tell her that patience was a virtue and they could wait but then Ty began making the sounds he knew all too well.  
Lin wasn't going to have to be patient after all.

.

Micky felt Ty's body tensing up. He knew what was coming. He was ready for it. _God was he ready_. He was going to be right behind her. No more teasing.  
He pulled her down to him and held her face in his hands. Then he looked into her eyes and kissed her. But the kiss was quickly interrupted when she pulled away and began crying out in his ear. She gripped his shoulders and dug in. It was almost painful but it took his senses up another notch. Suddenly she stopped her motions and he felt her pulsing around him.

His nerve ending took over.  
His body seized up on him as he reached his own peak.  
All the tension that had been building this afternoon was suddenly being released all at once, at full power.

It rocked him.

He usually wasn't loud when he orgasmed but his cries quickly rose in volume with each spasm. He had to let it all out. He would explode if he didn't. Finally as he rode out his climax, his muscles began to loosen and his cries subsided. He was left lifeless, breathing hard. He could feel his dopamine levels rising, leaving him relaxed and hazy.

He felt Ty move on top of him. He felt her kiss him and then roll off. He laid his head to the side. His mind was slowly returning to reality. When he opened his eyes he saw Peter lying next to him.  
Looking at him  
…with hunger.

_Pete...?_

_._

Peter had been watching Ty as her body gave itself over to pleasure. But when Micky had followed her over the edge and become so vocal about it, Peter's attention had been diverted. He'd been engrossed. He watched the scene unfold before him, as a not so unpleasant, knot began to form in his stomach.  
He was blown away.

It was Austin all over again.  
Micky's face.  
His fucking face. He'd done that thing.  
That thing that Peter had never been able to get out of his head.  
The eyes.  
It was in his eyes.  
Sleepy. Glazed over. Liquid…..  
Just like Austin.  
But this time… he'd seen _everything_.  
He'd seen _more_.  
Much more than Austin.  
He'd been _so close_ to him.  
And he was _still_ close.  
Micky was still _so close_.  
Those eyes were only inches away.  
His eyes.  
His face.  
Him.  
His...  
...lips.

Peter looked back up into Micky's eyes. He saw something in them.  
A need?  
He felt himself involuntarily reached across and touched Micky's stomach.  
He wasn't sure exactly what happened next but suddenly Micky had closed the gap between their lips.  
He wrapped his hands behind Peter's head and began kissing him aggressively.  
Peter grabbed Micky's hips and pulled him closer. Micky rolled onto him. They kissed each other fast...in a frenzy.

There was no thought.  
No conscious.  
Only a drive…an impulse.  
A need.  
It had to happen though.  
They had to _feel_ each other.  
And they couldn't do it fast enough.  
They didn't understand it.  
There was no time to understand it.

It only lasted a few seconds.

.

Micky had lost himself. His mind had gone somewhere else. But reality suddenly returned hitting him like a freight train...What the _fuck_ was he _doing?!_  
He pulled away from Peter as if stung.  
Peter was startled and opened his eyes wide.  
Their eyes locked.  
Micky watched the realization hit Peter.

"Oh fuck." Micky said as he rolled off Peter and onto his back. He was completely stunned.

"Fuck" Peter mimicked as he sat up and faced the edge of the bed.

Micky closed his eyes trying to make the moment disappear. Then he remembered that the girls were here and looked down to see them both at the foot of the bed. They looked foreign to him.  
_Why?_  
He didn't know but he didn't want to see them. He didn't want to see them or their shocked, confused faces.  
He sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, burying his face in them.  
Why wouldn't the moment disappear?  
Why wouldn't it go away?  
Why couldn't he just teleport out of here or….better yet use quantum mechanics and time travel back to a few minutes ago...maybe a few seconds before he had decided it was a good idea to kiss Peter. That was all he wanted.  
_Wouldn't the universe allow him that?!_  
Maybe if he stayed here curled up like this he could will himself back.  
He curled himself tighter trying to make it so.

"Oh my _god_" Lin said and laughed. "I had no _idea_…..Well...maybe I had some idea…or _hoped_ I had some idea anyway….but_ fuck!_...  
...I didn't think you guys would _actually _go there!"

Micky was still trying to will himself out of the present but he glanced at Peter.  
Peter's back was to him. He was sitting at the edge of the bed hunched over with his face in his hands.

"I've gotta go" Peter said and stood.  
He buttoned his pants and pulled his shirt on quickly. Then he walked out without looking at any of them.

Micky buried his face again.

"Fuck Micky what was that?" Lin asked, still sounding amused.

He ignored her.

"That was…._really_ weird." Lin went on.

Micky stopped trying to time travel and raised his head. He moved to the edge of the bed where his clothes were and began putting them on.

"_Micky_.." Lin said in protest. "Come on." She laughed. "You don't have to leave...It was weird but it's _fine_. I don't care. You shouldn't go because of it."

Micky paused. He turned around and looked at Lin.  
He didn't know what to say to her.  
He looked at Ty. "I'm sorry." He said.

She bit her lower lip and shook her head.

He zipped his pants and quickly pulled his shirt over his head. He grabbed his shoes, not bothering to put them on and left.  
He passed Mable on the way out. She gave him a curious stare.

Yeah…that girl had to know more than she let on.


	5. Alternate Title Part 1 Chapter 5

When Peter got home he found Micky in the living room watching TV.

Peter had taken the bus up to La Piedra. He'd wanted to clear his mind. It hadn't really worked.  
He'd hoped, foolishly, that Micky would be gone when he got home….maybe out somewhere clearing his own mind.

But here he was.  
Right in the _fucking_ living room.  
There was no way to get into the house without going through the _fucking_ living room.

He took a deep breath and walked in. Micky didn't notice. That was good. He tip-toed along the wall.  
Micky looked up.

_Fuck_

He thought about just cutting through without a word and heading for the bedroom. But no, that would probably make things even _more_ awkward.  
He wasn't going to do that.  
Micky was sitting in the loveseat. Peter made his way to the furthest chair from it. It was the recliner to the right. He sat down.  
Micky didn't acknowledge him.  
Peter felt awkward.  
He feigned interest in the kung fu movie that was on.

_Micky and his kung fu._

Finally Peter took a deep breath and said "How's it going?"

Micky looked at him like he was crazy." Its going real good _Peter_."

_'Peter'..he'd called him Peter?_ He hardly ever called him Peter. Not that being called 'Peter' was bad. Everyone called him Peter. That was his name.  
But Micky _usually_ called him 'Pete'. _Almost_ always called him Pete…didn't he?

Something was wrong.  
_Really?_ Something's _wrong_?  
What could possibly be _wrong_?  
They'd just had a full on make out session not even two hours ago.  
But that couldn't be it, could it?  
Yeah..you're an idiot….'_Peter'_.

He turned his attention back to the TV. "So maybe we should cool it."

Micky glanced in his direction.

Peter continued. "You know..this thing we've been doing with the girls. I think maybe…it's causing things to surface that uh…"

He stopped and glanced at Micky.  
Micky looked extremely uncomfortable and was trying to hide it buy crossing his arms and staring at the TV.

"It just seems like it's getting out of hand." Peter said instead.

"You think?" Micky said still looking at the TV.

They sat in silence with only the sound of the high pitched flute music and badly dubbed voices from the _One-Armed Swordsman _in the background.

After a few moments Peter said "Hey Micky?"

He waited for Micky to look in his direction.

When he finally did he said "You're not a bad kisser."

He'd hoped to make light of the situation even if it didn't _feel _light.

Micky flushed.  
…but the look Micky was giving him told him that the redness in his face was _not_ something good.  
Micky was pissed.

Peter maintained eye contact for a few seconds but Micky's hateful gaze was too much. He turned back to the TV, awkwardly.  
"Sorry" he said.

He felt Micky's eyes burning into him. He couldn't take the tension. He got up and walked toward their bedroom.  
When he got to the door he turned and said "You know I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I just...I was just trying to lighten things up."

Micky ignored him.

Peter closed the door and lay on his bed.

_Man, what right did Micky have to be so pissed?  
__Micky_ was the one who had _kissed_ _him_. Peter was the one who _should_ be angry.

And then he realized that he was.  
It had been a while since he'd been angry. He always felt so even keel. Things just didn't bother him.  
No that wasn't true. Things _did_ bother him but if he meditated before allowing any negativity to take hold he found he kept himself pretty balanced.  
But now...well, he had allowed the negativity in.  
Despite his attempts to clear his mind earlier his balance had been altered and he was angry.

Had he ever even _been_ angry at Micky before? He couldn't remember a single instance.  
Irritated, annoyed maybe.  
He wasn't going to do anything of course. _But,_ if Micky was going to be such a little bitch he might just give him a piece of his mind.

Peter sighed. Man, how had this even happened anyway? Why did Micky kiss him? And why did he kiss Micky back?  
Because you're into him.  
_NO I'm __not__.  
_Then why did you get so turned on by him when you saw his eyes?  
_I didn't.  
_Yeah you did.  
_No, that was just some weird fluke_...and we're not going to talk about that.

Whatever. It was just a weird thing that happened. In the heat of the moment. Senses on overload. Close proximity. They were worked up. Micky had been worked up. He could give him the benefit of the doubt.

Ok...  
So it was just an accident then.  
Yeah. It was just something that happened. Things didn't have to be weird.

_Ok then.  
_Of course he didn't want to see much of Micky for a while. Too bad they shared a room. Maybe he'd sleep on the couch tonight. Maybe he'd sleep on the couch tomorrow too or maybe for the next few years.

He took a deep breath. He felt better. He closed his eyes and unintentionally nodded off.

* * *

Sometime later he was woken when Micky came in and began rummaging through the closet. Peter sat up and watched him. Finally Micky pulled out his running shoes. He turned to leave without even looking in Peter's direction.

_God, he must be really embarrassed_. That's why he was acting like this.  
Peter decided to throw him a bone."Hey Mick, it just happened ok..things can get intense with the girls..I get it. I'm fine. I don't really care that you kissed me."

Micky paused in the doorway digesting what he'd heard. He turned and looked at Peter incredulously. "Is that what you think happened? You think I just kissed you?"

It was Peter's turn to look incredulous "Yeah Micky I do. What do _you_ think happened?" He challenged.

"I don't really know what happened." Micky sounded exasperated. "But I know that you...that you.." Micky pointed at Peter "...you did something to me...It's not like I just kissed you..why would I do that? You made me."

Peter laughed bitterly. "That's really good Micky. _Really_ good. I _made_ you kiss me? _How_?"

"_I don't know_. You touched me...I think."

_That was right._ _He had touched him. He'd forgotten about that. Why had he done that?  
_He didn't know. But Micky had obviously taken it the wrong way. That was all there was to it.  
Yeah Peter had touched him. That didn't mean he wanted to be boyfriends.

"Yeah well you touched me too Micky. And you got pretty _fucking_ friendly didn't _you_?"

"Man _FUCK YOU!._"Micky yelled and threw one of his shoes at Peter.

Peter caught it. "_What the fuck was that?!_ You _throwing_ things at me now?!"

Micky rushed at Peter but then stopped himself. He leaned over him instead. "Look you don't know what the _fuck_ you're talking about! I didn't do anything! _You did!_"

Peter was on the verge of losing his temper. If this continued he knew he was going to sock Micky.  
He kind of wished Micky would provoke him a little more so that he could. "_Get the fuck out my face Micky!"_

Micky jerked his shoe out of Peter's hand and stormed out muttering something about Peter being an asshole.

Peter was seething. _Asshole?..._fucking Micky, he was the _asshole_. He was delusional. He was wrong. Peter hadn't done shit.  
And _here_ he'd been ready to _forgive and forget_. Well, _fuck that!_ If Micky was bent on destroying their friendship over a lie he was telling himself...well _fine!  
__Fuck Micky!_ He didn't need him.

There were plenty of people he could hang with. Mike was cool, Davy was cool. And it had been a while since they'd hung out outside of practice.  
Maybe he'd just see what they were up to.  
They could go out.  
Yeah he needed to go out.  
He needed to get his mind off of all this negative shit.

He got up and walked into the living room. Davy was on the couch watching a western that had come on after the kung fu movie.

Peter sat in the recliner. "Hey man what's up?"

"Not much."

"You got plans tonight?"

Davy turned. "Oh yeah, Olivia's on her way over. We're goin' out for ice cream." He wiggled his eyebrows up and down indicating that ice cream would not be the main event of the evening.

"Oh, ok...well, have you seen Mike?"

"No I think he's still at Chris's with Chip workin' on the amp."

"Still?" That's what he had been doing when Peter had left to go over to Ty's...almost 4 hours ago.

Davy shrugged. "Yeah I don't know...  
Hey you seen this one?" He asked pointing at the screen. "It's got Paul Newman in it. They're goin' to rob that stagecoach."

"Oh wow." Peter said dully.

Davy and his westerns.  
Micky and kung fu.  
Mike liked weird psychedelic artsy type films.  
Sometimes Peter got into those but typically he didn't like to watch TV.  
It gave him a headache.

_Man he couldn't watch this._

He decided to go to _Vincent Van __Go-Go's _ and see if anything was going on there.  
Maybe he'd run into Mike and Chip. _No way_ were they still working on the converter.  
They'd probably gone out for a beer.

Well, Mike had the car and he couldn't take Micky's motorcycle  
...especially now.  
_Van Go-Go's_ was about a mile down the road.  
He'd walk.

He'd gone a few blocks when he spotted Micky jogging down the opposite side of the street.  
_Fuck._ That's right. Micky was out running.  
Hopefully he wouldn't see him. Peter was in no mood for another nasty confrontation.  
It was starting to get a dark. Peter stepped back and tried to blend into the shadows from the trees along the sidewalk.  
Maybe if he didn't move Micky would run by and not even notice him.

But of course that wasn't meant to be. Micky decided to take a breather directly across the street from where Peter was hiding. Peter stepped back further into the shadows and cursed him under his breath.  
Micky was bent over with his hands on his knees. After a minute he stood back up and stretched.  
That was when he spotted Peter. He stared at him for a few seconds looking uncertain. Then he shook his head, flipped him off and started his run again.

Peter came out of the shadows.  
_Great_ I probably seem like some sort of psycho creeper or something.

He began walking but his thoughts had become negative again.  
And the anger was taking hold again.  
He started to run.  
It seemed to help.

When he got to _Van Go-Go's_, not only were Mike and Chip _not there_, but neither was anyone else. It was just Cindy and Fred, who ran the bar, and a few random people Peter had never seen.  
Well, he'd come this far. He might as well hang out for a bit. Besides, what else was he going to do? He sat at the bar and ordered a drink.

"You here alone sweetheart?" Cindy asked.

"Yeah I guess."

"Where are your friends?"

"Out, busy, I don't know."

Cindy smiled. "Well I'll keep you company."

They chatted it up for a while...mostly small talk..babble that usually annoyed the shit out of him. But right now it was a distraction that he needed. He ordered a few more drinks..and then a few more. He soon realized that he was drunk.

It started to get late.  
He remembered that he had a long walk home  
...funny how it seemed so much farther now that it was dark and he was trashed.  
He tipped Cindy handsomely and left.

It was a long walk indeed and by the time he got home it was almost midnight. He should probably call Ty.  
Yeah but what would he say to her?

_Hey babe, don't worry I'm not really a fag. I just play one on TV._

He started laughing. That probably wouldn't go over well. No he'd better not call. He was too drunk. No telling what he would end up saying.  
In fact he probably shouldn't talk to anyone. Not even Mike or Davy. He should just go to bed and forget this day ever happened.

* * *

Micky had spent a good portion of the evening getting drunk as well. He was _so_ pissed at Peter.

_What the fuck_ had he been doing on that street anyway? Hiding behind the trees. Pretty fucking creepy.

When he'd gotten back from his run, Davy was getting picked up by his current skirt. Micky caught a ride with them. They dropped him off at the liquor store. He bought a 5th of whisky and sipped on it as he walked back toward the pad. He took the long way, going down to shore.  
He stopped about half a mile away and perched up on a boulder that was only exposed when the tide was out.  
It was a nice night. The moon was full. The ocean was calming. He felt himself relaxing.

He'd been so angry at Pete. He still was, although the alcohol was numbing that down a bit.  
They'd gotten in arguments before. Petty things. Not even real arguments really. More like disagreements.

He'd never felt so angry. He'd never felt hatred towards Peter before.  
He didn't know what to make of that.  
He felt awful.

Peter was his best friend.  
But Peter had to go and accuse him of...of...well, he did want to go there again. Not now. He'd sort that out later.

Well maybe they could fix this. If Peter would just admit guilt for what had happened, Micky didn't see why they couldn't put this behind them.

He lay on his back and stared into space. Slowly he drifted off losing his grip on the bottle. It fell and broke on the rocks but he didn't notice. He'd passed out.

.

A couple hours later Micky was awakened by a cold pulling sensation. He slowly opened his eyes and was surprised to find himself looking at the night sky. His back hurt and he felt disoriented. The cold sensation was still there but now it was pushing. Then he realized where he was. He looked down and saw that the lower half of his body was underwater. The tide was coming in.

_Fuck...stupid_...how stupid was _he?!_

He'd passed out on a rock that was underwater 16 hours of the day!  
What a great _fucking_ idea!  
And he'd been so gone that the water had gotten all the way up to his belly before he even woke up. He was lucky he hadn't drowned.

He got up feeling shaky, still drunk. He looked around. Yep everything was under water. He was on a little island here. And it was shrinking.  
The shore was about 80 feet or so away. He was going to have to swim.  
He waited for the wave to recede before jumping in. He began making his way towards the shore, swimming with all his might.  
He was a good swimmer but waves kept coming in and going over his head slowing his progress.  
He felt clumsy.  
He'd gotten about 30 feet when a big wave knocked into him. It pushed him forward a ways. Micky tried to get to his bearings but he was knocked back over and pulled under when the wave came back out.  
He panicked for a second thinking that he was caught in an undertow. He was disoriented and dizzy but he finally got his feet under him and stood.  
He discovered that the water was only up to his knees. He wasted no time. He started to run. He ran until he was safely on the dry sand.

Once in the clear he turned around. The boulder he had been sleeping on was now under water.  
He sat down to catch his breath.

_Man_…that could have been _bad_. He began shaking. He didn't know if it because he was cold and drenched or if it was because he was freaked out by what could have been.  
He slowly got up. He realized that he had lost a shoe. The ocean had likely claimed it. He began making his way back to the pad.

It was a long walk. He was still shaking. He was still drunk. He kept cutting his foot on shells.  
When he finally got to the pad he stumbled up the stair to the deck and let himself in. The house was dark. Everyone was sleeping.  
He was soaking wet but before he changed he had to eat. He hadn't eaten since Mable's pie. He quietly made himself a sandwich and took it with him to the bedroom.  
Peter was sound asleep. He looked peaceful. Micky thought it was strange that no matter what was going on in someone's life, they usually looked peaceful when they slept.

_Fuck_, he was tired. His back hurt and so did his brain. He was in for a nice hangover tomorrow. He quickly changed and ate his sandwich.  
Maybe sleep would do him some good. Clear the bad feelings.  
He hoped.

He lay down and drifted off a few minutes later.

* * *

The next morning Peter woke with a hangover of his own. His head was pounding. Had he really gotten _that_ drunk? He rolled over and saw Micky asleep in his bed. When had he come home? Had he been there the whole time?

Peter had meant to sleep on the couch.  
_Oh well._ Nothing he could do about that now.  
At least he had been asleep when Micky had come in.  
And at least Micky was asleep now. He'd better get up if he wanted to avoid any drama.  
He stood up quietly, grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt. He would change in the bathroom.

He was on his way out when he tripped over Micky's running shoes.  
Damn it! Those things were _really_ becoming a nuisance! He caught himself on the bookshelf but knocked a stack of books off in the process.

So much for being quiet.

Micky woke up. But he looked out of it.  
Peter could still slip out.

"Pete?..You alright?"

_Well that sounded nice enough._ "Yeah...I just tripped. Sorry to wake you."

"Hey..no its fine." He said and closed his eyes. He was going back to sleep.

Peter began picking up the books when Micky said "Hey Pete….I think I might have drowned last night."

_Yeah he was out of._ "What?"

Micky rubbed his eyes. "No ….that's not what I meant..I didn't drown...I almost did…..or, well...I could have."

_Ok, maybe he wasn't out of it.  
_"Why, what happened?"

"Nothing really...I just….well you know that boulder behind Millie's place...the one that's only visible when the tide is out?"

"Yeah"

"I fell asleep on it."

"When the tide was out?"

Micky opened his eyes lazily and started laughing. "No...while it was under water...I have gills you know."

"Oh, right." Peter felt like an idiot. Oh well, it was early. His brain wasn't operating at full capacity yet.

Micky rolled over to face him. "I got drunk...I drank most of a 5th and passed out on the rock. The tide woke me up. I was half way underwater"

"Fuck Micky."

"Yeah I know" He sighed and rolled on to his back. "I could have drown and the tide would have washed me away...you guys never would have known what happened to me."

That hit Peter hard. He sat back down on his bed.  
_Fuck..what if that had happened?_ What if the last thing he'd said to Micky was '_get the fuck out of my face_'?

Micky sighed loudly. "I feel like shit."

Peter also felt like shit. And now he was feeling emotional.

"Hey Pete?"

"Huh?"

"What were you doing last night when I was running?"

"I was just going down to _Van Go-Go's_."

"Oh, ...Hey Pete"

"Yeah?"

"You know you're wrong about me. You don't know how things really went yesterday."

_Goddammit_, he thought they were moving past that. He should have left when he had the chance.  
"Micky, it a little early to get into this."

"Yeah? What time is it?"

That was a good question actually. He looked at his alarm clock. It was a quarter 'til noon. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah but we got in this huge thing because you think that I...well, you accused me."

"Fuck Micky I didn't accuse you! I was trying to say everything was fine. I know that things get...that things can happen when we are all together. That's the nature of swinging."

"So are you apologizing?"

"For what?!"

"For accusing me."

"Accusing you of what? Kissing me?..No I'm not, Micky..You _did_ kiss me!"

Micky sighed loudly again and closed his eyes. He opened them after a few moments and Peter thought he saw tears. But he wasn't sure.  
"Look man, I don't want this to fuck us up..okay?" Micky looked at him.  
_Yep..tears._

"Alright..I don't either." Peter felt his own eyes welling up. He looked away quickly and wiped them. He cleared his throat. "Look I remember things one way, you remember them another way. And that's fine. I'm not going to hold what I remember against you if you won't hold what you remember against me."

It seemed logical.

Micky nodded but Peter saw something in his eyes that told him it wasn't going to be that easy.

"Ok, well I'm really glad you're alive." Peter stood and quickly made his exit.

* * *

Man, the shower was nice...he'd felt so caustic. Drinking heavily always made him feel like that.

He was playing their conversation over in his mind. It had seemed like things were cool. Or they would be…but he wasn't sure.  
Micky was hung up on the accusation thing. Trying to place blame.  
But did it really matter?  
It wasn't even a big deal….really. It wasn't like they had fucked or something. A kiss? Why were they so worked up over a kiss?  
Well he wasn't worked up. It was Micky who was.

Man but it had been so _weird_ when Micky kissed him.

_Had it?  
_

Yeah of course..it had been so unexpected.

_Unexpected? Are you sure?  
_

Yeah…

_But you went with it.  
_

Yeah I did.

_Why?_

Fuck…that was a good question.

_Because you wanted it to happen._

No I didn't.

_Yeah you did. _Remember his_ eyes?_

I thought I said shut the fuck up about that!

Besides that didn't have anything to do with it. _Micky_ had kissed _him_.  
He'd felt Micky's tongue in his mouth sliding around. Then Micky had rolled on top of him and Peter had grabbed his hips. He'd felt Micky's hip bones.  
Then Micky had slid his hand down between Peter's legs while Peter grabbed his ass and pulled it into him...

_FUCK...WHAT THE FUCK_?...that hadn't happened!

Peter jerked his eyes opened and realized that he was still in the shower.  
_No...no-no no -no no!_ He felt flushed.  
No, it was just the hot water.  
He turned it off and quickly got out of the shower.

What the fuck was that? _A fantasy?_  
No, he was just under stress. It was nothing.

He dressed and went into the kitchen.

Okay he needed to talk to Ty.  
Actually he needed to see her.  
She would help him sort all this shit out. Get his balance back. She was really good at that.

The phone rang three times before Mable answered.  
Good ol' Mable; answering service, doorman, cook.

"Yeah Ty's here I think..._HEY TIE?!_...wait, hold on a second."

Peter heard muffled talking and then Ty answered.  
"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey Peter!...is everything _ok_?"

"Yeah...it's fine." He sighed.

"Good...so what happened yesterday?"

Silence

"Peter?"

"I dunno...look, I need to see you. Are you busy?"

"Yeah I'm getting around for work. I swapped Ruby yesterday for today. I'm closing."

"Oh..Yeah that's right...I forgot…._shit._"

"What about tomorrow? I work at 7 but before that I'm free."

"Yeah ok."

"You sure you're ok?"

"I….I don't know Ty. I think…..I just feel fucked up."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know….Micky and I got into it. I think everything is ok but….but I don't know. My head is spinning. And I got trashed last night. I feel like shit."

"Oh…I'm sorry Peter. What did you guys fight about?"

"What do you think?"

"Right."

"Hey Ty…we can't do this thing anymore. With Lin and Micky."

"…Ok." She said after a few seconds.

"I just think maybe...maybe things are getting too close...too comfortable...I don't know."

"Yeah, it's ok. I get it"

"Cool...can you let Lin know?"

"Sure."

"Thanks."

"Yeah….look Peter I have to get around for work….I'm sorry….um.."

"Oh no, of course…sorry. I'll give you a call tomorrow then."

"Ok. I love you."

"You too." He hung up the phone. He felt empty.

* * *

Micky wanted to go back to sleep but he couldn't. He felt out of sorts. The drowning thing gave him a weird feeling in his stomach.  
And Peter...he didn't know what to do about Peter. He wanted to fix things but he really didn't want to be around him.  
Everything had turned sour.

What the hell was he was going to do today? Honestly he didn't feel like doing shit. But he also didn't want to _not_ do anything.  
Maybe he'd go on a walk...no, that hadn't gone well last night.  
Maybe he'd take his bike out on Sweetwater?  
Maybe...well, maybe later...or not.

He sighed. He should probably call Lin.  
No..he wasn't in the mood to talk to her. She would probably make him feel worse. That was one thing he could count on. She would give him all kinds of shit about yesterday. He couldn't deal with that right now.  
Still, he needed to talk to her. At least to let her know that they were calling it quits on the 'swinger parties'.  
But, he'd do it later…or not.

God, how indecisive was he? Well he'd better do something quick. Maybe a song and dance? Or maybe he'd just go back to sleep.

* * *

Peter wondered around the house. Mike and Davy were gone. He'd found a note on the fridge that said they'd gone with Chip and the Gina and a couple of her friends up to the Santa Monica Mountains.  
Man, he wished he could have gone.

He sat down and picked up his bass. Usually he could get lost for hours playing it but right now he felt unsettled. He picked at it for a bit and put it down.  
Man he needed to do something. The problem was he just didn't feel like doing anything. Fucking apathy.

Well maybe he'd see if Micky was awake... maybe they could jam or something. Something that didn't involve too much communication.  
He walked to the bedroom and found Micky lying in bed awake.

"Hey man."

"Hey."

"You going to sleep all day?"

"Maybe."

"You want to do something?"

Micky sighed. "Yeah."

"I've been messing around with that new song. We could work on it?"

Micky slowly sat up. He pushed the blankets off him and swung his feet over the bed.

Peter watched as he stood up and grabbed a pair of pants off the floor.  
God Micky was scrawny...but he did have toned abs. And glutes. He could see the swell right above the waistline of his boxers. Now that he thought about it Micky had a nice tight little-  
_-OH MY GOD!_ What _were you about to SAY, Peter?!_ Where you about to say _ASS?!  
_NO!  
What was he doing looking at Micky's ass anyway?!...and what if Micky caught him looking?

Peter walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Micky came out shortly. "Ok, I gotta eat first though."

Peter picked up his bass and began warming up while Micky ate. Then he started playing the new song. Micky came in and sat behind his drums...but he didn't play.  
When Peter got to the part they were still working on, he stopped and looked at Micky.

"What do you think? Do we loop it? Or do you want to change it up and make that part the bridge?"

He played the last few riffs again.  
When he looked up at Micky again he saw a strange look on his face. He knew the look. It was the look that old girlfriends and the chicks on tour gave him when they watched him play.  
What was the look? Admiration?...yeah, but there was more to it.  
Lust?...maybe.  
All he knew was it usually meant they wanted him.

And he was getting the look from Micky?  
_Don't be silly Pete. _He was just seeing things. Just projecting.

He almost laughed out loud at himself.  
He smiled at Micky instead.

Micky's expression broke. He quickly looked away, flustered.  
"You know man...actually I 'm not into this right now." He got up. "Sorry, I think I'm going to go out."  
He grabbed his bike keys off the hook in the kitchen and headed down the hall toward to the carport.

Peter sighed. _Ok, what was that about_? Maybe he _hadn't_ just been seeing things.

Fuck it..whatever. Peter started the song again.


	6. Alternate Title Part 1 Chapter 6

So, he'd taken his bike out after all.

_Ok then._

It was so weird. He had suddenly just wanted to leave. To get the fuck out of there. Peter had creeped him out.  
He'd been playing and...and well, he sounded really good.

_Man he always sounds good. Why is that creepy?  
_It's not. It was just a vibe or something.

It was like he'd been flaunting himself somehow.  
Making Micky watch him.

What a show off. He probably thought he looked all bad ass chewing on his lip while he played.._pretending_ he was deep in concentration.  
He couldn't fool Micky though.  
Micky was on to him.

Oh, and then that thing where his hair was hanging in his eyes._  
How could he even see what he was playing?_

_...Why was he dwelling on this?_  
Here he was in the hills. A beautiful view of the town on his right and the ocean on his left. No traffic, the wind in his face. He should be enjoying himself.

He sincerely tried to shut everything out but a mile later he found himself thinking about how full of shit Peter was.

'_Yeah I remember things one was and you remember them another way.' _

Well that's great Pete...except the way you remember them is _wrong._

He was going to drive himself mad.

What he needed was to be around people.  
Yeah maybe being alone with his thoughts wasn't a good idea.  
Actually, it was usually never a good idea. Not for him. He tried to avoid over thinking things...unless of course it was philosophical. But if it wasn't he tended to get himself in trouble. To create problems that didn't exist.

Ok, so where should he go?

Well he didn't know where Mike and Davy where. He wasn't going to go see Lin.  
Ty was working, maybe he'd go by _Neptune's_ and have a drink.

_Yeah...like he needed to drink again._

Still he could see Ty. She always knew what to say….how to help.  
She listened.

He turned around and headed back into town.

.

He pulled up to _Neptune's _and parked next to Ty's car. Old Man Jim was out smoking a cigarette. Micky was in no mood to talk to him. He was a slime ball.  
Ty often complained about what a pervert he was. How he would grab her ass or corner her in the walk-in. Or how he tried to get her drunk after work so she would have sex with him.

Peter wasn't a fighter but had wanted to kick Jim's ass on many occasions. Ty always intervened. _'I can handle it. You want to get me fired?'_  
Jim was the boss and Ty made decent money at _Neptune's_. Besides, at least she didn't work at _Ella's _anymore.

_Well one day that fucker would get what was coming to him. _

"Hey Mick." Jim hollered.

_Fuck.  
_"Hey Jim." Micky said back without enthusiasm.

"You here for some tail?" Somehow Jim had caught wind of what the four of them did in their spare time.  
Micky had a feeling he'd overheard them talking on the phone. He probably listened in to all of Ty's conversation. But that was just a suspicion.

"No I'm just here for a drink."

"Yeah a drink and some tail." He flashed a toothy smile.

Micky ignored him and went in. He sat down at the bar.  
The place was dead.  
Well it was early.

Ty came out of the back. "Micky!" She was surprised to see him. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing. I just kind of felt like a drink."

"Umm...kind of early isn't it?

He didn't say anything.

"Ok, straight Jack on ice?"

"Sure."

"So how you doing?" Ty asked as she pulled out a glass for Micky's drink.

Micky sighed and shook his head. "I don't know."

Ty poured his drink and sat it in front of him. "You know it's not really a big deal Mick."

He looked into his drink and saw his reflection. "Ty…I don't really want to talk about that right now."

"Ok."

"So yesterday was pretty wild."

"Didn't you just say that you didn't want to talk about it?"

"Yeah, I'm not talking about that. I meant before."

"Oh." Her face brightened. "Yeah, that was wild. She gave him a coy smile. You almost got us in some trouble."

"Me? No, that was all you Ty."

She laughed. "Yeah, maybe so.

He smiled. His mood was beginning to lighten.

God, he loved this girl. She was so…_perfect_.  
She was perfect for him.  
He wanted her.

Then he remembered…he couldn't have her. Not anymore. They'd called it quits. His smile slowly faded.  
"Ty?"

"What's up?"

Micky looked into his glass again. "We're done swinging."

Her smile faded as well. "Yeah, Peter told me."

They shared a look of regret.

After a few seconds Ty busied herself by filling the peanut dishes. "You know Micky, it's probably a good thing. I mean things can get complicated. They can escalate. Relationships can get broken. It a good thing we're calling it off now before anyone gets hurt."

"Gets hurt?"

She stopped what she was doing and looked at him. "Yeah, you know, feelings develop. Maybe they get hard to ignore. We could have really hurt them, Micky."

He knew what she was getting at. She loved him. He'd had a feeling that she did.  
Man, why did things have to be like this? Why did Peter get to have her?  
He quickly downed the shot she'd poured him. "Can I get another?"

She gave him the evil eye but obliged.  
He downed it too.

"Jeez Micky what are you doing?"

"What?"

"You keep drinking like that you'll be sleeping it off for a week."

"Yeah, you should have seen me yesterday."

She raised her eyebrows waiting for him to explain.

He decided it was probably best to leave out the near drowning part.  
"Oh...I just drank most of a 5th and passed out on the beach. Can I have another?"

"Another?"

"I'll drink it slow."

"I don't think so Micky."

"Why, I'm paying..I'm not drunk. You have to give me one."

She eyed him for a few seconds. "Ok...well you're not getting liquor though. I'll get you a beer..a light one."

"Fine." He'd only had 2 shots but they were going straight to his head.  
Lucky he had Ty here to police his intake.  
"So how's Lin?"

"Fine, why?"

"No reason, I just wanted to call her but, you know, I didn't really want to call her."

"Well you should probably call her."

"No, I don't want to."

"Why?"

"I don't know…it's just that yesterday…Well, I don't really want to get into it with her."

"Oh right..I'm sure everything is fine. I really don't think she's upset."

"Yeah, that's not what I'm worried about. You know how she is...she'll give me shit about it forever."

"Ah...yeah maybe…..you want me to talk to her?"

"No."

"Well if you avoid her things are going to be awkward."

"Yeah, I know."

Jim had come up behind Ty. He slapped her ass. "Hey sweetheart, we just got a ten top. Shirley's the only one here right now and she's freaking out. She's still having trouble remembering the menu. Can you help her out?"

"Yeah I _can_…but why can't you?"

"Ah come on, be a good girl. I'll watch the bar for you."

Ty rolled her eyes but walked around the counter and grabbed her notepad and pen. She rubbed Micky on the shoulder as she passed him

"She's such a good girl." Jim said sounding sleazier than ever. "Don't you think?"

Micky ignored him.

"You need another drink?"

Micky picked up the beer Ty had given him. It was almost gone. He glanced in Ty's direction. She was already busy with the table.  
"Yeah sure, can I get a few shots of whisky?"

Jim laughed. "Of course. Big drinker, reminds me of myself."

Micky cringed at the comparison.  
He chased the first shot with the remainder of his beer and the second straight. He set the other to the side. He'd better hold off. Things were starting to spin.

Then Jim said "So you know I hear things. I hear about how you guys carry on. Sounds like you have a pretty smooth operation going."

"What?"

"You know 'operation.'" Jim made an 'O' shape with his hand and slid his fingers in and out of it. "I've heard things. You guys have open enrollment?"

Ugh, Micky was going to be sick….and not from the alcohol.  
He decided to drink that last shot after all.

Jim watched him down it and immediately filled his glass again. "So?"

Micky looked at the glass. "What?"

"Why don't you tell me what you guys have going on."

"Man…that's fucking personal."

"Do you know how long I've been trying to get in that ass of hers? I'm just wondering how you did it. That's all."

Micky felt shaky. What was this guy doing? Was he trying to start shit? He couldn't talk about Ty like that. He took a deep breath. He needed to stay cool.  
"You do realize she's dating my best friend, right?"

"Psh yeah, whatever, that hippie faggot?"

Micky felt his face flush. He clenched his teeth. He was mentally preparing himself to do battle when Ty came back to the bar.

"So the ten top left." She said.

"Left?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"We don't have carrot cake."

"What?"

"It was some guy's birthday and he wanted carrot cake. I told him we didn't have any so they left. Said something about going to _Mahoney's_. It's funny, you know, I don't think they have carrot cake either." She laughed.  
Then Ty spotted the empty shot glasses and the full one that Jim had refilled.  
"Fuck Micky, really?...Jim, he's cut off ok?"

"Whatever." Jim said and left.

"What are you doing Micky?"

"What?" He sounded more defensive than he intended.

"It's 3 o'clock..you're drunk."

"I don't know. I just wanted to drink."

He was starting to slur. He needed to correct that.

Ty sighed. She reached for the glass that was still full. But Micky beat her to it. He quickly drank it before she could get it from him. He handed her the empty glass.

She looked mad. "How many is that Micky?"

He looked down. The alcohol was catching up. His thought process was beginning to slow. "I don't know."

"You don't?"

He closed his eyes in an attempt to concentrate. "Seven I think."

"Fuck! You've only been here for half an hour. Are you trying to kill yourself?!"

He dropped his head into his hands. No. This wasn't right. _His angel was yelling at him?_ Why was she yelling? He couldn't take it.

"God Micky." Her voice softened. "Is this really that upsetting?"

He looked up. "Is what upsetting?"

"This thing with Peter."

"Ty, I don't want to talk about that." He sounded whiny.

Ty looked irritated. "Alright fine. Well look, you can't drive for at a _least_ a few hours. Give me your keys."

It was Micky's turn to look irritated. "Come on, I'm not gonna do anything stupid."

"I don't care. I want your keys."

He reluctantly handed them over.

Ty hung them on the pegboard behind the bar. "You hungry?"

"No."

"Well I'm going to have Dave make you something anyway."  
She left and went into the kitchen.  
When she came back she poured a cup of coffee and set it in front of him.  
"Drink it."

"Can I at least have some cream?"

She grabbed the creamer and slammed it down next to his coffee. "Anything else?"

He shook his head. Ty went to the end of the bar and began rolling silverware into napkins.

Micky watched her for a few minutes. He wished he hadn't upset her…._His beautiful angel_.  
"Hey Ty…."

Ty looked up.

"Why are you with Peter?"

She stopped rolling the napkins and walked back over to him.

"What do you mean Micky?"

He looked down into his coffee cup. "Why aren't you with me?"

When he looked back up at her she looked sad. "Don't Micky. Don't do this. I can't…we can't get into this right now."

"I know that you love me." He looked defiant.

She nodded her head slowly but didn't say anything.

He exhaled loudly. "I love you too. We should be together."

"Micky come on. You're drunk. Ok, and right now you mad at Peter. You're not yourself."

"No I am, though. I feel _more_ like myself when I'm with you. I love you. You're my angel."

"And what about Lin?, huh? What about Peter? I'm not going to hurt him. I love him."

"No, you love me."

"Maybe, maybe I do but that doesn't mean anything. I'm not going to destroy a relationship that I have spent the last three years investing in."

"But Peter's an asshole. He doesn't deserve you."

"Peter is not an asshole."

"Then why does he fuck around on you?"

"Micky we are _not_ getting into that here!"

"I would never do that."

"Please stop."

"And he lies. He's full of shit."

"Micky what are you _talking_ about?"

"He's a liar! He's accusing me of things."

"What things?"

Micky didn't answer.

"Micky, Peter may be a lot of things, but he's not a liar."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know him."

"Yeah well I thought I knew him too."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Micky looked away. He began stirring his coffee. "I don't know….Why did he make me kiss him?" He asked in a low tone.

"Make you?"

Micky looked up. "Yeah."

Ty shook her head. "He didn't."

"Yeah he did."

"Micky I was there. He didn't make you do anything."

_What was this_? Now Ty was accusing him too? How could she?  
He felt tears starting to sting his eyes.  
"How can you say that?"

"Because it's true!"

_"NO! No! it's NOT!"_

"_Micky?!"_

He stood up. "What do I owe?"

"What?...No! You're not leaving."

"Yes I am!"

"I'm not giving you your keys."

"I don't need my keys. I'll walk!"

"What? Come on Micky. That's like eight miles."

"I'm not going to let you accuse me too."

"I'm not accusing you!"

"What would you call it then?"

"Fuck Micky!" Ty was getting exasperated. "If anyone is accusing anyone of anything, it's you!"

"What do I owe?" Micky asked again.

"Look, just hang out until I can go on break. I'll drive you home."

Micky was shaking his head. He reached in his back pocket for his wallet and dropped it. When he stooped to pick it up he lost his balance and suddenly found himself on the floor. Ty came around the bar to help him up.

"Look you need to hang out. Just for a little while, ok?" She said in a soft voice.  
She helped him back onto his stool.

That was when Dave brought his food out. It actually smelled pretty good.

"Alright." Micky said hesitantly. "Just a little while."

He ate slowly, refusing to look at Ty. She had busied herself cleaning and rolling silverware.  
20 minutes later Micky was picking at his food. He was getting tired and he was having trouble sitting straight in his chair.  
The room felt like it was tilting. Gravity kept trying to claim him.

Jim came over to chat it up. His table had left and there was no one in the pub. "Hey Mick you look a little trashed."

_Mick_? Had he really just called him that? 'Mick' was reserved for friends not perverted old assholes.  
"You can't call me that." He slurred. My friends call me that. You're not my friend."

"What?" Jim laughed. "Sure I'm your friend."

"No you're not..you're a real dick."

Jims face started turning red. "Hey babe what he on about?" He asked Ty.

Before Ty could say anything Micky spoke loudly. "And don't call her babe. She's not your babe. And stop _touching_ her! She's never going to fuck you, you _SICK OLD FUCK!"_

"_Micky?_" Ty said in alarm.

"Hey buddy this is my restaurant. I'll do and say what I want here." And to prove his point he slapped Ty's ass.

Before Micky even thought things through, he was lunging across the bar. He tried to plant his fist in Jim's jaw.  
He missed.  
He tried again before Jim could react and barely made contact.  
As Micky attempted a third strike, Jim grabbed the back of his head and slammed it forward onto the bar. While he was slumped over Jim jumped over the counter and grabbed him by the back of his collar. He lifted him up and turned him around to face him. Micky lunged at him, trying to knock him down. Jim easily side stepped and Micky fell face first on the floor. He quickly rolled on his back only to be met by an elbow to his temple. Micky grabbed his head while Jim planted another elbow to his jaw busting open his lip.

_"YOU WANT TO MESS WITH ME?! YOU WANT TO MESS WITH A VET?!_" Jim yelled.

Ty was now behind Jim pulling at his arm and yelling for him to leave Micky alone. She got down between them just as Jim was about to strike again.

"_STOP!_" She yelled. "_JUST STOP!_ "

Jim stopped and stood. "Fucking punk thinks he can attack me in my own goddam restaurant!" He gave Micky a kick to the hip before storming off.

Ty leaned over Micky. He was covering his face with his hands. She pulled them away to see the damage. His lip was split and it looked like he was going to have a black eye.  
Could have been worse.

"Micky, are you ok?!…what were you thinking?"

He groaned and brought his hands to his head. "That asshole. That fucking asshole hit me!"

"Yeah, well you kind of picked a fight, didn't you?"

"No I didn't. You don't know the things he was saying. Fuck him! I'm going to kick his ass!  
He sat up and looked around frantically trying to spot Jim. Ty put her hands firmly on his shoulders to keep him from standing.

"No you're not. You're drunk. You can't take him on."

Micky glared at her.

"Look, I'll see if I can take my break early and take you home." She helped Micky to his feet. "Stay here ok?"

Micky watched her as she went out to the patio. He could see her through the glass door. Jim came into view. They seemed to be arguing. Ty threw her hands up before turning around to come back inside.

"He wants you out." She said as she approached him. "But he won't let me take you home." She rolled her eyes. "I'll see if one of the guys can come get you."  
She went behind the bar and picked up the phone. "Why don't you wait out front."

"What about my burger?"

"I'll box it up and bring it out to you. And I'll take care of your tab too.

Micky grudgingly stood up. He was angry but now he suddenly felt sad too.  
He gave Ty a defeated look and quickly turned and stumbled out of the door.

When he got outside he collapsed against the wall.  
He felt worthless, misunderstood, ashamed.  
God he was drunk.

With those thoughts drifting through his head he passed out against the wall.

* * *

Peter was driving himself crazy. He had kept playing that song over and over. There was something he was missing. The fucking bridge just wasn't working. It would have been nice to have Micky on drums so that he could hear the timing.

The phone rang. Ah, good a distraction to relive his insanity. He walked into the kitchen and picked up the phone.

"Hey Pete, it's Ty."

"Hey, how you doing? You still at work?"

"Uh yeah..listen I need you to come get Micky."

"What? Micky's there?"

"Yeah.. um..he's drunk..and he got kicked out."

"What?..What do you mean he got kicked out for being drunk?"

"No...he picked a fight with Jim."

"He picked a fight..really?"

"Yeah."

"Wow that's…..I wish I'd been there."

"No you don't."

"Did he fuck him up?"

"No actually he didn't but he's got a split lip and what I'm pretty sure is going to be a black eye."

"Who Jim?"

"No Micky."

"Oh, Jim hit him?"

"Yeah of course he did. They were fighting."

"That asshole, I should kick his ass or something. I hate that guy."

"Yeah I know everybody hates him and he _should_ get his ass kicked but not by _you_."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you're not a fighter."

"So?"

"So, he's a veteran. He doesn't mess around."

"Well I don't either."

"Peter, just cut it out. I don't want you starting anything. I'm already on thin ice for what Micky did."

"Yeah well I'm sure good ol' Jim will let you off the hook if you sleep with him."

The line got quiet. Then a few seconds later "Fuck you Peter" Ty said in a cold voice.

"Well?"

"Look, just come get Micky, ok?"

"Fine."

With that Ty hung up.

.

Great. He'd just pissed off Ty.  
_Wow you're a real winner with people lately, aren't you Pete?_

Well whatever at least he wouldn't drive himself crazy with that song anymore.

He grabbed the spare keys and went out to the carport. Thank god Mike and Davy had ridden with Chip instead of taking the car up to the mountains. Otherwise Micky would be shit-out-of-luck.  
He started the car and headed towards town.

Man he really wished he had been there to see Micky stand up to Jim.  
Micky of all people. Micky never did things like that. Sure he talked big but he never took action.  
Actually, that was a little worrisome. What had prompted him to take on Jim?  
Things were fucked and Micky was certainly edgy but this might be getting out of hand.  
Picking a fight, drinking in the middle of the day, almost drowning?  
He needed to get his shit together. It wasn't like Peter was doing anything crazy.

_Yeah but Micky's emotional. He's more sensitive...  
__He's...unstable?_

Maybe.  
Well they needed to have a talk.

Peter pulled up and spotted Micky sitting against the wall. He rolled down the window. "Hey Mick."

He got no answer.  
Micky was passed out.

_Shit. _

He turned off the car and got out. He walked over to Micky. He was a mess. His eye was puffy, his lip had dried blood on it. He stunk like a distillery.  
Peter stooped down. "Hey Mick." He said and gently shook him.

Micky lazily opened his eyes. "Hey Pete."

"Come on, let's go." Peter got his arm under Micky's shoulder and helped him up. Micky was stumbling all over the place. Peter had to hold on to him to keep him from falling.  
He pinned him against the car so that he could get the door opened.

Micky grinned. "See I knew it was all you. Look your trying to seduce me right now aren't you?"

"You're drunk Micky. You don't know what you're talking about." Peter said quietly.

"Yeah I've heard that a lot lately." He slurred and pitched forward.

Peter caught him around the ribs. Micky grabbed Peter's waistband for support. He didn't let go.

He started thumbing Peter's buckle and tucked his fingers further inside the waistband.  
He gave Peter a deviant look.  
A look that made Peter feel unsettled and also left a knot in his stomach.  
A knot that quickly made its way down to his nether regions.

_What was he doing?_ He watched as Micky's glazed eyes swept over him and then came to a rest on his lips.

Peter was in a trance. His own eyes drifted down to Micky's mouth.

Micky looked back up at him under half closed lids and laughed. The deviant look vanished.  
"God you're such a fag."

The words hit Peter and brought him out of his trance. He shook his head in disgust and opened the car door. He shoved Micky inside and slammed it. "Asshole."  
He started walking towards the bar.

He was pissed. He felt shaky. _What right did Micky have to call him a fag?_

He'd been fucking with him, that fucking bastard.  
The scary thing was he'd known just how to play him and the even scarier thing was that he'd succeeded in getting Peter a little hot and bothered.

_Really? Had he really been hot and bothered?_

Yeah he had, ok? He had. He wasn't going to lie to himself.

_Fuck._

Yeah, Fuck.

.

When he got inside he spotted Ty behind the bar. She gave him a nod but didn't look terribly happy to see him.  
_Well what did he expect?_ He'd more or less accused her of whoring herself to her boss.

"Hey." He said when he got up to the bar.

"Hey." She said coldly.

"So I got Micky in the car."

"Good." She handed Peter a paper bag. "This is his leftovers..burger and fries."

Peter took it. "So what was the fight over anyway?"

Ty shook her head. "I don't know...well, I mean technically it was about me I guess. But...I think Micky was just looking for anything. Anything to get upset over.  
He's in a bad place.  
Don't let him drink for a while."

"Yeah tell me about it."

"Peter, he's really upset with you. He was saying that you were a liar and you accused him of things?"

Peter sighed. "Yeah I know. He's really hung up on that. I didn't accuse him of anything _really_. I mean I didn't say anything that wasn't true."

"Well, what exactly _did_ you say?"

Peter looked around. "Look, do we have to talk about this here?"

Ty looked around. "There's nobody here."

"Yeah I know but…I just feel weird."

"Alright, whatever."

"Look, I just said-" He stopped when Jim came out of the kitchen and walked up behind Ty.

"So you here to kick my ass too?" Jim asked.

"Yeah I wish."

"Let see what you got, you fuckin' hippie."

Ty intervened. "Jim he's just here to take Micky home."

"Right that little fuck. That little faggot.. try taking me on in my own restaurant…see what happens?!"

Peter saw red. "_Faggot HUH?!_ You calling Micky a _faggot?!_ You know he's the only one who had the _balls_ to try and take you down. And _believe me_, there are plenty of us who have wanted to, _you FUCK!_"

"Oh so you're up for a little pain too, huh?!"

"No Jim he's not. He was just leaving."

Peter gave Ty a hateful look.

"You were just leaving Peter. Thank you for picking up Micky." She said.

Peter shook his head but accepted the fact that he wasn't going to do shit.  
He turned to leave but then looked back.  
"You better not touch my girl anymore, either, old man."

He could feel Jim's eyes on him as he continued out the door.

When he got back to the car Micky was asleep again. That was good. He didn't think he could deal with anymore shit right now.

_Man this day was going to hell._ There was so much negative energy. He desperately needed to get balanced again. Focused.

He began speeding, trying to vent some of his aggression.  
He hit a pothole.

Micky opened his eyes startled. "What was that?!"

"Nothing." Peter slowed down. "Don't worry about it."

Micky laid his head on the seat. It looked like he was going back to sleep but instead he said "You think you're such a badass don't you?"

"What?"

"Yeah you think your all _hot_ playing your bass."

"Mick what the fuck are you-"

"-_Fuck you man!_ I see what you're doing!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Oh you just pretend you don't know." He huffed and grew quiet.

Peter decided to leave it alone. No use in trying to get anything sensible from him right now.  
Maybe it had something to do with earlier when they were going to jam? That look Micky had given him?  
Yeah maybe it had something to do with _that_.

.

When he pulled into the carport he looked over. Micky was asleep again.

"Hey Micky we're here."

"Hmm? Oh." He fumbled with the door handle. When he finally got it opened he fell out of the car.

Peter got out and walked around to the passenger side. "Do you want help or would that be me trying to seduce you again?"

"I'm fine. I've got it." Micky slurred.

"Fine." Peter said and walked into the house. He didn't have patience for this right now. If Micky didn't want help he wasn't going to get any.

When he got into the living room, he found Davy watching TV and Mike fiddling with a roll of film for his camera.  
"Oh you guys are back. How was Santa Monica?"

"Great. Gina's got some cute friends." Davy said. "Doesn't she Mike?

Mike looked up. "Oh?...Oh yeah…real cute."

"You know, you should have woke me up. I haven't been to the mountains in months."

"Oh well, we figured you wouldn't want to go. You've been pretty preoccupied lately."

"Yeah I guess you're right."

"Where's Mick?" Mike asked.

Peter shook his head and rolled his eyes. "He _was_ in the carport."

"Well we ought to practice man, while it's still early enough."

"Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen."

"Why not?"

That was when Micky came around the corner holding onto the wall for support. Peter gestured in his direction. "That's why."

"Hey guys." Micky said as he stumbled into the living room. "Did you guys know that..._that_ Peter is full of shit?"

"What?" Mike looked confused.

Micky fell backward against the wall. "I said that Peter's..." He huffed, trying to remember what he'd said. "I said he's a piece-a shit."

"Are you drunk?"

"Noooo." Micky said swaying.

"Is he drunk?" Mike quietly asked Peter.

"Yeah."

"Fuck Micky, It's a little early to hit the bottle isn't it? We were supposed to practice. What were you thinking?"

"_What?"_ He said defensively.

"And what happened to your eye?"

"What eye?"

"He got in a fight." Peter said.

"Yeah you pushed me against the car and tried to have your-"

"-No!" Peter said quickly before Micky had a chance to finish his sentence. There was no telling what he had planned on saying. "No I didn't do _anything_. Micky got in a fight with _Jim_ over at _Neptune's_"

"Oh well that guy deserves an ass kickin'" Davy said.

"Yeah I_ kicked_ his ass." Micky said as he fell backward against the wall again.

They watched as he slowly sank to the floor.

"Well you better help him to bed or something." Mike said looking at Peter.

"_Me?_ No I'm done with him for today. He can sleep right there on the floor for all I care."

Mike looked at Davy expectantly.

"Oh fine." Davy said and walked over to help Micky up.

Peter sat down on the couch.

"Well it will just have to be the three of us then." Mike said.

"What?"

"Well I think we should still practice. Davy can play drums."

"Oh, sure." Peter said unenthusiastically.

When Davy returned he sat next to Peter on the couch.

"Man, what did you do to piss off Micky?"

"Why, what did he say?"

"Ah…I don't even know. He was rambling something about you thinking you were hot shit and pushing him into a car. Something about conspiring with Ty to accuse him? I think he's lost his mind."

"Whatever." Peter said. "He's just drunk."

"Yeah or maybe that knock in the head from Jim jarred something loose."

Peter didn't remark.

"So you guys ready to practice?" Mike asked standing up.

"Practice?" Davy said.

"Yeah, you're on drums."


	7. Alternate Title Part 1 Chapter 7

The next few days were filled with apathy. Micky apologized to Mike and Davy for his behavior but couldn't bring himself to call Ty. If anyone deserved an apology it was her but he just couldn't do it. He needed a little time to nurse his ego before dealing with the shit storm he'd put her through.  
So he spent his time _not_ drinking and avoiding Peter like the plague

It was Friday morning. Peter was working on his bass. There was a knock on the door. But before he could get up to answer it, Lin let herself in.

"It was unlocked." She said.

Peter sat back down and continued tuning his bass.

Lin wandered into the room. "So how's it going?"

Peter shrugged. "I don't know."

"Where's Micky?"

"Around."

"You guys _kiss_ and make up yet?"

Peter glared at her.

She smirked. "Cause I talked to Ty. She said you guys were at odds. I just wondered if you got things resolved."

"Not really." Peter said and looked back down at his bass.

Lin walked over to him. "Well I hope you get things squared away soon. I have a few things I'd like to try now that you two have changed the game."

_What did she mean by that? She couldn't possibly think they were into each other.  
_"We're done swinging Lin. Didn't Micky tell you?"

"Actually, I haven't talked to him. But Ty told me. I don' believe that though." She walked behind his chair and put her hands on his shoulder.  
She leaned in and whispered in his ear "You'd miss me too much." She bit his lobe.

Peter shewed her away. "No seriously Lin. We're done. Remember the rules?"

"Of course I remember. I more or less made the rules...but we didn't break any."

"Oh no? Well what about it fucking up our relationships?"

"Who's? I don't give a shit. Neither does Ty."

"No, I'm talking about me and Micky."

"I didn't realize you were in a relationship….although that would explain some things."

"No, what? NO! Our friendship." He craned his neck to look at her.

"How is it fucking up your friendship?"

"Oh I don't know. "Peter said sarcastically. "We're barely on speaking terms."

"Whatever." she laughed. "You guys are just overreacting...I mean come on...what are you so worked up about?" She nibbled on his ear again.

Peter wiped at his ear and then looking up to see Micky standing by the stairs.  
_When had he come in?_

Micky was watching them. For some reason Peter felt guilty. He looked down.

"Hey hot stuff." Lin said noticing Micky. She wrapped her arms down around Peter's chest.

Micky seemed uncomfortable. "Hey Lin."

"So Peter and I were just talking about you. We think your real cute...don't we Peter?"

Peter didn't know what to say. _What was she doing?_ He looked at Micky helplessly.

Lin continued. "See you have this real cute ass that we'd like to take into the bedroom and bang the shit out of."

Peter was horrified. _Did she really just say that?_  
He looked at Micky and shook his head. "_No man, she's making that up!_"

Micky looked sick.

Lin started laughing. "Jeez, you guys really need to loosen up."

She released Peter and stood. "You know what I think would loosen you up? A getaway. There's this cute little bed and breakfast in the mountains. We should go. Make a weekend of it. It would be pretty hot."

"No Lin, we're done with that." Micky said.

"Yeah that's what I keep hearing. And I thought it was bull shit because usually that's something I would hear from _you_ first. Not Ty or Peter. But I haven't heard a _fucking_ thing from you in _four days!_ That's why I dropped by. I was worried you know."

Micky rolled his eyes. He knew she was spinning.

"And now I get here and everything is fine. Imagine my relief. But I don't understand why you didn't call, Micky. That _really_ hurts."

Micky walked into the living room and leaned on the back of the couch facing them. "Come on Lin you don't expect me to buy that."

Lin smirked. "No I guess not. But come on, you're really done?"

Micky nodded.

"What about Ty?"

"What about her?"

"I don't know I thought you had a thing for her. I thought you'd have a hard time letting go."

Micky glanced at Peter. "Why do you think that?"

"Well, aren't you in love?"

Micky's eyes widened. He shook his head. "No." He whispered.

"Hmm, I guess I was wrong...fine you're out..doesn't mean I have to be."

"What?" Micky looked alarmed.

Lin smiled slyly and moved to Peter's side. She looked at him lovingly and caressed his cheek.  
Then she took his bass and sat down on his lap.

Peter looked at Micky.  
He felt very uncomfortable. He knew he was just a pawn here.  
_So why wasn't he stopping her?_

Lin cupped his face and pulled him towards her. She gave him a long deep kiss.

He came to his senses and pulled away. "Fuck Lin, what are you doing?"

She smiled and looked at Micky. "Maybe I still want to fuck Peter."

"_Jesus Lin_." Peter looked at Micky.

Micky face had turned red. "Fine you can fuck Peter." He said evenly. "But you're not going to be fucking me anymore."

They stared each other down. Finally Lin said "Fine."

That wasn't what Micky had expected. He kept his cool. He continued staring Lin down for a few seconds. Then he nodded and bit his lip, trying to keep it together.  
He turned and stormed out slamming the front door behind him.

Peter was stunned. _What had just happened? Did they just break up?_

Lin began kissing his neck.

"Get the fuck off of me." He shoved her off. "What's wrong with you?"

She stood and pretended to be hurt. "But Peter you won my heart. Don't you want me anymore?" Then she started laughing.

Peter looked at her in wonder. "You are such a twisted bitch."

She laughed again.

"You need to leave."

She smiled and grabbed her bag. "Ok lover, but I'll see you later."

She got to the door and blew him a kiss before letting herself out.

Peter stared at the door.

_Fucking Lin, man_. She had a way of making a bad situation, worse.  
He'd hoped to smooth things over with Micky but this was going to cause an even bigger rift between them.  
Not to mention the toll it would take on Micky's already volatile emotional state.

Great. Wonderful.

* * *

As it turned out 'rift' was not an adequate word to describe how things developed. Abyss might have been closer.  
Micky had not said a word to Peter since.  
That was 6 days ago.

He had been sleeping on the couch and drinking heavily.  
He looked like shit. He hadn't been showering...or shaving, his lips were cracked. His eyes were constantly red with dark circles...the black eye he'd gotten from Jim was still there although it had faded significantly.

Mike and Davy clearly knew something was up. Davy tried to ask Micky about it one day after practice but all he had gotten from Micky was "Go to hell Davy and leave me the fuck alone."  
After that Davy didn't bother him. Didn't talk to him.

Mike did though.  
He had threatened to kick Micky out. Out of the house and out of the band if he didn't get his shit together.  
They all knew he was bluffing but it put them on edge.  
Micky did start waiting until _after_ practice before hitting the bottle though.

He'd take off around 6 and not come back until 1 or 2 in the morning.  
They never knew where he went.

Peter hid his motorcycle keys. Micky was smart about not drinking and driving, but now days? Who knew?  
The loss of transportation, however, had not deterred him from getting shitfaced every night. Now he would just _walk_ to the bar or liquor store.

* * *

On Thursday Micky finally broke the silent treatment he'd been giving Peter. They were working on the new song, _For Pete's Sake_: the one Peter had been struggling with the week before. They had gotten it all worked out but today…today they just sounded like shit. It was the 7th time they'd gone through it. When they got to the middle of the chorus and the drums started to breakdown, the song would go to hell.

Each time, Mike would stop playing. It was obvious he was losing his patience but he would calmly say. "Ok let's start again."

On the 7th time, Micky threw his drumsticks down and said "Fuck this!"

Mike tried to keep his calm. "Come on Micky we gotta get through it. We hit the road in two weeks. We can't play like this."

"Yeah no shit! …..You know _maybe_ if the bass was in time with the rhythm it wouldn't be throwing us all off."

"What?!" Peter got defensive. "It's not me Micky, I don't keep the time."

"Yeah I keep the time and you're not following it!"

"I'm following exactly what you're laying down Mick."

"Then why do you sound like shit?!"

"Obviously because I'm following you I guess!"

"Fuck you Peter!"

"Yeah fuck you too Micky! _You drunk fuck!_"

Micky got up and kicked his high hat over before storming off.

Peter hollered after him "That's probably why you're timing sucks; all the alcohol is eating into your brain and making you slow and stupid."

Micky gave him the finger without looking back and left slamming the front door behind him.

"Probably going to get more alcohol." Peter said to no one.  
Then he realized that Mike and Davy were both staring at him.

Mike sat his guitar down. "Ok Peter, I thought this would blow over but it hasn't. This is serious. Do I actually need to start looking for a new drummer?"

"What? _No!"_

"I don't want to."

"Then don't."

"You know, I thought threatening him would give him motivation but clearly he just doesn't care."

"He cares, man...he's just messed up right now."

"We can't go on tour _playing_ like this. We have our name out there now. We can't fuck it up."

"I'll talk to him." Peter said adamantly.

"What's he so upset about anyhow?" Davy asked.

Peter shook his head. "I don't want to get into it."

"He's pretty mad at _you_ though, huh?"

Peter didn't answer.

"Did something go wrong with your little 'swing club'?"

Davy sure knew how to push things.

Peter gave him a warning look. "I said I don't want to get into it."

"And I don't _want _you getting into it." Mike said. "I told you it was a bad idea to swing but that's neither here nor there." He picked up Micky's high hat. "That's between you guys. But _he_ better get his shit together and _you_ better get focused. We're going to start early tomorrow and I expect everything to be peaches between you two."

.

Peaches my ass. Peter wasn't holding out any hope for that.  
Still if Micky knew what was good for him he would at least hear Peter out and pretend to be civil.

Peter hadn't expected Micky to come back until the wee hours. So when he returned two hours later and plopped himself on the couch, Peter was surprised. He quickly went into the bedroom and grabbed his pipe. He loaded a bowl and went back out.

He walked over to Micky. Micky looked irritated and got up to leave.

"Hey wait, man, come on, peace pipe?" He said holding the pipe out to him.

Micky glared but still took it.

Peter sat down. They were quiet for a few minutes. "So have you talked to her?" Referring to Lin.

"Nope." Micky answered shortly before taking a hit. "Have you fucked her?"

Peter was disheartened. "No man."

"You're going to though?"

"No, Micky, I'm not, ok?"

Micky shrugged. "Whatever."

They grew quiet.

"Look Micky, we need to talk."

"I don't want to talk." Micky said blowing out a hit.

Peter sighed "Look it's not about ...that."

"Then what is it?"

"We have to get our shit together during practice."

Micky was about to protest.

Peter cut him off. "No I don't want to get into it. My fault..Your fault..it doesn't matter. Nobody cares."

"Yeah right. Then why are you so defensive?"

Peter ignored him. "We have to try harder. We can't stay at each other's throats like this. Mike's gonna…." He paused.

"What?"

"He's actually getting serious about replacing you."

Peter saw a hint of alarm flash over Micky's face. It quickly vanished. "So?"

"So?, What, are you kidding?"

"No. I mean that's old news isn't it?"

"Yeah..but he's _serious_ now."

Micky handed the pipe back to Peter and stood up. "Yeah well that's fine. If you guys want me out….whatever. I don't give a fuck anymore."

"We don't want you out! Come on man, I don't want you out! Mike's just worried about the tour."

"Well he should be."

"What?"

"He should be. I'd probably fuck it up. I'm on a roll you know."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I guess it means I'm out. I fucking quit!"

Peter shook his head. _Why was Micky doing this?_ "No man, you can't quit!"

Micky looked unsure of himself for a second. "Yeah I can." He sounded hateful.

"Micky…What's wrong with you?" It wasn't accusational; it was just a question.

"I don't know Pete. Everything! _Everything_ is wrong with me right now!"

Peter searched his face, trying to get some insight. "Micky…?"

"Whatever..just leave me alone!" Micky said quickly and walked toward the door.

Peter watched him leave.

Micky had just quit the band? Peter needed some air.

.

Peter's intent was to go down to the beach and clear his mind but when he got outside he suddenly felt a wave of emotion wash over him.

He was confused and angry. Nothing was making sense. Things were falling apart. He leaned against the wall of the house, tilted his head back and focused on his breathing. It always helped when things got overwhelming.  
But the focus just wasn't there and he suddenly picked up a polo stick from under the porch and began beating the wall to death with it. When he realized what he was doing he threw the stick out toward the beach and collapsed to the ground, crying.

God, how had everything turned to shit so fast? They had been on top of the world a couple weeks ago. Everything had been so great.

_That fucking kiss.  
_Man, that fucking kiss was destroying everything!  
It was just so _stupid!_ How could it have that kind of power?  
Why couldn't they take it back?

He buried his face in his hands and let everything out. He let himself cry. He let himself be angry. He didn't fight the negativity that was washing over him.  
After a while he grew calm.  
He leaned his back against the wall and stared out at the ocean.

He slowly got up and walked out towards the beach. He picked up the polo stick he had thrown.  
It was a nice evening. The sun was getting low and the redshift filled the sky with color.  
Peter took his shoes off and waded into the water. The tide was going out. He began walking. He walked until he got close to Millie's house. He looked toward the sea and saw that the water had receded enough so that the big boulder was visible. He rolled his pant legs up and made his way towards it.

When he got to it, he climbed on top and sat down cross legged. He folded his hands in his laps and admired the view.  
Then he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

This was what he needed.

He let out his breath slowly and worked on relaxing all the muscles in his body.  
He listened to the waves coming in. They settled his mind.  
He became aware of his breathing and timed it with the ocean. He felt like they were connected. He felt relaxed. He felt at peace.

Now he just needed some clarity…a solution.

_What are we going to do about this, Peter?  
__What are we going to do about Micky?_

I don't know what to do about Micky. He's gone off the deep end. He doesn't want help.

_But he needs help._

Not from me. I'll just make it worse.

_That's a copout. _

I just don't know what to do.

_Maybe you need to lay everything out for him._

Lay what out?

_Everything_. He's alone right now. He's confused. He thinks the world is turning on him. _You need to tell him the truth._

The truth?

_Yeah_.

Peter sighed. He wasn't sure he even knew the truth.  
He wasn't sure he wanted to know.  
But that was selfish wasn't it?

Yeah it was.  
Micky deserved the truth. He deserved to know that he wasn't the only one who was lost. He wasn't the only one who was confused. He needed to know that Peter cared about him.  
Maybe it would bring him balance.

Ok, so what was the truth?

What was he keeping from Micky?  
What was he keeping from himself?  
He had a vague idea in the back of his mind.  
He knew it had been trying to surface.  
He knew that he kept shutting it down.  
But that was because it was a lie.

_But was it really?  
__Maybe it wasn't a lie.  
__Maybe he was just afraid._

He was still afraid.  
He wasn't ready to go there yet.

He refocused his thoughts.

Ok, let's try another approach.

_Who is Micky to you?_

Micky is my friend.  
He is my brother.  
I'd do anything for him.  
I care about him.  
I love him.

_Is there anything else?_

Yes.

_What is it?_

I don't know.

_Yes you do._

There is more between us than there should be.

_How much more?_

I don't know. I can just feel something there.

_What is it?_

I can't do this.

_Come on Peter._

He felt his inner calm dissipating.

No I'm sorry, I can't.

_You have to.  
__Just try._

He sighed and forced himself to release the tension that had just filled his muscles.

I don't know what I feel.

_Stop pretending._

Ok, I do know  
But I don't want to admit it.

_You have to if you want to find peace._

But I am afraid of what it implies.

_It's ok to be afraid  
__You need to be honest._

Ok.  
Alright.

I feel desire. I feel longing.

I _want_ him.

.

Peter eyes flew open.  
He drew in a long uneasy breath.

_He wanted Micky?_

That couldn't be true.

Of course it was true. It was obvious. He knew it. _He'd known it.  
_He'd just been fighting it. Fighting that voice that kept surfacing. Those thoughts.  
He'd been lying to himself.  
Worse, he'd been lying to Micky.

Micky was right. Peter had been accusing him. Not outright, but by concealing certain details he'd placed blame on Micky's shoulders. Blame for what they'd done, Blame for the feelings they were clearly feeling. Blame for the distance that had come between them.

But in reality, it had been him. He was the one who had wanted something to happen.

He was the one who pushed things.

He was the one who had wanted to swing. He told himself it was because he wanted to fuck Lin. But that wasn't really true was it? Lin was a bitch.

He'd really just wanted the intimate situation. To be close to Micky.

_It had been about Micky.  
__It had been about Austin._

He had wanted _more_.

But now there were repercussions.  
He felt afraid and sad…and guilty.  
But at least he understood. At least now he knew the truth.  
Now, he wouldn't _hurt_ Micky.

Peter sat on the boulder for a while. The sun had gone down and now it was dark. The ocean, that had been so full of life and beauty only an hour ago, was now dark and ominous. The sounds of the waves no longer brought him peace. They sounded angry, thrashing.

He climbed off of the boulder and headed back towards the pad.

He hoped that he could slip into the house without Mike or Davy seeing him. He didn't think he could face them right now. He needed to be alone.

When he got to the house he put the polo stick back under the porch and headed up the stairs. He could hear voices inside before he even opened the door.

He walked in cautiously hoping not to be noticed.

"Hey Peter." Davy hollered. "Come in here."

_Shit_.

Peter walked into the kitchen.

Davy, Mike, Chip, Gina and a few other girls were gathered around the table.

"Hey Peter, you think you can beat Denise in an arm wrestle?"

He wasn't in the mood for this. "Hey guys. What are you doing?"

"What does it look like we're doing? We're having an arm wrestling tournament."

"Oh."

"So you want to wrestle Denise?"

"Um..you know actually I feel kind of out of it. I think I'm just going to crash."

"Oh come on. One round." Mike came up behind him and pushed him toward the table.

"Alright fine."

"So you think you'll win?" Davy asked again.

Peter looked at Denise. She was small, petite. She had a delicate figure.

"I don't know, I think so."

"Yes or no."

"Yeah sure."

"You want to put money on that?"

"Not really."

"Come on. Five bucks."

They were obviously up to something but Peter didn't have the patience to figure out what it was. "Fine."

"Ok, I'm bettin' on Denise." Davy said.

"What?!"

"_What?_ I'm dating her. I have to be supportive you know."

_Great._

Peter sat down at the table across from Denise.

They locked hands.

Mike stood above them. "Ok..ready and….GO."

Peter barely had to try. He already had her arm inches above the table.

But then he watched as his arm suddenly flew back up and was slammed down on the other side.

"What the fuck?!"

Everyone started laughing.

"She's good isn't she?" Mike said.

"What? How did she do that?"

"Ok time to pay up." Davy said.

"Oh come on really? That was rigged man."

"Rigged? You want to go again? She'll prove it wasn't."

"Don't get sucked in Pete. I just blew 30 bucks trying to beat her." Mike said.

"Right, yeah I think I'll pass."

"Aw, come on. You might win." Davy whined. "Maybe she'll go easy on you." He laughed.

"How much does that make?" Mike asked.

Denise pulled a wad of money out of her purse and counted it. "Fifty plus the five from Peter. Fifty five."

Mike whistled.

"You know we can get a real nice dinner with that, babe. Maybe a hotel too." Davy said.

She winked at him and put the money back in her purse.

Peter stood up and fished his wallet out of his back pocket. He handed Denise a five. "Alright guys, it's been fun. I'm going to bed." Peter said.

"It's _so_ early." Davy objected.

Peter shrugged. "I'm tired."

"Fine. Nighty night Petey."

"Don't let the bed bugs bite." Mike added.

"Hey you want us to tuck you in?"

"I'm good actually." Peter said as he headed for the bedroom.

_They were in a mood weren't they?_

When Peter got into the bedroom he closed the door and collapsed on his bed. He turned on his side and looked at Micky's bed.

He felt a knot in his stomach. The fear was coming back.

Today's realization changed everything. What was he supposed to do with this? He tried to visualize the future but all he saw was a question mark.

What did that mean?

It means you really _should_ go to sleep.

You can deal with this tomorrow.

He sighed and rolled onto his back.

He could hear noise coming from the kitchen but he slowly drifted off.


	8. Alternate Title Part 1 Chapter 8

Peter was awakened a few hours later when the door flew open and Micky stumbled in.

Apparently Micky was done sleeping on the couch.

Micky turned on the lamp and dove head first into his bed. He tossed a bit and then stopped moving. Peter noticed that his legs were hanging off the side.  
Not the most comfortable position.

He got up to turn off the light and decided to re-adjust Micky.  
He gently grabbed him around the waist and hoisted him up on the bed, allowing room for his legs.

Micky groaned.

Then Peter saw that his shoes were still on. Might as well take care of that too. And he could pull the covers up over him while he was at it.

"Thanks Pete." Micky slurred as Peter smoothed the blankets around him.

"Welcome Mick."

Then he sat on the edge of his own bed.  
He watched Micky sleep. He looked so innocent. He looked peaceful. It was nice to see his face without any hateful or bitter expressions. He could almost make himself forget that they were at odds.

He studied him. He knew Micky's body. He'd seen it. He'd seen all of it. But now he allowed himself to see it in a different way.

_Actually_ Micky was a beautiful man. Peter hadn't really noticed before.  
_Why would he?_

But now he let his eyes roam. From his unruly curls down to his thick brows, long lashes, his high Cherokee cheekbones, small pouty lips. He made his way down his neck to the slender frame that was now covered under the blankets. He knew what was there but he wished he hadn't covered him.

As he let his eyes roam, his mind followed suit.  
He visualized the angles and curves of Micky's body. He visualized them in motion. He visualized Micky in motion.  
By now he'd seen him taken from his regular everyday state and stimulated to the point of climax on dozens of occasions. He'd watched the slow gradation of pleasure take over Micky's senses.  
He knew his idiosyncrasies.

He knew those small exhales. That sleepy expression.

He knew how slowly he rocked his hips.

So slow, but so deep.

He knew how Micky's hands would cup around the sides of his lover's face when he kissed them.

How the muscles in his calves would strain.

How his face would grow concentrated.

And of course he knew that look Micky got in his eyes.  
The one that drove Peter crazy.  
The one from Austin.

And now, as he watched a seemingly innocent Micky sleep, he wondered what it would be like to be the cause of all those little nuances.  
To be the one that brought him to that state.

He suddenly became aware that there was a pulsing in his lower region. He looked down and laughed bitterly.

He got up to turn the light off.  
As he settled back into bed he began to rub himself, trying to relieve some of the tension.

_What did he want from Micky?_

Some sort of contact. Something physical. But he didn't know what.

He didn't want sex. He couldn't stomach that and he wasn't entirely sure how two men even made love.  
Well no, that wasn't true. He _knew_. He just didn't understand the logistics.

Regardless, sex with another man was a line he wasn't ready to cross…_yet._

He knew there were other things they could do but actually, right now, all he really wanted was to part those small pouty lips with his tongue, to wrap his arms around Micky, to grab handfuls of that wild curly hair and pull his face in close. To kiss him until neither of them could breath.

No guilt, no inhibitions, no shame.

_Yeah that was what he wanted._

He quickened his motions as he felt the tension beginning to peak.

And then he was coming, squirting his fluids all over himself and his sheets.

As the sensations passed he threw his sheets off of him and sat up.

He let out a long sigh.

He rarely masturbated. With the action he got, he rarely needed to.  
He couldn't even remember when the last time was but he never thought that the _next_ time he would be jerking it to Micky.  
Well there was a first for everything.

He got up and turned the lamp on again.  
He'd made a mess.  
He stripped his bed and threw the sheets in the hamper before heading to the bathroom to clean up.

He ran a rag under the water and was about to wash himself off. Then he paused. He touched his finger to a pool of semen on his stomach and brought it up to his face to study. This stuff was so weird. He usually didn't give it much thought. All those millions of little sperms swimming around on his finger. They were meant to create life. Every human and animal was the product of sperm. Every male creature created it.  
He created it.  
Micky created it.

He rubbed it between his finger and thumb.  
He wondered what it tasted like.  
He studied it again. Lin had said it tasted bad.

He would take her word for it.

He washed his hand off and grabbed the rag to clean himself up before heading back to the bedroom.

He lay down on his sheetless bed and tried to go back to sleep. He stared into the darkness for a while. What a strange day. He again contemplated where this would lead. He still saw a question mark.

* * *

The next day Peter was woken by Mike knocking on his door.

Mike came in. "Rise and shine."

"What? Man, what time is it?" He said groggily.

"Almost noon."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm surprised you're still asleep the way you crashed so early last night."

"Yeah."

"Well, we gotta practice. You seen Mick?"

Peter looked at Micky's bed.  
It was empty.  
"No man."

"So what, he didn't even come home?"

"Oh no, he was here."

"Did you talk to him?"

Peter sighed and got up. "Yeah I talked to him."

"He knows this is serious doesn't he?"

Peter grabbed a shirt and put it on. He didn't answer Mike.

"Well?" Mike asked.

He took a deep breath. "Yeah…yeah Mike he knows it serious."

"Well where is he then?"

Peter shook his head and looked at Mike. "He quit man."

"Quit, What do you mean quit?"

"I mean that he quit. He said to find someone new."

Mike looked stunned. "Pete, are you serious?"

"Yeah." Peter felt a headache coming on.

"What the fuck man. Why would he do that?"

Peter just looked at him.

"Well, shit. What are we going to do? We can't do this without him."

"But I thought you were talking about replacing him."

"I was just talking. But no, we can't replace him. I don't want to replace him. Do you?"

"No, not at all."

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

"Peter….what is going _on?_ I know I said I didn't want to hear about it but _come on_ man. I didn't know it was going to be like this."

_Yep definitely a headache coming on_. "Mike I, ….I don't know what to tell you."

"Well maybe you could tell me what happened." Mike said with a hint of accusation.

"No I can't." Peter held. "But I can tell you that you were right. It _was_ a bad idea to start swinging."

Mike stared him down. He looked angry. Then he abruptly turned and walked out.

Peter rubbed his forehead. His headache was full blown now.

.

He went into the bathroom and grabbed a packet of _Goodies_. He poured it on his tongue and washed it down with water. Hopefully that would take affect soon.  
He walked out into the living room and was confronted by Davy.

"What the fuck man? Micky's _out_?"

Words traveled fast.  
Peter walked past Davy and sat on the loveseat. He didn't say anything.

"You know you guys sure fucked things up didn't you? I mean what we gonna do now? We don't have a drummer. We're not goin' to tour without him. We're fucked."

"Davy, I'm sorry." Peter said quietly.

"Yeah me too." Davy said and left.

.

_Wow this was going to be a great day wasn't it?_ He'd successfully managed to piss off Mike and Davy and he hadn't even been awake 20 minutes yet.  
Now the whole gang hated him. Wonderful.

He rubbed his head and sat back against the couch. He'd foolishly hoped that sleep would cure him of his problems. Maybe that was why he'd slept so late.  
It was funny. Micky was usually the one to sleep all day.

_And where was Micky anyway_? They needed to talk.  
Well, Peter needed to talk.

He wasn't looking forward to that conversation. But he had to do it. The truth would set them free.  
Well, it'd set Micky free at least.

God how would he react? Would he hate Peter more? Peter wouldn't blame him. He wasn't too thrilled with _himself_ right now. He felt disgusted. He felt dirty, wrong, sick.  
And his jerk off session last night was just the icing on the cake.

He started thinking about the word fag. Everything that it implied, the connotations. The stereotypes.  
He tried applying it to himself.  
It just didn't fit. He wasn't gay. He liked women. He liked vaginas. He liked breasts. He did not like penises.

_Well_, that wasn't true. He liked _his_ penis. In fact he liked his a lot. It brought him a lot of joy and pleasure.

But that wasn't the same….obviously.  
He wasn't gay. No way.  
He did not like men.

Except Micky.

_Well..that's kind of gay isn't it?_

God he was confused.  
He didn't know who he was anymore.  
He needed to see Ty. She would remind him who he was.  
In fact, why was he just now thinking this? That should have been his first impulse after his epiphany yesterday.

Peter walked into the kitchen and picked up the phone.  
He dialed the apartment.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mable, Is Ty around?"

"Oh hi Peter. Yeah, let me get her."

A few seconds later Ty answered.

"Hey Ty, look I know you have to work tonight but can I come by for a little bit?"

"Um…yeah I guess. You can't hang out long though.

"That's fine. I just need to see you."

"Ok sure. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. I mean I don't know. I need to get my head straight."

"Oh, ok."

* * *

Peter got to the apartment half an hour later. As he got off the bus he was happy to see that Lin's motorcycle was gone.

Ty answered the door. She was wearing a tank top, cutoffs and had her long hair piled on top of her head. She looked cute.

"Hey Peter." She said as he came in.

He gave her a hug. It was good to see her. It had only been a few days but it seemed like longer.

"Mable made some lasagna, homemade. Do you want any?"

"Yeah sure." He realized he hadn't eaten since yesterday before practice.

Ty went into the kitchen to make him a plate.  
"Let's go to my room. I have to get ready." She said handing it to him.

Peter followed her into her bedroom.

"So what's up?" Ty asked as Peter sat down at her desk to eat.

"Nothing, I've just been trying to sort things out."

"With Micky?" She began going through her dresser.

"Yeah." Peter said slowly.

"How's he doing?"

"Well, he quit the band yesterday."

She stopped rummaging through her clothes and sat on the bed. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because he's fucked up. He's not himself."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

Ty chewed on her lip and looked thoughtful. "Well, it took him a while to get a handle on things when Sabrina left. It's only been a week since him and Lin broke up."

"Yeah, but I don't think that's really what this is about. It made things worse but-"

"-but he's still hung up on that thing with you guys." Ty interjected.

"Yeah, I think."

Ty shook her head. "God, I can't believe he would let that destroy him like this."

Peter debated how much he should tell her. "Ty, I'm still hung up on it too."

She searched his face. "You are?"

Peter nodded.

"Why?"

Peter exhaled. "Because of what it means."

"Does it mean something?" She searched him deeper.

Peter shook his head. He couldn't tell her. "I don't know."

"Ok well, look, I mean we were doing some pretty wild stuff, ok? You guys were constantly around each other. Attraction is bound develop in those kinds of situations. It's happened to me and Lin plenty of times. It doesn't mean anything though."

"So you don't think it changes you?"

Ty grew introspective. "Yeah." She said slowly. "I think it can."

"Do you think I'm different?"

She didn't answer for a few seconds. "I don't know Peter. _Are you?_"

"No." He said quickly.

She continued to study him but then nodded. "Ok, then there's no reason for you to get hung up."

"Yeah...alright."

"So what are you going to do about Micky?"

"I don't know. I can't let him keep doing this to himself. I need to talk to him."

"What are you going to say?"

Peter sighed. "I'm still working on that. But you know, I don't know if he'll even listen. Ty I'm so…"  
Peter felt a wave of emotion hit him.

"What?"

"I'm afraid."

"Afraid?"

"Yeah…I don't want to lose him." He looked away trying to hide the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes.

Ty got off the bed and walked over to him. She sat on the desk facing him and cupped his cheeks, making him look at her.  
"Peter, you're not going to lose him. This is Micky we're talking about. You guys…all you guys, are brothers. He's not going to leave."

Peter nodded silently.

She kissed his forehead. "I love you Peter"

Peter took a deep breath and blew it out. "Sorry." He wiped his eyes. "I'm not sure why I got all emotional."

"Because you love him."

Peter looked up at her.

"He's lucky to have a friend like you Pete."

Peter was quiet for a while. Ty's hands moved down to his shoulders.

"Ty?"

"Yeah?"

"When do you have to be at work?"

Ty looked at the clock by her bed. "An hour."

"Do we have time…?"

"Ohoh." She laughed. "I should have known you would get to that." She bit her lip contemplating. "Yeah I guess, but it will have to be a quickie."

"I'm good with that." Peter smiled raising his eyebrows.

.

They made love.

It took longer than they had planned but it was worth it. They were both left with a feeling of renewal.  
Peter was reassured of his sexuality.  
Ty was reassured of her love for Peter.

When they were done Ty reluctantly withdrew and began looking through her dresser again. "God, I wish I didn't have to work."

Peter lay on the bed lazily. "Can't you call in?"

Ty laughed. "Yeah and leave Shirley to fend for herself?"

"Why not? You're sick. You have the measles."

"The measles?"

"Yeah, hot sex can give them to you, you know."

Ty laughed. "Yeah Peter, I think you're thinking of something else. Maybe clap?"

Peter cringed. "Ok, you better not tell them that."

"I don't know it might keep Jim off my back." She challenged.

"Oh, I don't know. I think he might be into that."

Ty laughed. "Alright, this is getting gross….look Peter I have to get around."

"So?"

"So, you're _distracting_ me." She teased.

Peter sat up. "You want me to go huh?"

"No, I don't _want _you to go. I just need you to."

Peter laughed. "Alright." He got up and walked over to Ty who was pulling on a minidress.

"Can you button me up?"

"No." Peter laughed. "Not if you're wearing that to work."

"Oh come on. She turned around and playfully shoved him.

"Okay fine, but if any of the customers start hitting on you, I want to know about it. He began buttoning the buttons up her back.

She looked back at him and smiled.

When he was done he leaned in and kissed her temple. "Thank you Ty."

"For what?"

"For helping me get my head straight."

She turned around and kissed him. " Right back atcha."

Peter left feeling 100% better than he did when he arrived.  
No he wasn't gay.  
Obviously. He knew that.  
Ty had just confirmed it.  
These feelings he was having were fine. They didn't mean anything. Ty had them for Lin before. But she wasn't gay.  
Besides they probably wouldn't last. And if they did….?

Well fuck it. It wasn't going to change him. He was still himself.  
He still had his balls. He still had his girl.  
So what if he had a little extra love to give? It wasn't evil. It wasn't dark.

It was just love.  
And he was free to give that love to whoever he wanted.

_God he felt better._

Now if only he could get through to Micky.


	9. Alternate Title Part 1 Chapter 9

Peter was awakened by a crashing sound…._again_.

This time it was much louder. Startled, he jumped up to a sitting position. The door was opened and light was filtering in.  
It was still dark but he could make out Micky in the corner by his dresser. He was leaning on it. His elbows were rested on top and he had his head buried in his hands.

_Fuck had he hurt himself? _

"Mick?"

Micky jumped at his voice but didn't answer.

"Micky are you ok? Did you run into something?"

Micky raised his head and looked toward him. Peter couldn't see his face. The light was behind him.  
He began walking towards him. He still didn't say anything.

Something was wrong. Peter felt on edge. _What was Micky doing?_

Micky reached Peter's bed and stood hovering for a few seconds.

Peter still couldn't see his expression.  
_Was it even Micky_? Sure as fuck looked like him. Height, build, hair...

Suddenly in one swift motion Micky lunged at Peter, pushing him back and climbed on top, straddling him.

Briefly Peter was afraid that Micky meant to do him in.

But then Micky's lips were on his, hungry, devouring.  
His hands were on Peter's shoulders.

Peter was reeling.  
It took him a full minute to realize what was happening.

He felt Micky's tongue in his mouth. He tasted the alcohol on his breath. The stubble that Micky had been neglecting scratched at his cheeks.

Then Micky hands moved down to Peter's hips as his mouth moved down to Peter's neck.

_God_… it felt good.  
_But wait…wait a minute. What was going on here?  
_No, this wasn't right.  
He had to stop this.

"Micky?!" he got out between the kisses that were threatening to suffocate him. He brought his hands up and tried to push Micky off of him. "Micky what are you doing man?"

Micky immediately sat up, still straddling Peter.

Peter sat up as well to try to gain some ground.  
His face was close to Micky's again and Peter briefly looked down at his lips. Micky took the look as an invitation and pulled Peter in for another round of kissing.

Peter grabbed his arms and pushed him off again. "Micky! Stop!"

Micky did as asked.

Peter could not see his expression but Micky's body language said that he'd gotten through.  
"You're drunk, man. You have to stop."

With that Micky jumped off the bed and rushed toward the door, running into the lamp in the process.  
He steadied himself on the door frame.  
Peter was finally able to see his face in the hall light.

He definitely looked trashed…  
but he also looked haunted, afraid, disgusted.

Then he was gone.

Peter heard him go into the bathroom down the hall.  
There was a crash followed by puking sounds. After a while it grew quiet.

Peter was sitting in the same position that Micky had left him in.  
He hadn't been able to move. His heart was racing.

_What had just happened?_

Then there was another crashing sound.  
Followed by a moan.

_Shit_, he must have fallen.

Peter got up and realized he was shaking. He'd better be careful or he would be crashing into things as well.  
He got to the bathroom and didn't see Micky anywhere. The bathroom was a mess and the shower curtain had been torn down.  
Then he saw the shower curtain move and realized that Micky was in the tub underneath it.

"Micky, _jesus_ are you ok?"

Micky looked disoriented. He rubbed the side of his head and when he brought his hand down Peter saw that there was blood on it.

Fuck, he'd hit his head on the wall.

Peter pulled the shower curtain away to get a better look. Micky suddenly realized Peter was in the bathroom with him and pulled his legs up under his chin, tucked his head and began crying.

Peter had taken care of Micky in many states of inebriation but now Micky was like a child. Peter let him cry and rubbed his back.  
"Hey man its cool" He soothed.

Micky grew still after a while and Peter realized he'd passed out. He gently leaned Micky's head against the wall and turned it so that he could see where the blood was coming from. There was a nice little gash above his ear. He got up and grabbed a cloth and iodine. He wiped the blood off and applied the medicine. There wasn't really a way for him to bandage it since the cut was in his hair. He'd just have to keep pressure on it until the bleeding stopped. He leaned Micky's head toward him and held it to his chest as he pressed the cloth against the cut. Micky's eyes fluttered open.

"Hey man you awake?"

Micky groaned.

"You know you hit your head. Do you feel ok?"

He groaned again and reached for his head.

"No don't touch it Mick. I'm trying to make it stop bleeding."

Micky dropped his hand and grunted.

"It looks like you went to war with the bathroom, Micky. Did the shower curtain piss you off?"

Micky muttered something incoherent.

"What's that?"

He tried to talk again but all Peter could make out was his name and 'Asshole'.

"Real nice Mick, You know I think you're an asshole too."

_That was the wrong thing to say._ Micky's face scrunched up and he began crying again.

"Oh come on man, I don't mean it. You think you can call me an asshole and I can't call you one back? You know that's not really fair."

Peter released the pressure on Micky's head and found that it was no longer bleeding.  
"Alright Mick, your head is fine. Now let's get you out of this tub. You wanna help me out?"

Micky wiped his eyes and attempted to get up. He got one foot under him and immediately fell forward. Peter caught him and lifted him to his feet. Micky put his arms around Peter's neck while he stepped out of the tub. He steadied himself against the wall while Peter grabbed a wet towel to clean up the vomit on Micky's shirt.

After a bit of scrubbing Peter said "You should probably just take this off and throw it in the wash, man."

Micky leaned his head against the wall and looked at Peter under half closed eyelids. He almost looked seductive. Peter was reminded of that devious look Micky had given him outside of _Neptune's_ the day he'd gotten in a fight with Jim. He even had the slight curl at the corners of his lips.

_It was nothing_….It was just some drunk expression that Peter's mind was making into something else after the events of tonight.  
Still when Micky didn't move to take off his shirt, and Peter realized that he would have to do it, he felt a little uneasy.

_Oh stop it Peter_. There's nothing going on here. Micky needs help. You're just gonna help out a bud…

_A bud, who just happened to have made some major sexual advances towards him less than half an hour ago._

He suddenly wondered what would have happened if he'd let Micky have his way. How far would they have taken things? That was kind of a scary thought…..Scary but also….  
He felt himself hardening.

He moved closer to Micky to help him with his shirt. He suddenly had a vision of himself ripping it up and off and then devouring Micky's lips with his, taking Micky's wrists and pinning them to the wall above his head and...

_Fuck Peter! Come on! Stop it!_

He took a deep breath and quickly pulled Micky's shirt off.

"All right Mick, I think you need to go to bed." He walked Micky back to the bedroom and helped him into bed, pulling the covers up the same way he had last night. He checked the gash on Micky's head again. It seemed to be fine but it probably wouldn't hurt to check his mental status in a few hours to make sure he didn't have a concussion.

He impulsively ruffled his hand through Micky's hair, smoothing it away from his face. He turned to leave. Micky mumbled something unintelligible but Peter made out the last words. "…really sorry Peter."

"It's all good man."

Peter walked back to the bathroom. He had a nice mess on his hands. It took him a good hour to get the bathroom back in shape. Funny, it had taken Micky all of 30 seconds to destroy it.

.

Mike had been out at _The Troubadour_ with Chip. He came home while Peter was scrubbing the floor around the toilet.  
He looked in on Peter. "A little late night cleaning frenzy?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Something like that."

"Man, what in tarnation are you doing?"

Peter dropped the sponge and sat back against the tub.  
"Oh, well Micky came home." He said, as if that explained everything.

"What?" Mike asked.

"He was drunk as usual. Made a mess in here. Cracked his head opened. He's sleeping it off now."

"And you're cleaning up for him?"

"Yeah." Peter laughed cynically.

"Peter….." Mike said slowly. "Is he gonna be ok?"

Peter looked down and picked up the sponge. "I don't know." He said quietly.

Mike was quiet for a few moments. "And what about you?"

Peter looked up, confused. "Me?"

"Yeah, …are you ok?"

"Yeah…..I'm fine."

"You just look tired… or something."

Peter sighed. "I'm fine, Mike….Don't worry."

"I _do_ worry." Mike said.

Peter laughed. "Thanks _mom_."

Mike laughed too. "No it's not like _that_… He grew serious. "I just don't like what's happening. I feel responsible for you guys. I know that sounds stupid but I don't _know_ what's going on. I don't like seeing you at each other's throats like this."

"I don't either." Peter said as he idly scrubbed at the floor. "I'm gonna try to talk to him again, though."

"Alright." Mike said. He turned to leave but looked back. "You should go to bed, man." He said, and then headed upstairs.

Peter sat back against the tub.  
Yeah he _was_ tired.

_Fuck it._ The bathroom was clean enough.

He got up, rinsed the sponge and headed for the bedroom. He sat on his bed. It was still sheetless.

Man, he really needed to do the laundry tomorrow. Between his cum soaked sheets and Micky's vomit soaked shirt, something was bound to start growing in their hamper.

He got up and checked Micky's head. It looked fine.  
Still, he set his alarm so that he could wake Micky up in a couple hours and play 20 Questions.

He lay down and tried to go back to sleep.  
But his mind wouldn't let him.

_So Micky had kissed him…again_.  
_What did that mean?_

Well, it meant that Micky was feeling it too.

_Obviously….but what did it really mean_?

Did it mean that Micky had felt something all along or was it just a reaction?

Was he hung up on Austin….the way Peter was? Had he been unconsciously waiting to make a move? Or was he just trying to make sense out of all the tension that had come between them? The tension that had stemmed from something_ very_ sexual - thus causing a sexual reaction.

_God_, why was he playing _Freud_? Why couldn't he just go to sleep?

Because he needed to know Micky's mind.  
He needed to crawl inside his brain.  
He needed to understand.  
He was going to lay out his cards tomorrow and he'd like to see Micky's hand.

But he had. Micky had shown it to him tonight.  
….unless it was a bluff.

Was it a bluff?

Peter's mind turned these things over and over looking at them from every possible angle. He drove himself mad.

Finally, he fell asleep from mental exhaustion…

.

Only to be woken 30 minutes late by his alarm clock.

_Fucking alarm clock._

But then he remembered he needed to check on Micky. He forced himself to get up. He sat on the edge of Micky's bed and turned his head so he could see the cut.  
It was a little puffy. He put some more ointment on it.

"Micky."

No response.  
He was out like a light. He shook him. "Hey Micky!"

Still nothing. It was like trying to wake a corpse.

_A corpse?_ Oh, he did not like that analogy.

He quickly felt Micky's throat for a pulse.  
It was there.

He let out a breath.

"MICKY!" He yelled and shook him hard.

Micky's eyes opened slightly.

"Hey Micky!"

Micky groaned.

"Hey wake up, man!"

Another groan but he strained his eyes opened.

Peter held up three fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up, Mick?"

Micky closed them again.

"MICK!"

Micky grumbled something. All Peter could make out was "…fuck you man."

Well that sounded about right.  
Peter went back to bed.

.

A couple hours later he was awaken again when Micky got up and left the room.  
Peter heard him puking in the bathroom.

"You ok?" He asked when Micky returned.

He didn't answer but gave him a shameful look before lying back down with his head facing the wall.

.

Around noon, Peter got up . He glanced over. Micky was lying in his bed...staring at him.

"Hey man." Peter said yawning. "How's your head?"

Micky rolled over.

_That went well._

He went into the kitchen and found Davy sitting at the table playing solitaire.  
"Hey Davy."

Davy looked up at him. "Hey." He said coldly.

"You want to play cribbage?"

"Nope."

_Oh, that's right. Davy was mad at him.  
_"Where's Mike?" He asked as Davy went through his draw pile and laid out an ace.

Davy looked annoyed. "He went to see Chris….to let him know that we are pullin' out of _Spirit_."

"What?! Man, I told him I was going to talk to Micky again. Why didn't he wait?"

"Don't know."

Peter sighed. "We can't give up that gig, man."

"You're tellin' me." Davy said as he scooped up his cards and stood. He walked towards the front door.

"Hey, where you going?"

"Out."

"Where?"

"Don't know. I just don't really feel like being here right now."

"Can I go?"

"Nah, I don't really fell like hanging out with you either." Then he left.

_._

_Wow, that kind of hurt._

Peter didn't blame Davy though. He'd be pissed too if the tables were turned.  
They'd had a good thing going. They'd gotten their lucky break. A chance in a million.  
Those kinds of things didn't happen everyday. Probably wouldn't happen again.  
And now he and Micky had destroyed it. They'd taken that away from Davy and Mike.

_But it didn't have to be that way._ Mike was jumping the gun.  
Micky might come around. And if he didn't, they could get a temp. Someone to fill in for him until he _did_.

Why couldn't Mike have just waited? What was he thinking?  
Well, when he got home Peter would have to have a talk with him.  
Hopefully it wouldn't be too late.  
Hopefully Chris would be understanding.

Peter sighed and looked around the house. What to do until then?  
He picked up his bass and played for a while. Then he decided to tune the piano. It didn't really need it but he was bored.  
He tried watching _The Smothers Brothers_ on TV but his mind kept wondering and he couldn't keep up. It just became background noise.  
He wanted to check in on Micky but knew he was probably the last person Micky wanted to see.

_Poor Mick._ They needed to talk. But it wasn't a good time...  
Nope, definitely not a good time.  
He'd wait...

He started washing the dishes and then he remembered he needed to do the laundry.

_Of course._ The laundry. A _real_ task. A mission. And it would get him out of the house.  
He finished the dishes and looked at the clock. It was almost 4:00. He'd better get going. April usually closed shop around 5:30. He headed to the bedroom to get the hamper.

Micky was still in bed but he was awake. He looked awful.

"Hey man, you feeling ok?"

Micky nodded.

"You know you look like shit."

"Hey I just..." Micky croaked out. "Can you just leave me alone?"

Peter picked up the hamper. "I'm going to April's. Is there anything you need washed?"

Micky nodded slowly. "My shirt…from last night."

"I already got it."

"Oh."

"Anything else."

Micky shrugged and shook his head.

Peter turned to leave. "Man you should probably eat something."

"I will later." Micky said.

Peter went back into the kitchen. He made Micky a sandwich and took it back to him. He set it on the night nightstand without saying a word and turned to leave.

"Pete?"

Peter turned around.

"Thanks."

Peter smiled and left.


	10. Alternate Title Part 1 Chapter 10

Peter was awakened by a crashing sound…._again_.

This time it was much louder. Startled, he jumped up to a sitting position. The door was opened and light was filtering in.  
It was still dark but he could make out Micky in the corner by his dresser. He was leaning on it. His elbows were rested on top and he had his head buried in his hands.

_Fuck had he hurt himself? _

"Mick?"

Micky jumped at his voice but didn't answer.

"Micky are you ok? Did you run into something?"

Micky raised his head and looked toward him. Peter couldn't see his face. The light was behind him.  
He began walking towards him. He still didn't say anything.

Something was wrong. Peter felt on edge. _What was Micky doing?_

Micky reached Peter's bed and stood hovering for a few seconds.

Peter still couldn't see his expression.  
_Was it even Micky_? Sure as fuck looked like him. Height, build, hair...

Suddenly in one swift motion Micky lunged at Peter, pushing him back and climbed on top, straddling him.

Briefly Peter was afraid that Micky meant to do him in.

But then Micky's lips were on his, hungry, devouring.  
His hands were on Peter's shoulders.

Peter was reeling.  
It took him a full minute to realize what was happening.

He felt Micky's tongue in his mouth. He tasted the alcohol on his breath. The stubble that Micky had been neglecting scratched at his cheeks.

Then Micky hands moved down to Peter's hips as his mouth moved down to Peter's neck.

_God_… it felt good.  
_But wait…wait a minute. What was going on here?  
_No, this wasn't right.  
He had to stop this.

"Micky?!" he got out between the kisses that were threatening to suffocate him. He brought his hands up and tried to push Micky off of him. "Micky what are you doing man?"

Micky immediately sat up, still straddling Peter.

Peter sat up as well to try to gain some ground.  
His face was close to Micky's again and Peter briefly looked down at his lips. Micky took the look as an invitation and pulled Peter in for another round of kissing.

Peter grabbed his arms and pushed him off again. "Micky! Stop!"

Micky did as asked.

Peter could not see his expression but Micky's body language said that he'd gotten through.  
"You're drunk, man. You have to stop."

With that Micky jumped off the bed and rushed toward the door, running into the lamp in the process.  
He steadied himself on the door frame.  
Peter was finally able to see his face in the hall light.

He definitely looked trashed…  
but he also looked haunted, afraid, disgusted.

Then he was gone.

Peter heard him go into the bathroom down the hall.  
There was a crash followed by puking sounds. After a while it grew quiet.

Peter was sitting in the same position that Micky had left him in.  
He hadn't been able to move. His heart was racing.

_What had just happened?_

Then there was another crashing sound.  
Followed by a moan.

_Shit_, he must have fallen.

Peter got up and realized he was shaking. He'd better be careful or he would be crashing into things as well.  
He got to the bathroom and didn't see Micky anywhere. The bathroom was a mess and the shower curtain had been torn down.  
Then he saw the shower curtain move and realized that Micky was in the tub underneath it.

"Micky, _jesus_ are you ok?"

Micky looked disoriented. He rubbed the side of his head and when he brought his hand down Peter saw that there was blood on it.

Fuck, he'd hit his head on the wall.

Peter pulled the shower curtain away to get a better look. Micky suddenly realized Peter was in the bathroom with him and pulled his legs up under his chin, tucked his head and began crying.

Peter had taken care of Micky in many states of inebriation but now Micky was like a child. Peter let him cry and rubbed his back.  
"Hey man its cool" He soothed.

Micky grew still after a while and Peter realized he'd passed out. He gently leaned Micky's head against the wall and turned it so that he could see where the blood was coming from. There was a nice little gash above his ear. He got up and grabbed a cloth and iodine. He wiped the blood off and applied the medicine. There wasn't really a way for him to bandage it since the cut was in his hair. He'd just have to keep pressure on it until the bleeding stopped. He leaned Micky's head toward him and held it to his chest as he pressed the cloth against the cut. Micky's eyes fluttered open.

"Hey man you awake?"

Micky groaned.

"You know you hit your head. Do you feel ok?"

He groaned again and reached for his head.

"No don't touch it Mick. I'm trying to make it stop bleeding."

Micky dropped his hand and grunted.

"It looks like you went to war with the bathroom, Micky. Did the shower curtain piss you off?"

Micky muttered something incoherent.

"What's that?"

He tried to talk again but all Peter could make out was his name and 'Asshole'.

"Real nice Mick, You know I think you're an asshole too."

_That was the wrong thing to say._ Micky's face scrunched up and he began crying again.

"Oh come on man, I don't mean it. You think you can call me an asshole and I can't call you one back? You know that's not really fair."

Peter released the pressure on Micky's head and found that it was no longer bleeding.  
"Alright Mick, your head is fine. Now let's get you out of this tub. You wanna help me out?"

Micky wiped his eyes and attempted to get up. He got one foot under him and immediately fell forward. Peter caught him and lifted him to his feet. Micky put his arms around Peter's neck while he stepped out of the tub. He steadied himself against the wall while Peter grabbed a wet towel to clean up the vomit on Micky's shirt.

After a bit of scrubbing Peter said "You should probably just take this off and throw it in the wash, man."

Micky leaned his head against the wall and looked at Peter under half closed eyelids. He almost looked seductive. Peter was reminded of that devious look Micky had given him outside of _Neptune's_ the day he'd gotten in a fight with Jim. He even had the slight curl at the corners of his lips.

_It was nothing_….It was just some drunk expression that Peter's mind was making into something else after the events of tonight.  
Still when Micky didn't move to take off his shirt, and Peter realized that he would have to do it, he felt a little uneasy.

_Oh stop it Peter_. There's nothing going on here. Micky needs help. You're just gonna help out a bud…

_A bud, who just happened to have made some major sexual advances towards him less than half an hour ago._

He suddenly wondered what would have happened if he'd let Micky have his way. How far would they have taken things? That was kind of a scary thought…..Scary but also….  
He felt himself hardening.

He moved closer to Micky to help him with his shirt. He suddenly had a vision of himself ripping it up and off and then devouring Micky's lips with his, taking Micky's wrists and pinning them to the wall above his head and...

_Fuck Peter! Come on! Stop it!_

He took a deep breath and quickly pulled Micky's shirt off.

"All right Mick, I think you need to go to bed." He walked Micky back to the bedroom and helped him into bed, pulling the covers up the same way he had last night. He checked the gash on Micky's head again. It seemed to be fine but it probably wouldn't hurt to check his mental status in a few hours to make sure he didn't have a concussion.

He impulsively ruffled his hand through Micky's hair, smoothing it away from his face. He turned to leave. Micky mumbled something unintelligible but Peter made out the last words. "…really sorry Peter."

"It's all good man."

Peter walked back to the bathroom. He had a nice mess on his hands. It took him a good hour to get the bathroom back in shape. Funny, it had taken Micky all of 30 seconds to destroy it.

.

Mike had been out at _The Troubadour_ with Chip. He came home while Peter was scrubbing the floor around the toilet.  
He looked in on Peter. "A little late night cleaning frenzy?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Something like that."

"Man, what in tarnation are you doing?"

Peter dropped the sponge and sat back against the tub.  
"Oh, well Micky came home." He said, as if that explained everything.

"What?" Mike asked.

"He was drunk as usual. Made a mess in here. Cracked his head opened. He's sleeping it off now."

"And you're cleaning up for him?"

"Yeah." Peter laughed cynically.

"Peter….." Mike said slowly. "Is he gonna be ok?"

Peter looked down and picked up the sponge. "I don't know." He said quietly.

Mike was quiet for a few moments. "And what about you?"

Peter looked up, confused. "Me?"

"Yeah, …are you ok?"

"Yeah…..I'm fine."

"You just look tired… or something."

Peter sighed. "I'm fine, Mike….Don't worry."

"I _do_ worry." Mike said.

Peter laughed. "Thanks _mom_."

Mike laughed too. "No it's not like _that_… He grew serious. "I just don't like what's happening. I feel responsible for you guys. I know that sounds stupid but I don't _know_ what's going on. I don't like seeing you at each other's throats like this."

"I don't either." Peter said as he idly scrubbed at the floor. "I'm gonna try to talk to him again, though."

"Alright." Mike said. He turned to leave but looked back. "You should go to bed, man." He said, and then headed upstairs.

Peter sat back against the tub.  
Yeah he _was_ tired.

_Fuck it._ The bathroom was clean enough.

He got up, rinsed the sponge and headed for the bedroom. He sat on his bed. It was still sheetless.

Man, he really needed to do the laundry tomorrow. Between his cum soaked sheets and Micky's vomit soaked shirt, something was bound to start growing in their hamper.

He got up and checked Micky's head. It looked fine.  
Still, he set his alarm so that he could wake Micky up in a couple hours and play 20 Questions.

He lay down and tried to go back to sleep.  
But his mind wouldn't let him.

_So Micky had kissed him…again_.  
_What did that mean?_

Well, it meant that Micky was feeling it too.

_Obviously….but what did it really mean_?

Did it mean that Micky had felt something all along or was it just a reaction?

Was he hung up on Austin….the way Peter was? Had he been unconsciously waiting to make a move? Or was he just trying to make sense out of all the tension that had come between them? The tension that had stemmed from something_ very_ sexual - thus causing a sexual reaction.

_God_, why was he playing _Freud_? Why couldn't he just go to sleep?

Because he needed to know Micky's mind.  
He needed to crawl inside his brain.  
He needed to understand.  
He was going to lay out his cards tomorrow and he'd like to see Micky's hand.

But he had. Micky had shown it to him tonight.  
….unless it was a bluff.

Was it a bluff?

Peter's mind turned these things over and over looking at them from every possible angle. He drove himself mad.

Finally, he fell asleep from mental exhaustion…

.

Only to be woken 30 minutes late by his alarm clock.

_Fucking alarm clock._

But then he remembered he needed to check on Micky. He forced himself to get up. He sat on the edge of Micky's bed and turned his head so he could see the cut.  
It was a little puffy. He put some more ointment on it.

"Micky."

No response.  
He was out like a light. He shook him. "Hey Micky!"

Still nothing. It was like trying to wake a corpse.

_A corpse?_ Oh, he did not like that analogy.

He quickly felt Micky's throat for a pulse.  
It was there.

He let out a breath.

"MICKY!" He yelled and shook him hard.

Micky's eyes opened slightly.

"Hey Micky!"

Micky groaned.

"Hey wake up, man!"

Another groan but he strained his eyes opened.

Peter held up three fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up, Mick?"

Micky closed them again.

"MICK!"

Micky grumbled something. All Peter could make out was "…fuck you man."

Well that sounded about right.  
Peter went back to bed.

.

A couple hours later he was awaken again when Micky got up and left the room.  
Peter heard him puking in the bathroom.

"You ok?" He asked when Micky returned.

He didn't answer but gave him a shameful look before lying back down with his head facing the wall.

.

Around noon, Peter got up . He glanced over. Micky was lying in his bed...staring at him.

"Hey man." Peter said yawning. "How's your head?"

Micky rolled over.

_That went well._

He went into the kitchen and found Davy sitting at the table playing solitaire.  
"Hey Davy."

Davy looked up at him. "Hey." He said coldly.

"You want to play cribbage?"

"Nope."

_Oh, that's right. Davy was mad at him.  
_"Where's Mike?" He asked as Davy went through his draw pile and laid out an ace.

Davy looked annoyed. "He went to see Chris….to let him know that we are pullin' out of _Spirit_."

"What?! Man, I told him I was going to talk to Micky again. Why didn't he wait?"

"Don't know."

Peter sighed. "We can't give up that gig, man."

"You're tellin' me." Davy said as he scooped up his cards and stood. He walked towards the front door.

"Hey, where you going?"

"Out."

"Where?"

"Don't know. I just don't really feel like being here right now."

"Can I go?"

"Nah, I don't really fell like hanging out with you either." Then he left.

_._

_Wow, that kind of hurt._

Peter didn't blame Davy though. He'd be pissed too if the tables were turned.  
They'd had a good thing going. They'd gotten their lucky break. A chance in a million.  
Those kinds of things didn't happen everyday. Probably wouldn't happen again.  
And now he and Micky had destroyed it. They'd taken that away from Davy and Mike.

_But it didn't have to be that way._ Mike was jumping the gun.  
Micky might come around. And if he didn't, they could get a temp. Someone to fill in for him until he _did_.

Why couldn't Mike have just waited? What was he thinking?  
Well, when he got home Peter would have to have a talk with him.  
Hopefully it wouldn't be too late.  
Hopefully Chris would be understanding.

Peter sighed and looked around the house. What to do until then?  
He picked up his bass and played for a while. Then he decided to tune the piano. It didn't really need it but he was bored.  
He tried watching _The Smothers Brothers_ on TV but his mind kept wondering and he couldn't keep up. It just became background noise.  
He wanted to check in on Micky but knew he was probably the last person Micky wanted to see.

_Poor Mick._ They needed to talk. But it wasn't a good time...  
Nope, definitely not a good time.  
He'd wait...

He started washing the dishes and then he remembered he needed to do the laundry.

_Of course._ The laundry. A _real_ task. A mission. And it would get him out of the house.  
He finished the dishes and looked at the clock. It was almost 4:00. He'd better get going. April usually closed shop around 5:30. He headed to the bedroom to get the hamper.

Micky was still in bed but he was awake. He looked awful.

"Hey man, you feeling ok?"

Micky nodded.

"You know you look like shit."

"Hey I just..." Micky croaked out. "Can you just leave me alone?"

Peter picked up the hamper. "I'm going to April's. Is there anything you need washed?"

Micky nodded slowly. "My shirt…from last night."

"I already got it."

"Oh."

"Anything else."

Micky shrugged and shook his head.

Peter turned to leave. "Man you should probably eat something."

"I will later." Micky said.

Peter went back into the kitchen. He made Micky a sandwich and took it back to him. He set it on the night nightstand without saying a word and turned to leave.

"Pete?"

Peter turned around.

"Thanks."

Peter smiled and left.


	11. Alternate Title Part 1 Chapter 11

Micky was in hell. Had been all day. It was the kind of hell created in the mind.  
The bedroom was his prison. Shame was his shackle.

His anxiety was eating him alive. He'd been curled in a fetal position all morning, trying to ease the tension.  
The hangover certainly didn't help matters.  
Hitting his head didn't help either.  
Plus, he hadn't eaten since the day before yesterday. Surly that also didn't help?

Thank god for Peter, though.  
Micky greedily snatched the sandwich off the nightstand.

What would he do without him?  
Peter knew how to take care of him when he couldn't take care of himself.  
Peter was willing to take care of him in spite of everything Micky had put him through.

And what exactly had Micky been thinking anyway when he had decided it might be a good idea to jump Peter's bones last night?  
Was that even what he had been trying to do?  
It was all so vague but…yeah… it kind of seemed like that had been his intention.

_Oh fuck.  
_What must Peter think?  
Micky didn't want to know. He was glad he wasn't here right now.

He finished his sandwich and downed a glass of water that Peter must have brought him at some point.  
He realized he was still thirsty.  
_Yeah of course you're still thirsty. You're dehydrated as fuck._

He slowly got up. His head was really pounding and his vision started to darken around the edges.  
He grabbed the dresser for support.  
His vision cleared and he made his way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

He refilled his glass. He wanted to go back to bed. But maybe he should just get up.  
He was out of his prison. Why did he want to go back to it right now?  
He went into the bathroom to wash up.

He looked around. Apparently Peter had cleaned up after him.  
When he saw the tub, he absently touched the cut on his head.

It was funny how the mind worked under the influence of alcohol. There were all these things that he remembered and all these things that were spotty.  
Then there were periods of time that were completely lost.  
_Yet_ he'd been functioning on _some_ level the whole time. Talking, walking, feeling things, making decisions…_albeit bad ones._

He remembered going to see Ty. _He'd sure fucked that up, hadn't he?  
_

He remembered the strange woman on the bus.

He remembered the rock, of course.  
…_.Oh_…and singing to it… _god, what a weirdo_.

After that, things got really hazy.  
He had no recollection of getting home.

He wasn't sure how he'd started things with Peter but the next clear memory was of Peter telling him to stop and pushing him away.  
_God…He'd been straddling him._

He remembered being afraid. He remembered running.  
He must have fallen after that.

Then Peter was holding him. He remembered being in the tub and crying.

Then he remembered Peter helping him to bed.  
Actually that was pretty clear. Peter had tucked him in and smoothed his hair.

_Peter the saint._

How was he going to face him? How could he ever look him in the eye and feel normal again?  
So it had been him all along. There was no denying that now. No one to blame.  
Peter hadn't made him do anything.

So why had he done it?  
_Why?  
_What did that say about him?

Micky felt sick. He leaned over the toilet and dry heaved.  
His eyes watered and his vision darkened again. He held onto the counter until the wave passed.

He looked in the mirror.  
Wow, he looked like hell.  
He barely recognized himself.

He looked pale. Clammy. His eyes were bloodshot. There were dark circles. He still had a slight bruise from Jim. His lips were cracked and had crusty things on the corners.  
Oh, and the cut on his head. He hadn't seen it yet but he knew that it had been the subject of Peter's worries during the night.  
He leaned in to get a look. There was some swelling and discoloration but he'd live.

Micky sighed. He was a real winner.

He brushed his teeth and splashed water on his face.  
He really should take a shower. He probably smelled. He felt like he smelled. He felt disgusting. But he also felt weak and he didn't think standing while hot water hit him would help very much. He'd probably pass out.  
Instead, he grabbed a wet rag and washed himself up the best he could.

When he finished he looked in the mirror again.  
He looked a little better.  
And he actually felt a little better too.

He went back into the kitchen and made himself another sandwich. He hadn't felt so starved in years.  
He put on a _Stones_ album and lay down on the couch. As _I'm Free_ played, he was transported outside of himself.  
He let go of his worries.  
He relaxed.  
Soon he fell was asleep again. But this time it was a natural sleep that he had not gotten in days.  
He dreamed…

* * *

He dreamed that he was out on the rock and the tide was coming in. It encircled him and began to speak. Not with a voice he could hear but with a feeling in his very soul. It wanted Micky to go with it out to sea.  
It wanted to show him things.  
Show him the _other_ side of life.

Micky was afraid. He looked back at the beach but it was no longer there. All he could see was a vast ocean in all directions.  
_No_ he said. _I don't want to go with you_.

The tide only laughed.

_Please, please don't make me go. I want to live._

The tide laughed again and asked why he should live. It asked what he had to live for. It told him that he was barely alive as it was.

_I don't care. I'm not going with you_.

The tide rose and began swirling around him, high into the air.

Micky was terrified.

It told him he had no choice.  
That he'd given up his choice.  
Then it came crashing down.

He grasped at the rock but it was no longer there.  
He was swept out to sea and pulled into its depths.  
He tried to fight his way to the surface but he was too weak. The tide pulled him back down.

He heard it laughing all around him.

The world began to grow dark. A deep sadness filled him as he felt his life begin to slip away.

Then the laughing ceased.

He opened his eyes and saw a bright light swimming towards him. As it grew closer he saw that there was a form to it.  
It was alive.  
The light reached out to him and caressed his cheek.

He felt its energy.

Then the light touched his lips and breathed air into his lungs.

Life filled him. Filled his body. The darkness vanished. He could see everything.  
He looked at the light.

The light now had features.

Features that he knew very well.

_Micky, I love you_ it said. _Please come back to me._

_How can you love me Peter? I've been so awful to you._

The light that was Peter did not answer. Instead it reached out and embraced Micky.

It caressed the back of his head filling him with love and warmth.

* * *

That was when Micky woke. He realized that his head was _indeed_ being caressed. He looked up to see Peter sitting on the edge of the couch with some cotton and ointment. He was rubbing it on Micky's cut.

"Hey Mick." He said casually.

"Pete? …..What are you doing?"

"Nothing, I was just…well you don't want that to get infected do you?"

Micky shook his head.

"How do you feel?"

Micky closed his eyes and saw the light in his mind. "I don't know." He said softly.

"Do you need anything?" Peter asked as he stood.

Micky shook his head. "Pete….why are you being so nice to me when I have been so awful to you?"

"Cause I love you man."

_Just like the light_

Micky sat up. "Hey Pete…."

Peter waited for Micky to continue. When he didn't Peter sat back down on the couch. "What's up?"

Micky stared down at the floor and shook his head. "Pete…." He swallowed. "Pete I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about…..what I did last night. I don't know what happened. I just…..I….I don't know why I-"

"-Stop man….._just stop_…you don't have anything to be sorry about."

Micky rubbed his temple and continued looking at the floor. "That's not true."

"Micky…believe me... you don't have to be sorry."

Micky looked at Peter incredulously. "But….. I _kissed_ you." He choked out. "..._again_."

Peter nodded. "Yeah I know..." He said slowly, studying Micky.

Micky looked sick.

Peter sighed. _Was it time to tell him?_

"Look Mick, I need to talk to you...I wanted to wait, but …-I thought, after last night…" He glanced up at Micky. "I thought you'd need some time but…uh, ...actually I think it was me that needed time…_" _He swallowed._ There was no turning back now.  
_"Anyway I think I just need to _tell_ you."

Micky stared at him dumbly.

Peter took a deep breath. "I think I'm the one who should be sorry…not you."

Micky didn't understand. _Why would Pete be sorry?_ "What are you talking about?"

Peter rubbed between his brows and sighed. "Look I have a confession...ok?"  
He looked Micky in the eyes. "This whole thing is my fault…I think."

Micky shook his head. He didn't get it.

Peter took in another deep breath and let it out it out in a shaky exhale.  
"I have a thing…"  
He swallowed again...  
"I have a thing for you."

Micky heard Peter but he didn't understand. What was he trying to say? Had he heard him right?

Peter continued "I don't know why. I just know that I do. You know, maybe it will pass…I mean Ty _said_ it would pass, but I don't know."

Micky still couldn't wrap his head around what Peter was saying. "Wait, what? What thing? What do you mean, Pete?"

Peter looked pained. "Mick…I don't know. I don't understand it. I just know that I wanted something to happen. It's fucking Austin, man."

Micky suddenly understood. _Austin. Yeah, Austin. Austin had done this to them.  
_Austin was the seed. He'd felt something that night. It had grown in his subconscious since. He'd been too preoccupied with Ty to notice. But it was still there…growing …fueled by his sexual environment and proximity to Peter.  
It was bound to show its face. It had to.

But he couldn't accept _that_. He'd been trying to fight it off, he realized…Well, he was still going to fight it! He'd kill it! He wasn't gay! He didn't feel things!

But the light...

_Fuck the light!_

He dropped his head into his hands and moaned. He stayed that way for a few moments. When he raised his head he saw Peter. Peter looked terrified.

Micky swallowed hard as a tear escaped from each eye. He was so confused. "Pete….I'm not gay." He strained.

"I'm not either." Peter said in a near whisper.

"Well then what are you saying?!" Micky cried out.

"I don't know….Mick, I really don't know!"

Micky dropped his head again and cupped his ears trying to unhear…..unknow… forget everything he had just learned. While at the same time trying to unfeel everything that he was suddenly feeling.

"Micky.._I'm sorry_…. I'm _really_ sorry."

Micky looked up. Peter now had a couple tears of his own.

Micky saw the light in his mind again.

Peter…_his_ light.

He couldn't let the light cry.  
He suddenly felt compelled to touch Peter's face and wipe away his tears.  
His hand lingered on Peter's cheek.

Peter's eyes searched him.

Micky let them.

Peter touched the hand that was on his cheek and twined his fingers around it.  
His other hand reached up and touched Micky's cheek.  
It caressed it as the light had done.

Micky let it.

Slowly Peter's thumb moved down to Micky's lower lip.

Micky trembled. "I don't know about this man."

"I don't either." Peter said just as unsurely.

Micky looked up into Peter's eyes. It was like looking into himself. He saw the fear and uncertainty there.

Then Peter's lips were on his, soft and timid.

Micky felt a wave of faintness as he tried to make sense of what he was letting happen.

He quickly pulled away. "Oh god… what... Man, what are you doing?"

Peter looked confused. "I'm sorry…. I thought…." He trailed off.

They stared at each. Then Micky shuddered and looked away.  
_He needed to think. He needed to leave._

But when he turned back to face Peter, he surprised himself by grabbing Peter and _attacking_ his lips instead.  
He wasn't sure how it had happened just like he wasn't sure how it had happened the first time in Ty's bedroom.  
He wasn't in control.

He _wanted_ to pull away. He _wanted_ to fight. But his instincts had taken the reins. They made him wrap his hands around Peter and pulled him closer. They made him open his lips and accept the passion that was now flowing into them.  
They made him feel.  
Made him forget what he _thought_ he wanted and realize what he _actually_ wanted.

He wanted Peter.

He wanted the light.

He felt alive. He felt energy rushing though him, lighting him on fire, electrifying his senses.  
But when the fire reached his groin, he took the reins back.  
He pulled away….

Peter looked disoriented. "Micky…?"

Micky quickly stood.

"Pete….." He rubbed his forehead. "Fuck…. we….. Seriously we can't do this, Pete."

Peter looked up at Micky. "I know." He said and dropped his head into his hands.

Micky stood there uncertainly watching Peter.

He had an impulse to jump on top of him…straddle him like he had done last night and give into that fire.

But he was scared. He suddenly turned and took off for the front door.  
He needed a drink.


	12. Alternate Title Part 1 Chapter 12

Peter stayed sitting on the couch for a while trying to get himself under control.  
He felt highly emotional.  
Micky didn't hate him but he'd run.

_Oh course he had_. What did Peter expect? Peter had felt like running himself.

Things were real now. The cat was out of the bag…for both of them.  
His intention had been to tell Micky the truth and hope he didn't hate him. That was all.  
He hadn't expected things to suddenly develop. To suddenly become so _real_.

And it _was_ real. It _was_.

Last night he'd felt so confident after leaving Ty's. He'd had faith that these feeling would just blow over.  
But Micky's reaction said otherwise.  
The fear on his face  
The inner battle he'd seen in his eyes  
The denial.  
The way he'd cried.  
Shit..the way Peter _himself _had cried.  
The fact that he'd run…  
The only explanation was that deep down they both knew how real it was and it scared the shit out of them.

But why did they have to be so afraid? What was so scary about it?  
Was it because it was _wrong_?  
But _why_ was it wrong?  
What made it wrong?  
That it wasn't natural?  
That they couldn't procreate?  
Well so the hell what! They weren't hurting anyone. Why did it matter?  
Because society thought it mattered?  
It was just so ingrained?  
It seemed ironic though because men had been fucking other men for thousands of years, all over the world….and it used to be accepted.  
Not_ just_ accepted but common practice.  
So what had changed?  
The times, society…  
religion maybe?  
God said it was evil…  
He said it was a sin.  
Peter wasn't going to argue with God….even though he didn't particularly believe in him.  
But even if it was a sin, it was just a sin….nothing more.  
It was no worse than anything else people did on a daily basis that nobody gave two fucks about.

So really, they shouldn't be so afraid.  
Like he'd been thinking last night…it's was just love.  
Love wasn't dark _or _evil…..

_God he felt anxious._

He finally got off the couch and headed for the bedroom. He grabbed his bag of weed and filled his pipe. He smoked a bowl and then he smoked another. He smoked until his anxiety was gone and then he smoked the little he had left.

He released his mind.  
….And tried to think about love.

* * *

Micky wanted to drink but he found himself walking towards the beach instead .  
He got to Millie's and headed for his rock.  
The tide was just going out. He climbed on top of it and watched the water with unease.

_Fucking tide wasn't going to take him.  
_He was just here to say goodbye.

He laid down on the rock. The sky was filled with cirrostratus clouds. He watched them for a while.  
His mind wondered.

_What have I gotten myself into?_

God….everything used to be so simple.  
He'd had his friends.  
He'd had his band.  
His girl.  
That was that.  
He knew his role.  
The biggest worry he'd had was trying to figure out how he could cram band practice, sex and a night a carousing into one day and still be able to sleep in late.

But now he didn't know his role anymore. He didn't know his place in the world. He didn't know how the people closest to him fit into his life.  
Who were they anyway? The people who he once knew so clearly. So certainly.

_Lin?  
_It was like she didn't even exist.

_And Ty?  
_His angel?…their relationship had grown so complicated over the last couple months.  
Who was she to him?  
Certainly not Peter's girlfriend…  
or Lin's roommate.  
She was certainly not _just_ a friend.  
He knew that he loved her.  
He knew that he shouldn't.  
…He also knew she probably hated him now…..

_And what about Mike and Davy?  
_He'd grown so distant from them. It was like they were strangers. He'd treated them so badly. They probably hated him too…

And then..._then,_ there was the _Man of the Hour_.  
The man who was at the heart of it all…. the heart of Micky.

... _Pete_.  
His band mate, his roommate, his best friend.  
Was he about to add lover to the list?

_So _Pete ….Pete had a thing for him, then.  
_That was funny wasn't it?  
_That was _fucking_ hilarious…..and the _timing?  
_The day after Micky had attacked him in his bed.  
The day after he had _obliterated_ the line he had been trying so hard not to cross.

But the thing was…now he suddenly _wanted_ to cross it.  
Actually he wanted to race back home right now and…  
and what?  
Make him your lover?

His stomach dropped.  
No…that couldn't really be what he wanted.  
It just couldn't.  
He'd finally started to feel like a man again with Ty.  
_Remember how she gave you your balls back?  
__And now..what ? You just want to hand them over to Peter?_

Oh god…..  
_no.  
_No!  
He didn't. He couldn't.  
He had to be a _man._

Oh…but that touch. That rush. That fire.  
_Don't you want that again?  
_Micky bit his bottom lip. Yes he did.

But at what expense?  
If he did this….  
If he gave in to this...  
_How_ could he ever respect himself again?  
_How_ could he look himself in the mirror and see anything but a _queer?_

_So are you just going to ignore these feelings?  
__Pretend they don't exist?  
__You know that if you do, it will eat you up…  
__Kill something inside.  
_But you already have experience with _that_, don't you?  
It's been _killing_ you this whole time.  
_You're practically dead._

No, I'm not! I'm not dead! I'm still alive!

_Barely_.

Barely?! Why are you saying that?

_Because it's true!  
__Look at what your life has become.  
__Look at what you have been doing to yourself!_

No! I'm not doing this to myself! Why are you accusing me?

_Accusing you? How can I accuse you?  
_I'm_ you!_

Micky was stunned.  
_Me?_

He sat up and looked at the ocean again.

_The tide. _

He suddenly understood what it was.  
It was the face for all of his demons. It was his arch enemy. It was the devil.  
It was every problem he ever had.  
It was his loss of control  
It was the spirit Lin had taken from him.  
His denial  
His high strung emotions  
His confusion  
His fear.  
It held him back.  
It repressed him.  
_And it was him!_

The tide from his dream…._was him._

It had tried to kill him.  
It had almost succeeded. He'd been too weak to take it on alone.  
But the light.  
In his dream, the light had saved him.

_But this wasn't his dream.  
_Would the light still save him?  
_Could it _save him?  
Would he _let_ it?

_Pete!_ He had to get back.  
He needed Peter. He needed Peter to set him straight. To tell him it was ok.  
That these feelings were ok.  
He needed Peter to save him from himself.

* * *

Mike and Davy had returned. Peter was lying on the couch in a stoned stupor. He barely realized they were there.

After a while Mike sat down on the couch arm. "Hey what planet are you on man?"

"Huh?" Peter squinted at Mike.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because you have been in that exact same position, looking at that exact same spot on the ceiling for about half an hour now. I don't think I even saw you blink."

"Oh." Peter sat up and rubbed his eyes. Yeah they felt a little dry. "Sorry I'm just kind of out of it I guess."

"Out of it?….No, like I said, you're on another planet. Now I want to know which one it is."

"Um…" Peter thought hard. "Shit Mike, I don't know. I kind of feel more like I'm on a moon than a planet though….Maybe Titan?"

Mike rolled his eyes. "And how is it?"

"Kind of cold…kind of cloudy."

Mike laughed. Seriously, what did you smoke and can I have some?"

"It was just this stuff from Lin. I'm out though."

"Bummer." Mike said and stood up. "After today, I really need to get high."

"After today?" Then Peter remembered. "Yeah that's right. What's the deal with you pulling us from _Spirit_?"

Mike scratched his head. "Well, _Peter_…. I thought that Micky quit."

"Yeah, but I was going to talk to him again."

"Did you?"

"Um…" Suddenly Peter remembered their last encounter. He felt a knot form in his stomach as the anxiety came back. He ignored it and forced the memory to the back of his mind. "Uh…no, I didn't."

"Well.. I mean we have two weeks. We can't leave Chris hanging. He has to fill our spot if we can't make it. Besides it's not for good. It's just this time around."

"Yeah but do you know how hard it will be to get that spot back?"

"Yeah, that's why I personally went over there. He assured me."

"Yeah but I think we can still pull it off."

Davy walked into the living room and stood by the wooden Indian. "How?" He asked.

"I don't know…but we could. Micky will come around…._or_ we can get a temp?"

"A temp can't learn all our songs in two weeks."

"Why not? I could."

"Yeah, Peter but you're a freak." Mike cut in.

"Well, what about Davy?"

"Yeah, Davy's a freak too."

"What _about_ me?" Davy asked ignoring Mike.

"You know the songs."

"Yeah I do…but not like Micky…..besides, who would play the tambourine?"

Mike and Peter looked at each other and tried not to laugh.

"I'm sure we could find someone." Mike said.

"Well, I think we'll sound like shit."

"No we won't sound like shit…maybe we won't sound great."

"We'll sound fine." Peter said.

Mike stood there indecisively looking from Peter to Davy. "Alright, I'll call him." He said as he went into the kitchen to use the phone.

Davy sat down on the far end of the couch. "So, what? I gotta learn all these songs now? You know how much pressure that is?"

"You already know them." Peter said, annoyed.

"Yeah but how would you like it if you had to be the one to switch instruments?"

"Switch instruments? Davy _who are you talking to_?"

"Right…yeah ok...bad argument..but, still…"

"What? Do you want me to play drums? I will. But you'll have to play my bass then."

"I can play bass."

"I know you can. Is that what you want?"

Davy rubbed his forehead. "No."

"Ok, how about this. How about Mike plays the drums and you play guitar. I'll play a tuba, maybe…we'll really change it up and we could get one of those cute street peddling monkeys to play bass for me. How about that?"

Davy was about to comment but Mike came out of the kitchen. "Well that was close." He walked into the living room. "He was just getting ready to call the _Foreign Agents_ when I called. And you know they've been chompin' at the bit for this gig. I'm guessing they would make a stink about having to give it up in 3 months."

"Yeah no kidding….well that's good news." Peter shifted. "So Mike you want to play drums?"

Davy cast an annoyed glance in Peter's direction.

"What? I thought we already had this figured out."

"Yeah we do." Davy said. "Peter's being a smart ass."

"Oh." Mike turned and went back to the kitchen, opting out of the conversation. He began rummaging through the dishes. "So I think I'm going to make burgers. Does that sound good?"

He got an affirmative from both of them.

Davy looked back at Peter. "You're real funny aren't you?"

Peter grinned. "What if the cute little monkey played the tambourine instead?"

Davy threw a couch pillow at Peter but began laughing in spite of himself. "That would be cute wouldn't it?"

.

That was when Micky came in the back door. He had been sitting on the porch steps as a battle waged in his mind. He'd headed home with a purpose. But the closer he'd gotten to the pad the more obscure that purpose had gotten.

He quietly walked into the living room. Nobody noticed him.  
He looked around. Peter was imitating a monkey and Davy was in hysterics.

_Peter._ He needed to talk to him…. but _the tide_ was back. _The fear.  
_It was stopping him.  
He couldn't do it.

Instead he sat down in the recliner. "Hey guys." He said quietly.

Peter and Davy both jumped. Peter's face morphed from the stupid monkey to surprise and then to apprehension all in a matter of seconds.

"Hey Mick." Peter said.

Everything suddenly grew serious. Even Davy seemed to notice the tension.

As Peter looked at him, Micky could once again see himself in Peter's eyes. He saw everything he was feeling. Yet, there was also some sort of peace there that he didn't understand.  
He cleared the image. "So what are you guys doing?" He asked in an attempt to restore normalcy and hide anything his face might have given away.

"Nothing Micky." Peter's gaze seemed to be looking into his soul.

Micky looked away.

"_Actually_, we were tryin' to figure out who's gonna play drums now that you _bailed_ on us. "Davy said letting his discontentment be known. "So you went an' quit the band, huh?"

Micky glanced sideways at him and nodded slightly.

"That's really great Micky. You know…that's just really great. What a great thing for you to do."

Micky needed help. He looked to Peter but Peter was now just stared blankly at him.  
He went on the defense. "It's not like I wanted to. It's just that…I mean you guys were going to kick me out anyway."

"We weren't going to kick you out." Mike had come in from the kitchen.

Micky turned his head so he could see him. "You want to replace me."

"We can't replace you."

"Why not?"

"_Why not?!"_

"You could replace me. You _should _replace me."

"Why?"

"Because."

"_Because?_ What are we, five? Because why?"

"Because I'll end up fucking you guys over. You can't count on me. You can't trust me. _I_ can't trust _me_."

"Yeah well maybe that's because you have your head up your ass and a bottle in your hand 24 hours a day. I wouldn't trust me either. Are you trying to kill yourself Micky? Is that what's going on?

Micky's eyes grew wide. He shook his head. "No." He croaked out.

"No? Then what are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? What's wrong with you?"

Micky looked at Peter. Peter wouldn't meet his eyes. "You just don't know what's going on." He said in a near whisper.

"Yeah I don't. So what the fuck _is_ going on? Maybe you….or Peter would like to enlighten me…enlighten us." He gestured toward Davy.

Peter finally looked up at Micky. Micky saw what looked like resignation in his face. Micky bit his lip and shook his head at Peter. There was no way he was telling them. "I can't. I'm sorry."

"You know I pulled us out of _Spirit_ today?" Mike seemingly changed course.

Micky looked up sharply. "Why would you do that?"

"Well Mick, we don't have a drummer. It's going to awfully difficult to play without a drummer.

"So get a fucking drummer!"

"Why can't you just do it? Why can't you just get your act together? Get help if you need it. Go to therapy for all I care but get your head out of your ass and play the fucking drums!"

Micky shook his head and got up. "Fuck you Mike!" He yelled before heading for the bedroom and slamming the door behind him.

Mike let out a loud exhale. "Fuck." he growled.

"Jesus Mike, what are you thinking? Peter said. You shouldn't push him like that."

"Yeah maybe not. Or maybe that's exactly what he needs."

Peter stood up. "You don't know that." He walked towards the bedroom himself.

.

He knocked lightly and entered. Micky was sitting on his bed with his back against the wall. His knees were pulled up to his chin.

"Hey Mick." Peter sat on Micky's bed facing him. "Look, Mike's just being an asshole, ok? But it's because he cares. He's just trying to get through is all."

"Pete, it's not like I want this ok! I want to play!"

"Fuck Micky! So play."

"No, I can't."

"'Cause you don't want to screw us over?...Well, I hate to tell you this, but you're already screwing us over pretty good, man."

"I know." Micky dropped his head to his knees. "I can't believe he pulled you."

"He didn't."

Micky looked up, confused.

"Well he did. He did pull us but we're back in. Davy's gonna fill in for you."

"Davy?" Micky looked skeptical.

"Yeah, why not? He's a decent drummer."

Micky nodded slightly. "So you're not gonna bring anybody else in?"

"No."

Micky nodded again.

"Man why don't you just play and if you flake or freak or whatever you're afraid you'll do, then Davy will take your place. We'd be no worse off than we are now."

Micky searched Peter's eyes.  
He suddenly leaned forward and kissed him.  
Just as quickly he drew back.

Peter didn't move.

They stared at each other for a few seconds.  
Then Micky stood up with his back to Peter.  
Peter remained quiet.

"Pete... I need your help." He sounded scared. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I need you to save me."

Peter stood and walked up behind Micky. He laid his hand on his shoulder. "What do you need?" He whispered.

Micky turned to face him.  
The tears were back in his eyes.

"You…" His voice was hoarse. "I need _you_…I think."

Peter's was astounded.  
As he looked into Micky's wet eyes; eyes that now seemed so open to him…so vulnerable…so clear, he understood that all of their doubts, all of their fears, all of their denial….none of it mattered anymore.  
This…  
this was what mattered.  
This feeling.  
This love.  
They were going to give in.  
They were going to do this.  
There was no other way.

He nodded slowly and brought his hands up to the sides of Micky's face.  
"I need you too."  
He kissed him softly.

They kissed forever…it was sweet.  
It was innocent. Beautiful.  
And when they stopped kissing each other they held each other instead.  
They didn't know how long they stayed that way.

All they knew was, finally…  
Finally, they were at peace.

.

**END OF PART I**

.

*A/N

Part II is still in rough draft but I hope to begin posting soon.  
It will explore their new relationship as they try to understand and make sense out of it, as well as the affect it has on their lives and other relationships.


End file.
